[GingerR]

I'm not sure if "neurotic" is the right word, but here goes a description of a certain behavior that's been prevalent in our 4 year-old fd the past few weeks.

She almost mechanically asks for things on cue, but usually three steps ahead of the appropriate time. For instance, if I tell her I have to make dinner, she will immediately ask, "Am I going to have my ice cream for dessert?" It's almost like a reflex, but it's with everything that is part of our routine lately.

Me: "Time for bed.:
Her: "Am I going to wear jeans tomorrow?"

While reading her a bedtime story, she will interrupt to fret whether I'm going to turn on this mechanical thingy that makes the sound of the ocean. It's almost as though she doesn't trust that I'll do these things, so she frets, but like I said -- three steps ahead of time. And again, it's almost mechanical... I can literally predict what she'll say next.

I hope this makes sense to someone, ha... any other similar experiences, and is it typical in foster children or all children for that matter? She's been in our home almost four months. Thanks for any feedback.

[jackiesbooks]

Both my foster children are like that but only about food. I am sure this has to do with the lack of food and routine. as we are eating they will ask about breakfast or snack. They have be in care for 9 months.

Previous foster girls would be that way with everyday stuff - for example - are we getting baths? Are we going to school tomorrow ( they knew their days of the week)?

I never had this with my bio sons. I think it has to do with lack of routines.

[AmyAnne]

I get the "Do I have school tomorrow" thing also. Even though he knows his days of the week. I think they're hoping if you forgot, they're gonna remind you... I'm not sure. I'm sure it has to do with lack of routine like Jackiesbooks said....

[jgalt]

Yes... I get this too... but being this is my only experience with children I didn't realize it was odd. We very much try to stick to a routine with everything we can. If we don't we make sure we explain the special exception. Alas, when it comes to visits I never know what to say when he asks if mommy will be there, because I never know (about 50%).

[Jensboys]

The best help for this I have found is having a printed/posted schedule. Sort of like a "picture story" of the routine. And you can adjust it ahead of time if the routine is going to be altered (ie going to visit someone etc). Online you can find pictures you can print out to put into a story form.

Our boys are now 7-10 and they STILL love having a posted routine they can refer to. Much happier when the day's activities are known to them,

[kaylasmom]

I have a set of brothers. 2 and 4 years old. I can be cleaning up from breakfast, and it will be, whats for lunch? Or, are we having a snack next. And when I say go play while i fix dinner, they'll say then we go to bed huh? its strange to me, I have 2 of my own, and 2 others that are foster who don't do it. So I have no suggestions, because I dont know what to do about it...LOL

[leaabc123]

It is security for some kids. Others may just like knowing a routine.

As far as dealing with uncertainties (ie whether or not a visit will happen), be honest in an age appropriate way. It is okay to say that you do not know if a visit will happen or who will be there. Also, let them know it is okay to be sad, mad, scared, etc.

Our 2 1/2 year old goes through a bit of sadness when her visits with her siblings are over. She will also ask me if they will be at the visit next week and I say I don't know but maybe they will.

She also seems to feel better after I acknowledge her feelings after her visits.

Interestingly, she does not have this connection with bio-parents, just one of her siblings.