[IowaGirl515]

Did anyone ever struggle when they first got into foster care thinking.. Why did I ever do this to myself??

I've been doubting myself a lot lately and don't know if it's just the having kids for the first time thing or if it's because of some of the behavior struggles or what.

Words of wisdom.. please...

[aMarylandfamily]

Anyone who has either fostered or adopted goes through different phases of being a parent - one of them (very normal) is the misgivings ... especially as you say when you have been through a time of constant turmoil from getting them up in the morning to getting them into bed at night (adding squabbling if you have more than one child in the home!) ... you even begin to wonder where are the rewards and smiles that you first imagined and saw in the "advertisements" for foster parents ... they are there - they just don't always show - so hang in there and it will get better. Summer time and lack of stimuli (no matter how busy you keep your kids!) that school accompanies their routines often sends them into that awful world of bored and thus mischief and even for most parents at least for a day if not a week - total irritation. The only other comment (don't shoot the messenger folks) is the placement you have may not be a good match with you or your family so if these feeling continue, discuss it with your worker and if need be change ... sometimes it just doesn't connect and both the parents and the child(ren) need the connection - whether short term placement or long ...

Hope this helps

[waiting home]

that's called "so I really wanted to be a mommy day, huh?" We all go through that even with bios.

Its the adrenaline let down. You were all pumped up and excited because it is a new experience. Now that the reality is settling in, it can be very overwhelming.

In my opinion it is very normal. Parenthood is not a likeable job on a daily basis. Its good days and bad days. Sometimes it feels like more bad than good. We all go through those cycles. But really, it only makes the good days sweeter.

Hang in there. Everything you are feeling is perfectly okay. Don't forget, life as you knew it, two weeks ago, is completely different now. Thats a HUGE transition. Parents become experts through experience. There's no other way to go about it.

You can do it!!!!!! Hang in there and come here to talk about your feelings. Get them out and acknowledge them. Its okay.

[TNfostermom]

I had the same feelings at the two week mark. I actually called the children's worker and told him I didn't think I could do this. He talked me into waiting a while longer to see how I felt. I have read everything I can find and have talked to other foster parents, but nothing prepares you for the emotional stress you experience when you start doing this. I have had my kids for almost a month now and it is much better. Having five in the house takes getting use to, but every day is better. All three had a lot of issues when they first arrived, but those are getting better too. I will be glad when school starts this week, so I can get a break. I miss my sleep most of all. I homeschool my boys so I am not use to getting up early to get children ready for school. Hang in there for a couple more weeks and see if you feel better about it.

[teachtofost]

I felt this way too. I brought home a newborn - never having had one before. The learning curve is huge. If it was just the kids, it would be tough. With all that you have to do for Social Services, it sometimes seems impossible. All together it is plain overwhelming. When I start to feel that way, I take the baby for a walk. It helps to have someone to talk to who knows that you just need to let go of the pressure. My person for that is my sister. She knows that I'm letting go so that I can cope. Foster parenting is a big life change. Life changes like this usually make a person uncomfortable before the sense of well-being sets in. If you need someone to vent to, this group is wonderful.

teachtofost

[nursie]

You go into foster care with the hope to help a troubled child or 2 and then you come to find out that there is so much involved:the children's issues, the bfamily issues/contact, SW 's, Guardian ad Litem's, licensing workers, court hearings, termination trial's, waiting for appeals, waiting to see if you will be able to adopt, waiting to see if the parent will succeed or not on their caseplan, trying to get a goodnight's sleep or a chance to shower , waiting to see if the sibling's will be split, waiting to see if you will get a sibling at birth, waiting for the judges rulings, working with the school district on Special Ed status,
children's behaviors after visits, lack of support for your family (financially,emotionally or mentally) from the agency, having to schedule your life around doctor appts, dental appts, bparent visits, SW/GAL visits , etc.
It can be very draining and it is not that I am complaining but the reality of it is that it is very mentally, physically , and especially emotionally taxing to be a foster parent. I do believe unless you experience it yourself by becoming foster parenting , that you cannot relate to what it is really like.
Am I saying I regret doing it ? No way ! However, not all days are a bed of roses and I certainly don't handle things like Mother Theresa would on any typical day but, I am doing what I can, one day at a time, for any child I can. If I can keep that focus on the dark days it will make the bright days brighter !!
Hang in there.

[IowaGirl515]

Today's been better... it's just been overwhelming with tantrums and the like.

NOW the 6 yr old has been behaving while the almost 3 yr is being a bear. *sigh*

Never fails! lol

Thank you for everyone's words of wisdoms... it helps greatly to know these feelings are normal and just not me. :-)

[tlc4kidz]

You are SO normal! I had a wonderful friend when my 2 bios were younger that I used to call and completely vent to. I would count the minutes until nap time and if the DH was 1 second late home from work I would implode. I loved them beyond words, but there was at least one point in most days that I questioned my sanity. Being a stay at home mom is the hardest thing I ever did (and the best thibg I ever did).

I don't feel quite so nuts now with my 1 and 2 year old. I attribute it to the fact that I'm older (senile ), I have the experience so I don't sweat the small stuff, and I am working....as horrible as it sounds it's a fact that about 6 hours a day I am interacting with other adults. Hang in there, come here often for support, and have a big supply of Mr. Clean Magic erasers !!!!!