[wish41more]

Can someone please tell me the questions I should be asking after our fs visits his bmother, if any. We have a woman who picks him up once a week for a supervised visit with his mom. Last time she said I could ask her questions but I don't want to seem too nosey, even though I really want to be. Our fs is 2 months old and he was taken away from he while she was sober living in a group home for women with children. Aparentally the drug she was on has really screwed her up mentally and according to the sw she just doesn't know how to parent and kept dropping the baby. :-( She is 35 and this is her 1st baby. I just want to know what kind of things are appropriate to ask when the baby comes back from a visit. Like, was she upset, how is she doing with staying sober, what does she say about her baby being taken away, does she say she wants him back. Are those question ok or too personal. I just feel like I have no idea what's going on with her. Should I know?
Thanks

[hubbyswife]

My fs has only had 1 visit w his sibling and we just asked a general question of how it went?

That's usually what we ask is how was the visit? Then the sw will tell us not good, good and might even go into some details. But we also ask for updates on our kids' cases and they are usually forthcoming.

I'm not sure if that helped any. But we are new to this and have limited experience.

[Kate1129]

I've asked all those questions before. It's ok! Just start out with "if I ask something that isn't ok, please let me know, but I have questions"

They should be ok!

[momofmykids]

Originally Posted by Kate1129

I've asked all those questions before. It's ok! Just start out with "if I ask something that isn't ok, please let me know, but I have questions"

Good point, Kate. CW's like it if you show concern for the bparents. They see it as you're "on board" with the f/c system and the goals they have (although you may not be). Don't be fake, but just show genuine concern. "How's she feeling?" "I bet she couldn't believe how big baby Johnny is getting", that kind of thing. Another thing you may want to do is send a few pics to the bmom.

Good luck!

[wish41more]

Well, I just talked to the visitation transporter and asked how the visit went. She paused and said, "Wellllll, it.....was.........ok. She paused and was trying to find the right word and then just said "ok". I don;t know what to think. Did she think mom is looney or does she feel like she can't discuss it w/me? She said he slept most of the time and then went on to say that "she seems sober (she lives in a rehab) and seems to be doing ok" but then stopped for a second and said "BUT you never know how these cases could end up" I am just so frusterated bc this is our 1st placement and I don't know how much info the foster parents get about how the bfamily is doing or what their case plan is or anything. I'm in CA and unless I misunderstood the paperwork, it did say that in the late 90's there was a law passed that made it ok for foster parents to attend court hearings. Well, when I asked our sw if my husband could go she said no. I don't know enouph about it yet so I didn't say anything. I did call her today though and asked for an update on how mom was doing and what the oucome of court was. I don't know if that's something she'll tell me or not. I feel so uneducated about all of this and I just don't know what to do.
Sorry so long but UUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHH!!!! :

[Kate1129]

As I have learned, the visit worker may not really know what's up. Their job is to just "watch". I'd ask the SW the next time you talk. The SW can share more and knows the case better. She can base her "opinion" on what the visit worker seen.

[bjhv]

Hey A,
I just took our 21 month old to a visit today,so I met biomom!
In Florida you can be at the court,take to visitation etc.I do not know about CA.
I want to ask SW to please ask mom to NOT fill J up on cookies,chips and kool aid @ 3:00pm he will not eat his dinner and does not sleep good at night since his belly is full of junk.
I know I asked SW about mom and case plan she said I had a right to know and would tell me info she had.
So other than ???? how is it going?
Email me and let me know!

Deb

[jackiesbooks]

GO to the State forum post boards for your state and see what your rights are. In MD, we can go to court hearings.

[Lisa3NY]

HI,
I started by becoming friends with our caseworker. It just sort of happened naturally. She has a high respect for foster parents, and I have a high respect for the job she has and the stress that comes with it. We bonded immediately.

I guess my suggestion would be to feel out the caseworker. Begin talking with her and see where her head is at. Good luck!

[Kelly Rae]

Hi, I'm from Ca. have adopted three times, and have transported two of the three to visits. We have also gone to all the court dates, and became defacto parents as soon as it was legally possible. Defacto parent status has been granted to us from four to six months after children have entered our home. The child's lawyer usually likes to call the foster home and visit before court dates. Ask them if it would be possible to be at the next court date and that you would like to get defacto parent status as soon as legally possible.

With facto parent status you have a legal right to be in court and get a copy of all court reports .

[wish41more]

What is facto parent status? Also, do you have to get a lawyer or does the county have one for you. Thanks for all the info, this is all so new to us.

[wish41more]

One more thing, so it is ok to go to court hearings? I asked my sw and she said no. Who would I talk to about going?

[tybeemarie]

Okay, I'm not from CA, I'm from IL, but I will say that in doing my search for my kids, I looked pretty deeply into CA, and WHAT A CRAZY SYSTEM YOU ALL HAVE THERE!!!! It is a county system, which is idiotic--it should be a state wide system so that people don't have to simply cross county lines to get a "clean slate." Anyway, I would look both into your state and your county to find out what your rights are. You might contact the California foster parent's association. I definitely would not rely on the social worker's representations about foster parents rights. You see how poorly trained most child welfare workers are about social work--they're REALLY unqualified to give you legal advice about your right to attend court. If you can go, GO. You learn a lot, and it prevents unscrupulous social workers from blaming you for a lack of services to the kids, etc.

[tybeemarie]

Okay, I'm crazy, but I did an internet search, and it looks like, at least in some type of hearings, you as a foster parent are entitled to notice and can attend. Here's a link to some of the child welfare manual.

http://www.dss.cahwnet.gov/getinfo/pdf/cws6.pdf

It is poorly organized, so you will have to dig around or maybe print out all of it, which is what I would do. Apparently, CA does have a state agency which is supposed to monitor the counties, and this is the manual they use for the standards that are supposed to be kept. Check it out and get informed, because truly, you must be a strong advocate for yourself. Good luck!

[kaylasmom]

First of all, I didn't know it was a county to county thing, I thought california would have state wide laws, but if somone already researched it out there prob right. Anyways, i'm in california, Bakersfield to be exact, and we can go to court hearings, now the parent can ask that you leave is what our sw told me, but you have the right to know whats going on, and what the case plan is. I transport to all my visits, and supervise some, the ones I don't I always ask the sw how the visit was, how the parent is doing, they can only tell you so much about the parents, but they will give you all the info they can. I always ask the kids how the visit was to, did you have fun? what did you guys do, that sort of thing. If the transporter said you can ask questions, she would prob. tell you anything you want to know. But the best place to get you info is from the sw. If she continues to say you cannot go to court, and you really want to, call and ask someone esle, she may not know. The knew sw always get there info wrong....lol.


Good luck, and never be afraid to ask questions, all they can say is, I can't tell you that.




married 12 years
bio mom to 2
foster mom to 4