[shycar]

Well it is 2 am and I cant sleep. About two weeks ago my 14 month old fs went home and I am heart broken. I cry every night for him. I have been a foster mom for little over 3 years and have had many children come and go. They have all touched my heart, but this little guy really touched me. He came to my home at 2 months old. I fell in love with him the moment I held him. I cant have children of my own and we are in the process of adopting our 3 yr old fs, who I love to death. We have been thinking of adopting another child after we adopt him and in the men time we decided to foster. But with this little guy it felt like a family. It felt like he belonged with us it was perfect. When they told me that he would most likely go for adoption and they started talking about petitioning for termination I was sooo happy. But then his father got his act together and now he went back to him and I was devestated. The worse part is I feel like I abandoned him, like I left my son out there alone in a big world. He cried when I dropped him off and that is how I keep remembering him. Im having such a hard time with this, I even feel like not trying again. All I want is to hold him in my arms again. Pls pray for me and my family so we can all get through this.

Thx for listening.

[leaabc123]

You are certainly not alone in this situation! As I have written before, we got our FS at 4 months and he left at 11 months. Not because anyone got their act together but because a family member decided, after 5 months of saying no to custody and visits, changed her mind. She was older and had major health issues, and CPS issues that were ignored by the judge.

He left 2 weeks shy of his first birthday. We feel like you, that he was truly meant to be with us. He fit in so well, even physically resembled my partner and some of her extended family.

I still think of him everyday. We kept his memory box for him and I still have his photos in my wallet. Just in case, we ever meet again.

We stopped taking placements for almost 2 months. We just said no whenever they called. Don't be afraid to take the time you need to heal, they will call again. Talk about the good times you had with him and laugh and pray for him.

It is okay to mourn your loss! Feel free to PM me, if you need to.

[gregorysparents]

shycar, I am so sorry for your loss. I am afraid that in a few months, my hubby and I will be going thru the same type of situation. I won't get into too many details (just do a search - and you will find MORE than you want to know regarding my case!!).

Our fs was placed with us when he was 14-months old as a "placement to adopt". He is the fourth child for the 54-year old bdad (I found out Tuesday night that there is a 33-year old daughter that he has had nothing to do with that lives in another state) and the SEVENTH child for the bmom. This couple shares three children, two girls (ages 8 and 6 that a paternal grandma has had guardianship of since October 2001) and our fs. This bmom has four other children. It was pointed out in the case plan meeting the other afternoon that they have NEVER raised a child past the age of 12 or so. THEY HAVE NONE OF THEM. When my fs was removed, it was only him and his 8-year old half sis living with them.

IMO, I believe that when a child is placed with you as a "placement to adopt", you let your guard down a little and you develop stronger feelings than you would if the child was a "regular" placement. He was placed with us in October 2003 when he was 14-months old (we were his third fh). He had not seen his bparents since July or August 2003. They were put in jail in September 2003 and then released in June 2004. We did not start supervised visits until end of January 2005. So, we went all of this time with NO contact between bparents and child.

My situation is like leaabc123, the bparents won't (IF) get him back because they have changed (even though the Judge thinks so??) they will be getting him back because the DFC made an error.

I know what you mean about this child "felt like family". My mom and others joke and say that our fs acts just like me and my hubby. They say that if they didn't know any better, they would swear that I gave birth to him. He acts sooo much like my husband, that I tease him and "accuse" him of having an affair with the bmom!!!!

Anyway, I'll stop here with my whining, because this is about YOU. You, your family and this little one will be in my thoughts and prayers. If you need to "vent" or "talk" or whatever, don't hesitate to pm me. I am a GREAT "listener"!!!

Christina

[Kate1129]

I hear you!!

Our 2 foster children left a week ago. It's been very very hard!

We also were told that this was a "adotpion placement". Then the judge changed his mind and sent them home to bgrandma. Makes me sick! I too find myself crying in the middle of the night and totally heartbroken!!!

Praying for us both!
K.

[Rocking Mama]

(((((Shycar)))))
I know how you feel. My fs left 9 weeks ago and I still have days when all I do is miss him. We're human and we fall in love with these kids regardless of what our head tells us to do.
Take a break from foster care and grieve. It hurts like crazy, but not forever. Pray for your little guy. Remember that God is with him wherever he goes. It has given me comfort to know that the time I had with my little one is ours, and ours alone--nobody can take that time we had together away from us. There are little things we have imparted into the spirits of these children that help mold them into the people they become, so they leave taking some of us with them! That comforts me too.
Be kind to yourself and love on the rest of your family. Cuddling with your other children is very therapeutic. I'll be lifting you and your little one up in prayer. RM

[missw005]

Shycar,

I am SOOOOOOOOO sorry for you. It's like a death, isn't it? And nothing anybody says seems to help, and sometimes what they say just irritates you more.

When my twins left after 13 months (they were 5 by then), I wanted to die. I did not want to function. I thought I'd never get over it. I cried myself to sleep every night. Everything flooded my heart with memories and my eyes with tears.

Then, one day it hurt a little less. A few days later, it hurt a little more less.

But many of us have been there. Vent your anger and frustration, pour out your heart and your sorrow. We're all here for you. To listen, to keep your grief and heartbreak in our thoughts and eventually to begin your healing in our hearts.

Take care of yourself in this dark time. It's hard. Very hard. But you have to. I'll help in any way I can.
My heart goes out to you.

Sandy

[Howdy]

So sorry for your loss. If it is any comfort, presumably the case is still being followed and either the baby will adjust and be happy with the new situation, or else he will return to the system and to you. I wish you could see him and be sure he is happy.