[Kate1129]

I'll start with we had a 4 year old boy and 1 year old girl with us for 6 months (they left our home in April).


Last Friday I got an email from the kids' aunt. She had a baby girl (full term) early May and baby Savannah had a blood clot in her brain and she died. So I have been emailing the aunt about the loss. I asked her to not bring the kids into our emails or the rest of her family. Just her and I and the babies. So she's been great about that. So back to Friday, I get an email that says the kids are back with their bmom. I couldn't believe it. So I sent her another email and asked how it happened. I know she couldn't do the case plan in a months time!!!! So Aunt says: " My mom met a guy online and moved to Montana and left everyone behind." So it would appear the kids have so much more heartache now. Their only stable (as stable as can be) person in their life has left them.

So I call the SW. I ask her if she's aware of this or not. She says yes they found out. I asked what they're doing about it. She said she called the county attorney and asked if they can remove the kids and go straight to TPR. County Attorney said "No, if we do that she can appeal she didn't have enough time to get the kids back for good, the kids stay with her, we watch like a hawk, then we remove and go pre-adoptive placement". So we wait.

I have asked the SW if we are a "priority" when the kids come into care. She said she'll put our name at the front of the file. They have already been in our home for about 6 months, I'd hope we'd get first chance. But I am afraid. I am afraid they will be hurt while in bmom's care, I am afraid the state will call and ask me to open my heart again to the kids, I am afraid they won't call me at all.

Matt and I have been crying and praying for days now and I am exhausted. I just don't know what God has for us. I feel like He's always taking things from me, I'm afraid now's He's giving back to only take again. I am afraid of God. I can't take more pain. I can't continue to trust Him when all He does is take from me.

I try to pray, but it just turns into me begging Him to not hurt me anymore.

I will get through this, I know I will, it will take time, but I will be fine! Please please please pray for J and C, that they are safe and have food to eat and are ok. I am so afraid they are hurting.

[Rocking Mama]

Oh ((((Kate))))!

I'm so sorry!! I don't know what to say--only that I will be praying for you, hubby and the poor children!! God is so able to turn this around. I pray the children will be ok till He intervenes on their behalf. Hang in there, Kate and don't stop praying! RM

[jackiesbooks]

First my prayers are will you. My Fds went back to a very unsafe house (in my opinion). They were moved out of state so that when they come back into care - I will not even know. If we had the opportunity again, I would have to take them back

Ask the aunt to let you know ASAP when they are removed and start calling CW right away. I know they say God never gives you more that you can handle, but I am not sure.

Again I will pray for you.

[AmyAnne]

Kate,

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please keep us posted.

[mommyto9]

Kate,

God's word says He will never leave us or forsake us! God is Good, even if we don't understand the reasons for everything He does. I'm not saying trusting is easy, because I know it isn't. I will lift you up in prayer and also the children. Fostering can be a difficult path to follow. I pray you and your husband will find the peace and comfort you need in this situation!

May God Bless you and the children!!!!!

[leaabc123]

Kate,
These situations drive me crazy. As I have said many times, the system often goes ou of its way to protect neglectful and abusive parents rather than the children who are their victims.

[nursie]

to be worried over the lives of others whom we love esp. when we are fearful of their safety.
I will pray for you also. Know that you are not alone. God is there. It is VERY difficult to keep the faith. We are going through a very concerning time right now too as are many others on this forum who can probably relate to your pain in one way or another.
Keep praying, keep on the CW, do what you can from where you are.
On the days that I feel as you do I have tried to live the motto: "Worry about nothing, pray about everything."
It has offered me some solace and peace.
My heart goes out to you and your family.

[missw005]

Oh, Kate....

I am sooooo sorry. Having been through this before, it just kills a little piece of your heart, every day. This is just not a good year foster-parent wise for you and Matt!!!

I hope to God that the CW stays with her promise to return the kids to you when they're removed - because you know they will be - hopefully sooner rather than later. Thank God you have contact with the Aunt so you have a clue what's going on! That is wonderful. At least you're not in the dark, so you can keep on the CW to get those little ones removed and back with you and Matt ASAP!!!!!

I am so sorry that you're going through this. My thoughts are with you. Hugs to you and Matt.

Sandy

[tlc4kidz]

You guys and the kids are in my prayers. I am hopeful that some day you will look back and realize that this is why you didn't get a call yet for another placement....that all the while these were the children that were meant to return.

[bumpkin]

That is just sooooooo wrong.

[Mammie]

Hi Kate1129,

After re-reading your post, I can sympathize with you more than I first realized. Oh, how I wish I could give you words of wisdom and encouragement! I really want to! But I understand your fear too well. You see, we may be faced with a simular situation in the near future.

We have 2 sib brothers (4 and 2 years) for almost 21 months. (There are 6 children all together) TPR will be granted - when they stop pushing back the dates.

Anyway, as it stands now, the grandmother is asking guardianship for the two oldest, and the aunt is asking for the other four (including the two we have).

The caseworker says that the family is viewing things unrealisticly - as all six kids are special needs, (as the aunt has 3 of her own children with special needs as well). This family is also known for not dealing with things and sticking their heads in the sand like ostriches.

When asked what would happen to the children if the aunt decides she can not handle 7 kids under 9 in her house - she said " Well, I guess if it does not work out, I can always give them back to the foster parents".

WHOA CHICK-IE-POO!!!

Back up! What did you say? You would rip these boys from a safe, loving home, where they have already bonded (and don't know you from Adam's house cat), plant them in your dysfucntional family...and you are still talking about NOT making it pernament?

Don't you think you oughta make sure it will work out before you mess with their minds again?

Tell me where are your best interest for these boys?

My husband and I had a long talk with the caseworker, and we decided that we loved the boys too much to make them go through that crap. If the aunt wants them - she needs to make sure she is able to handle it, and don't count on us being her safety net.

By thinking that we would 'always take them', she is not really gonna try when the rubber hits the road. Know what I mean?

Auntie dear, grab yourself by the balls and make the decision to stick it out...stop being wishy washy and stop having other people clean up the families messes when they can't handle it! I mean, children's self-esteme and healthy brain function are on the line here!

Wake up dear! This ain't Disney World. It not even Kansas. These are real little boys and not family pets or toys to discard when you have decided they are not cute anymore!

We have already spent 21 months cleaning up that families mess (what they did to the children) and to have them taken from us - messed up again - and returned months down the road is something I don't think I could handle very well.

The bond would be broken, the trust shattered, and I am not too sure if the boys could recover from the move - even if it meant coming back home here. I believe too much damage would be done. Frankly, I am tired of cleaning up after that family and the way they keep messing with the children's minds.

I guess I am selfish too. As much as I love those boys, I just can't see going through all the hurt and agony again. My husband says he thinks down the line, I would change my mind. I dunno. I am just afraid of all the hurt.

For what it is worth, I kinda base my decision loosely on the old testement story about the two women who go before King Solomon, fighting over a baby. Woman A says the baby is hers. Woman B says the baby is hers. Growing weary over the fighting, King Solomon comes up with the idea: "Hey, lets just split the child in half! Here's my sword, and you both will have it!"

Woman A thinks it is a lovely idea. Woman B lets the child go and says to the king "I release my right on the child, for I do not want it to die." King Solomon awards the baby to Woman B, for she is the true mother - she wants the baby to live, even if she has to give up her rights.

I want these boys to live - but I can not stand by and watch this family destroy them again. I really do not think the boys would bounce back.

So, in light of what you have said - you have a huge decision to make. I give you credit for even concidering taking them back. (I know you love them - but the heart ache would hold me back). You are more of a woman than I could ever be. You are a credit to the foster parents name.

I stand in prayer with you and ask that God's holy hand be upon the situtation. Remember that God did not give you a spirit of fear....(that is something my husband says to me every time I get worked up!)

[Kate1129]

Thanks ladies!!!


My husband and I talked last night and we have decided that if (more like when) the kids come back into care, we will take them back.

It came down to one simple question "If given the option do you want to be the forever mommy to these kids?" I decided that yes I do! No matter how afraid I am, I want it!