[marsha4]

My opinion has always been that bio parents need to come prepared to the visits, just like any parent would. By that I mean bring a diaper bag, a burp cloth, food, drinks, whatever the children would need. My husband believes we should bring the child's diaper bag and leave it for the bio mom. The bio mom today went off on my husband because he did not include a sippy cup in the diaper bag (it was left at daycare in our hurry to get the child to visitation on time.) Now, as foster parents, we'd buy the child a drink at the store, or water, or go through a drive-thru and get her a drink with a straw if she was thirsty, or buy a soda from the vending machine and help her to sip it. Are bio parents not supposed to bring things for their children? Surely, since the child was only removed two weeks ago, the child had diapers and things at their house the bio mom could have and should have brought to her two hour visit.... I'm sorry, I'm just mad. We take very good care of these children, and we normally ALWAYS take a snack and drink with our foster children wherever we go. I cannot believe the bio mom doesn't do the same for her children. Whose responsibility is it anyway, to make sure the children have what they need at the visits? Your thoughts please....

[mckenna]

i send a diaper bag when parents have short 1-2 hour supervised visits, but when they move to unsupervised all day or over night visits, i don't send anything. if they are truely working to get their kids back, they should have things to care for thier children.

that being said, not providing a sippy cup is not the end of the world and i believe it a sippy cup was so important to mom, she should have brought it.

once my fdaughter's parents showed up for unsupervised all day visit with nothing to care for her. they tried to insinuate that i had dropped the ball, i polietly reminded them (in front of the case worker), that this was thier time to provide for their daughter and her needs were there responsibility during the hours of x & xx. it was the last time they forgot the diaper bag.

[TNfostermom]

I totally agree with you. I believe the bio parents should take care of all their children's needs while they are in their care. I don't leave anything with the children when I drop them off. I have heard that the sw will watch to see if the parents come prepared or not. It helps them to see how the bio parent is taking care of the children.

[leaabc123]

I would speak with the caseworker. Generally, when my kids have visits, I send along a diaper bag but no snacks or drinks.
The only time I make exceptions is for babies on the bottle but I would only send the bottles if the visits were during a scheduled feeding time.

Once, I had a relative complain because they wanted to feed fson his bottle but they didn't visit regularly and it would have thrown him off completely. I discussed it with the SW and she agreed with me. When the got unsupervised visits, they were to provide everything. They would often bring him home without having given him his dinner but still made no difference.

Now, the kids are older I just send them up. No diaper bag or anything. If the kids have an accident, the parents or the worker will have to figure something out till I pick them up.

[Kate1129]

I never send anything. It's their job to provide!!!

I haven't had a problem with that, the SW in fact told me to not send anything.

[jackiesbooks]

I never send anything. I have the problem that Mom and grandparents fill them up with junk food. Both have eating issues. they have to be told to stop - they will just eat and eat until they are sick. The visit is at 10am. They eat around 9am. One visit they both were given a box of 10 fruit roll up. Each box had 2 when they returne home 2 hours later.

[yanknrebel]

ONE of the things that the SW told the twins biomom SPECIFICALLY was that it was biomom's job and responsibilty to bring the twins some diapers, snack foods, wipes and toys to play with during their 2 hour visit. However, she never brought anything. I even took the ratty diaper bag that arrived from the house when the twins were brought into custody. I placed a half a pack of diapers, a large package of wipes, 2 rattles, 2 thin blankets and 2 NEW outfits that FIT in that diaper bag. I brought it to the biomom during the very first visit so that she would have these thigs. SHE NEVER BROUGHT IT. I have no idea what ever happened to it. I also sent a small diaper bag that I kept for our adopted daughter who was doing visitation before we adopted her. I kept a small diaper bag that we took to church nursery. I always sent it with the cw when they had visitation. I knew this was supposed to be something the bioparents should have done, but I wanted to make sure all the items were clean, and suitable for my fosterchild. Our adopted daughter's bf would always bring very small toys UNSUITABLE for infants and toddlers for the child. Also would send a bag of clothes that were very ragged, old fashioned (probably yard sale or hand me downs) that were 3 or 4 sizes too big. I don't think they knew any better, though their hearts were in the right place. As for the twins biomom, she has a very low mentality. For their first birthday, I planned a visitation around their birthday so that we could celebrate it at the DCS office during visitation. I told the biomom and the cw that biomom needed to buy the birthday cake. I would (and did provide) the plates, napkins, utensils and juice. All biomom was supposed to bring was a birthday cake. Luckily I brought one and left in car JUST IN CASE. Good thing. The biomom stopped on the way to visitation (was 20 minutes late) to get them a cake. SHe bought a box of Little Debbie snack cakes ,and ONLY brought in two of them , even though she knew I always brought my now 3 year old daughter with me at all visitations. She gave the twins their birthday gifts. They were a pair of stuffed animals that were obviously used. The small kind out of the machines and a rattle. They were a year old and too old for rattles. These gifts were put away when we got home. They can have them at a later date.

[nursie]

I have always sent a diaper bag with diapers, wipes,babyfood, formula w/bottle, bib, spoon, change of clothes, sippy cup for the older toddler, toys, pacifier, etc.
I make sure they are fed before they leave. Even so I too have had the experience of a return home 'sugar high' from massive amounts of junk food. I even asked the bmom to please not give him a lot of sugar on school days (he had afternoon school) , he would come back loaded with nothing but sugar during the visit. I don't know if the bad behavior was related to his visit or the food consumed at the visit or maybe both!!Whew!
Interesting how many of you don't send anything. I totally agree that the bparents should provide to show at least their capability to know what their child needs.
But, again, the child suffers if they don't have what they need so I just decided to send everything so that their needs were met.

[marsha4]

on a related topic... this mom did send the kids some clothes and videos after they had been in our home about two weeks. The clothes were filthy and reeked of smoke and I could not get the smell and grime out after several washings. The toys had holes/tears/stuffing coming out of them, and everything else was grimy and smelled. I kid you not, the smell from the backpack these things were in could be smelled from several feet away. The children are asthmatics, so the cigarette smoke was a big deal. I packed it all back up and put it in the shed, to return to the mother or to send with the children one day. The kids have not had one asthma attack or problem since they've been in our home, which is smoke free.

[wrekdiver]

Yeah,
I always send a diaper bag with everything, including some toys to play with so that they will have a good visitation. My cw never mentioned this point but it is nice to see how other people do it. I have an infant. I suppose if I had an older child it would be different and I would not send anything either

[leastofthese]

I have always sent a diaper bag with anything I would normally take with me if I were going to be spending that time with them. I always send a snack and drink or a bottle, whether or not it is feeding time. If it is a visit where the parents will be taking the child in the vehicle with them, I always send the child's carseat.

My opinion is that if a child I'm caring for (whom I supposedly care ABOUT) is in need of something, then it doesn't really matter WHO provides it. The child doesn't know if I sent it or mom & dad brought it. They only know their needs (felt or real) are being met--isn't that the goal of all foster parenting???

I'm a little taken aback that any foster parent would allow a child to sit in soiled or wet pants or to get thirsty, etc., all in the name of proving a point about who's job it is to care for the child. The social worker would probably know who provided what for the child during visitation times. Why make the child suffer just to prove a point?

I hope I didn't offend anyone, I know I can come off sounding abrasive, but I really feel that the goal is to care for the child--period. If it was really felt the birth parent cared competently for the child, the child wouldn't be with us in foster care.

[leaabc123]

Well, since the kids' visits are supervised at the center. If they really needed a diaper or something to drink, the visitation worker could get one as well as a drink from a water fountain.

These parents are supposed to be working to get their children back. Part of that work is acting responsibly during visits.

[jackiesbooks]

My situation is different because my foster kids are older and it is only one hour, so need for diapers or food. I had Foster kids that went overnight and I pack clothes and a favorite toy.

How long are visits in other areas?

[leastofthese]

Jackie, you're right, our situations are different. My little girl was going overnight, and she's still in diapers & sippee cups. If she'd been older like 5 or 6, and only for an hour, I wouldn't send anything either .

[PAmomof1]

I will send a diaper bag with the baby. She's only 7 months and I know that her mother doesn't bring anything. No one told me not to send stuff for the baby so I just assumed that it was my responsibility.

I'll talk to the caseworkers and see what their opinions are.