[csimmons]

We have a 9 yr old son whom we privately adopted at 2 wks of age. He has been diagnosed with ODD, but the thing that concerns me is that he is constantly sneaking food. We find food wrappers all over the house and he consistently denies is.

What is going on?

He's a big boy, big into sports and very good at it. He eats big and plays hard. We rarely deny him food so we don't understand why he feels the need to sneak it and lie.

A few weeks ago, he stole $2 from my purse and was going to spend it on a field trip with the daycare. But ended up telling me about it and giving it back to me the night before.

Is this a pattern I should be concerned about? He has never stolen in a store or anything like that. But are these warning signs for something else?

I am very concerned.

Thanks.

[jackiesbooks]

4 of the 8 foster children we have had sneak food including the 2 we have now, but they were all in situations where they were not fed properly in their birth homes.

I think it is a good sign that he gave the money back. It proves he will do the right thing and knows the difference. I think most kids are tempted. My son stole a stupid paintbrush from the hardware store after his grandfather told him he could not have it. My father made it take it back to the owner and apologize.

[waiting home]

As frustrating as it is everyday, and as much as you don't want to hear this, it sounds like normal kid behavior.

Most do it for several reasons at this age. 1. they just plain want to do it and the consequences don't discourage them for some reason. 2. they don't believe they will get caught; just say it wasn't me, eventually the parents just give up and 3. they are starting to test the waters for testing the boundaries that lie ahead in the wonderful world of raising a teenager.

Sorry to say, no matter how hard we have tried with consequences, lectures and positive role modeling, it still happens to all of us. And it goes into the teen years, sorry. We are struggling with this right now. We have been assured by two professionals that this is all quite normal. And you can rest assured that it may be in your case as well just as the previous post pointed out, her case had food deprevation, your did not.

Just try to go with the flow and my advice is not to let it cause a reaction out of you. If they see it upsets you, they have leverage.

[Howdy]

I think it is normal. My fd, who is almost 9 yrs old, stole $20 from my dresser last month and several days later voluntarily confessed and retrieved it from her savings jar. I did a similar thing when I was her age, I filched change off my parents dresser and then after several successful coin raids I felt too guilty and returned them all. I think it must be a 'stage'.

[allabouthorses]

I personally would take the stealing very seriously! I have never, ever stolen anything in my life, not even a penny or a stick of gum, and I would never consider it.

While this could be a "stage", I don't think it should be ignored, because if your son gets comfortable taking things dishonestly, it could lead to bigger things later. Best to deal with it now, I think. I agree that him telling you about it was a very good sign, however.

Perhaps you could offer your son snacks throughout the day, so that he doesn't have a chance to "sneak" food. If he says no, then takes food anyways, perhaps you could speak to a child psychologist or your family doctor about OCD. I find that a lot of kids with ODD often display signs of OCD as well.

Best of luck to you!

[bug'smom]

I used to sneak food. My parents never would have denied me but I still took it. I hid wrappers in my closet in a box with some toys. It was a stage and a few years later when I was cleaning out my closet I found the wrappers and felt guilty...

I honestly think it is normal. I would insist he throw the wrappers away though!

As far as taking money, I think the guilt says a lot!