[NaeNae26]

Oh, did anyone see the special episode by abc last night? It was titles 'Family Lost/Family Found'. It was so sad. They followed a few families. It was mainly the grandma's that they interviewed. I think there were about 5 or 6 grandma's in an inner city support group because their own kids grew up and became mentally ill or had substance abuse or both. They had grandchildren that DYFS was going to take away unless the grandparents kept them in the family. The social workers actually brought the kids to the door and asked the grandma's in front of the kids if they would take them. Of course, a grandma is going to say yes even if she cannot because the poor kids are standing there.

One grandma was 58 and had taken in her 10 grandkids from her four children. Later in the show she had a massive stroke and had brain failure. The messed up kids had to come in and have them turn off life support. Then they all went to the grandma's house and cried and yelled about the grandkids while they were around.

DYFS said they would have to separate the kids into foster homes if the parents did not get their acts together. The out of no where one of the sons steps up and quits his job to move in to the grandma's house and take care of all the grandkids. I was in tears.

There was a lot more, but it was very good.

[Kate1129]

I was able to only see the begining of the first grandma. She was actually the great-great-grandma of the two kids. The young girl had a "self mutism" issue. She refused to speak outside of her home. How sad! My heart just broke for that family!! The great-great-grandma was raising 5 kids on $250 a week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to reach out our savings book and send her the whole balance!!!!!!!

There was a study here in Wyoming and it was so very sad. It gave the numbers of how many children are being raised by their grandparents in our state. It was way to high!!!! Wyoming only has a population of 400,000 and when there is like 5,000 grandparents raising the kids, it's sad!!!!!!

[LisaCA]

I looked here to see what folks thought of it. I thought it was very moving, tragic, thought-provoking. my only concern (I saw most of the program) was that while they talked of it happening in all races and economic groups, they only focused on poor blacks in Newark. a bit more diversity showing how it does impact all would have been nice. Also some info on the cost born by societies for this very short term thinking by states would have been nice.

Lisa

[Mom2J]

I didn't see the special on TV, but had some thoughts about grandparents raising their grandkids. Most of the time, many grandparents are loving and supportive and do a wonderful job raising these children. Parents can not control what their adult children do and should not be blamed for the mess-ups, BUT what if a family line has done this repeatedly?

Now, I look at the lineage in a family I know. They start off with a mom, that had her children put in foster care, then her mother's care due to mental breakdowns and "partying". Her daughter goes out, has a daughter and does the major partying, man-swapping, and generally, acts like a teenager with hormone-overload. The now grandmother takes custody of the grandaughter.

Then, granddaughter does the exact same thing and her mom is now raising her daughter. When will the cycle end? I mean, each mother has messed up raising their own child/children and is now being allowed to do this with the next generation? In cases like this, we've got 4-generations of people not raising their children, but trying again, when they're grandparents and it just seems like a never-ending cycle.

People that know the child of this situation, really don't hold out a lot of hope, that she will not follow in the footsteps of her past. In each case, the children of each mother were given back, taken, given back, taken repeatedly over the years. It's just so very sad.

Mom2J

[NaeNae26]

I just wanted to know if anyone else saw this special and had some thoughts to add. I know everything is a case by case basis, but most of the time I think it is really hard on grandparents.

I spoke to my mom and asked her what she would have don if DYFS had shown up at the door step with several grandchildren and asked her in front of the grandchildren if she would take them or let them go into foster care. Now my mom is pretty strong, but with family can be a push over even when it is not good for her physically. She said she would be mad at us but take the kids. She could not say no.

Is this right? I feel it is unfair to parents who have raised kids right and then their kids go out and make wrong decisions placing to grandparents in this position. They paid their dues. They should get to relax now a little. I mean you got to think that God knew what he was doing in having kids grown up and move on their own. It is healthy. Kids and grandkids should not be showing up back at the door step in these situation. I feel for them!

[missw005]

Nae Nae-

I saw it. I wasn't too floored (except about the $$ issue - who does NJ - and I'm sure other states, too - think they're fooling with that paltry amount of $$?) as like Mom2J - I see generations of that stuff here at home.
I used to run the food shelf (free food for needy families) and was shocked (at first) at the multi-generations of the SAME families we had. Kids went back and forth between their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. Some months the grandparents would have all the grandkids because bparents were in jail, or high, or violent, or just took off - and here are these 70+ yr old people with all these kids!!! It just made me sick to my stomach with all these selfish parents having kids they can't take care of, (and continuing to have more), yet at the same time, heartbroken at these grandparents trying to keep their own heads above water (financially) and then adding more mouths to feed, house and clothe! It was just insane!
It was a vicious cycle that will never end. I mean, I went to school with their kids, and they were struggling then - 20+ years ago - and here they are today, in the same spot.
But honestly, as much as I felt for these grandparents wanting to raise their own, when I watched some of the situations the show presented, I thought "WHAT? Where is DYFS or Social Services????" These women are (unfortunately) in NO position to take care of anyone's kids, they're barely managing to take care of themselves. The housing was not the best, not enough food, they're barely scraping by......etc.
I totally feel for these grandmothers, really I do. But the reality of the whole situation has GOT to dictate another solution.
But it's all about the allmighty dollar, isn't it???? Why pay foster or adoptive parents to raise these kids when they can get the grandparents to do it for nothing or close to nothing???
AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
(sigh)
I do agree with LisaCA - what, only black families have this issue? I've seen news reports before on Hispanic families in TX and Hmong families here in my home state of Minnesota with the same problems. A racial bent for sure.

Sandy

[NaeNae26]

I guess I did not think twice about the racial bent because I assumed this situation is not just in the inner cities of NJ. They wanted to give the slant from the grandmothers in the support group. May be they will give a show from the view point of a trailer park with mostly white Americans who cannot make enough money in the low paying jobs offered in this day and age and show how it is messing up their kids.

I am just ranting. I guess they have to pick a specific situation, but you are right they could have done a more general theme and gone all over the board. Something to think about.