[MrNMrsD]

When the background check is done, I am worried that my husbands record could keep us from getting licensed. Please tell me what you think?
He is 25 now, but 4 years ago (when he turned 21) he was out at a party when someone hit him over his head with a beer bottle from behind. He turned around and punched the guy (now he looks back at it as being young, drunk and stupid). This someone, who he didn't know at the time, turned out to still be in high school. He was charged with Felony Child Abuse which was reduced to Misdem. Battery and Dismissed when it went to court. Although it was dismissed, on his record it still says he was charged with "Child Abuse". We are unable to get pregnant and Foster Care is our only hope! We are starting our classes tomorrow, should we ask before we get too far into it? Or will a background check be done right away?

[tlc4kidz]

Just my opinion, but I think being honest up front is better than having them find out....they might think then that you have something to hide. I would hope they will look at what's gone on in your life since that time, and the references you can provide now.

[jackiesbooks]

I would also tell up front. If the records are detailed, it should reflect it was a fight not TRUE child abuse (the child was a teenage drinking)

[sunnyandi13]

MrNMrsD -
I can't speak for every state, but I am agreeing with the fact of up-front disclosure... I remember filling out paperwork to begin the background checks, etc. at the completion of the classes (gives you time to reconsider, etc.)

My husband had something similar in his past, although there was a greater time lapse... when he was in the Navy, he was accused of spousal abuse (previous marriage that ended horribly!) - the real truth of the matter was that his ex-wife hit him up side the head with a frying pan during an argument (fourteen stitches to prove it ) and without thinking, he slugged her for it (bad reaction, but kinda understandable?)... long story short, he sought treatment on base, she went to the local hospital and they turned it in as suspected spousal abuse - he was charged with assault in the civilian courts, but somehow the Navy got involved and his punishment was actually through military channels. But, the point of the story is that we were able to sucessfully prove our case in that he was young and there were extenuating circumstances. With up front disclosure and a copy of his naval records from that incident we were approved.

Again, I think it all depends upon your hubby's behavior since them... if he's not been in any more trouble, you all have good references and you can demonstrate that it was truly a "bar fight" and not "child abuse", I think you'll be fine.

Just wanted to give you a little reassurance that skellies in the closet don't always get you denied...

God bless you and welcome to the crazy, wonderful world of foster-adopt!

[kaylasmom]

I to would be very upfront honest. If you can get the police report, and maybe some eyewitness reports, and nothing has happened since, they may be willing to over look stupid behavior, as that stupid behavior. Good Luck and keep us posted.



_______________
married 12 years
fostering now 1 year
bio mom to 2
foster mom to 4
emergancy home to 1

[jgalt]

Yes be upfront. It certainly sounds strange to me. Will you be denied? I think it depends on everything else. I don't think simply saying at 25 that you were young and stupid at 21 will explain it away. To me, 25 is still young, and the concern is what has changed.

Getting hit by a beer bottle is certainly extreme. And I can understand it evoking a reaction. My concern would be that this might not be isolated. Are there underlying anger issues that need to be dealt with? How have you dealt with them? Perhaps a few therapy sessions might be asked for.

Is drinking an issue today? How much do you drink and when? Drug use? This was asked of us, and I think you need to be prepared to answer this one. The real issue might not be the abuse, but the alcohol that created the environment for abuse. It would probably help immensely if he doesn't drink anymore. If he does, maybe quit. I think that would go a long way.

What else has changed since he turned 21?

This is probably just some of what you should have a handle on. I hope this helps.

[Mammie]

Hi MrNandMrsD,

I would not worry about it...just be up front. They will (the licensing agent) dig it up, probably be major jerks about it - and they will ask questions like Nazi police officers.

By showing them you have nothing to hide, it should be a snap. Just be prepared to work to prove your side of the story and don't be intimidated!

When we went through our background check - it came back that there was a 25 year old out standing warrent for my arrest!

I was in shock! What the hey? It was in the 88th district court, taken out by the DNR in 1983 or something like that.

It was for littering on state land!

I was 18 at the time, and really was innocent! (My ex-husband was dumping our trash bags on state land, and when the DNR officer opened up the bags, found my name and address on the mail inside...hence, I got the blame!)

Anyway, I was called to court. I pleaded not guilty, and told them that it needed to be settled in a timely matter, as I was (in two weeks) moving to NC as my then husband had joined the military.

I moved, and my mother (who was living in the area, ended up paying a 200 dollar fine for something I did not do).

Anyway, back to present day....my licensing agent made a MAJOR stink over it! You would have thought I was an ax murderer! I was both scared to death and angry as crap!

I called up north where I grew up, and within 2 hours (and several phone calls later) a fax came back to the caseworker, saying that it had been cleared up at the court house and sherriff's office, but not taken off the records at the state office in Lansing. Thak-you Jesus! I love it when He blows someone's socks off!

I know that your situation is slightly different than mine...I just wanted to encourage you to hang in there.

It took us almost a year for us to pass all the hoops thrown at us (My hsuband was a 'saint'. I had lived a rather colorful life before settling down 10 years ago) and so all the little red flags that came up (there were a million of them, I swear!), where shot down (much to the dismay of our licecensing agent, who really did not want us to foster!) It boiled down to a relgious thing with her!

Anyway, Good luck and don't let that thing upset your apple cart! Plow through and go for the gold!

[Kate1129]

Upfront and Honest!! It will be tough going, but it's the best!