[SashaSue]

I have no experience with children and sexual abuse so this may be nothing to worry about BUT...I have a 18 month old fs who came to me about a week and a half ago and I noticed something that I need help with...well first of all I had a friend over (male) and he was wearing shorts and the fs was standing in front of him while he was sitting on the couch and the child pointed to my friend's crotch area. I didn't think much of that until last night when the child was laying on the sofa on his stomach and he was kind of simulating a sex act and then later he was laying on the floor and pushed his tennis shoes that were laying in the floor underneath himself and started to do it again. Am I reading too much into this? I have just never seen a child do this before...

There was no report of sexual abuse by the worker, the main problem was drug use by the bp. Any input would be appreciated...

Thanks!
SashaSue

[TexasJingles]

I would call the cw'r and tell them about it. Even if it is nothing, get it on the record.

Kids explore themselves and this is normal for every child (supposedly this has even been documented while still in the womb). However, your fs may have seen things he should not have. He may have seen bparents in the act, or even movies or TV, or even the neighbors! This is also considered sexual abuse.

During our homestudy, I related a story of a friend of mine that went from being a jr. high band director to an elementary music teacher (basically from 6th graders to K - 5). She called me in tears one day and asked me what I would do with a 1st grader who was sitting in her class masterbating! She had no clue as to what to do... take him to the side and tell him to stop, call the parents, send him to the nurse or what? I NEVER thought of telling her to report it for possible child abuse! Our homestudy worker pointed that one out. I just never thought about it before training. And I've been teacher for 15 years!

Document, document, document. It really is the best policy. Even if it turns out to be nothing.

[Kate1129]

I too would call the SW. Get it on record!

Then when he does it in front of people, don't shame him. Just redirect him to another room. Just let him know that's a private thing.

[SashaSue]

Thanks TexasJingles and Kate1129,

I just spoke to his worker and she is going to document it. She figures he has seen someone do this, probably his parents and will speak to them about it. I'm just glad that she thinks that nothing has been done to him, only that he has seen things he shouldn't have...

I always create a journal on my computer for each of the kids that come into my home, so it's there as well.

SashaSue

[Kate1129]

That's good!!!

A child of 18 months mainly mimics what they have seen. I do pray that nothing has been done to him!!!

[lambeausam]

This is definitely not an innate behavior. He had to have seen it or experienced it somewhere.

Sam

[chrisandlainey]

you guys really think this is not normal? we got our son at 18 months.. and about 2 months later he started the same stuff. he is exploring his body, and wants to see his penis, points to his body parts and then the same body parts on others.. like his belly and mama's belly. and he started masturbating. it is just kind of humping his blanket or the pillow on the couch once in a while.
from everything i read, this is normal behavior for this age.

[TexasJingles]

chrisandlainey -- It can be normal and it also could be that the child saw something or someone did something. That's the whole point of documenting. We just don't know as foster parents what MIGHT have happened.

So, to help the child in the future, to protect yourself, and any other reason that you can think of, let cw's know, document, redirect the behavior -- sure you can tell them that this is something that they do in private, but can 18 m/o's really understand this? (They still run around the house naked while you're trying to catch them to get them dressed! They don't care who sees them, modesty is taught.) I would just pick up a toy or something that they really like and distract them from this behavior (especially if it's in a public setting, less stress for everyone).

[Kate1129]

I agree with Texas Jingle. A person just doens't know. Document for YOUR protection!!!!

[sfbaymom2000]

I am still trying to figure out a good way to handle this behavior. It is all fine and dandy to tell them this is something that is done in private...but what do you do when they than go into their room and do it seemingly all the time? I know masturbation is very normal at this age, but at what point is it excessive? I am fairly sure what we are experiencing is not "normal".

Someone suggested to me a while back to try to find a harmless activity that would be soothing to substitute for the masturbating. I was just discussing this with DH. Don't know what to try. She would love a bottle, but then that might creat new problems. I had tried a bottle with her once, as a way of bonding, and she wanted it all the time!

Our therapist thinks this happens when she is remembering something (there is no documented sexual abuse), but I am not so sure. She says to just talk to her about what she is feeling, and ask if she is remembering anything. Today I think she just did it because she was bored.

I agree that documenting is important. Sometimes later on, you start to see a pattern that makes some kind of sense. Good luck to you!

[Kate1129]

We had a short term placement last summer. The young girl was 8 yrs old. She did it all the time! I mean like 30 times a day. It was so difficult to deal with. There was no way to proove sexual abuse, but I'm sure it happened! There were other signs also. Anyway, we were open and honest about it. I told her that I'd like for her to not do that. I'd ask her why she did it and her response was always "Because I can".


I never could get her to stop. I did try redirection. When I'd see her going to her room, I'd always distract her, I'd ask her to do something else. Hoping she would forget. It sort of worked. Other behaviors came out (she went in the shower with my dh and grabbed his privates). She was moved that day! It was not good! She's in a residential treatment center now. She's been there since. The reports are always horrible so I don't ask how she's doing. Poor child! I just pray for her and let it be.

I wish I had a better post for you, what a downer!

[kaosweaver]

Ok ... very freaked out. Kate - my skin crawled at that - btw, what does dh mean? I would be stunned if that was to happen. I think a lock on the door will be used until I am sure our future daughter does not exhibit these issues.

It makes me so angry that children are inflicted with sexual abuse, yet so sad for the children and so bewildered at how to help them heal.

[crick]

Sashasue - I agree with others about documentation and keeping an eye on the situation. I don't think we ever really know exactly what happens to the kids or what they experience so there's always going to be the question of "is this normal" or "did something happen"?

Sfbay - Sounds like your daughter really uses masturbation as a comfort/control activity. So to me, finding anything to help her comfort herself to help take the place of excessive masturbation away might help.

I know what you mean about the bottle creating another set of problems but maybe you could explore this further? If you think it might help, it might be a good idea to try. Having a bottle is a better comfort tool than excessive masturbation...jmo.

If the bottle is too much, maybe you could try a special sippy cup instead? One of those fancy ones that change colors or lights up etc.? (I probably wouldn't get the one with the straw if you think she would misuse it)

More than redirection, it sounds like you need to find "the" thing that will replace this activity that allows her to comfort herself. My daughter used to do this too and it took time to overcome. Took a lot of searching around for something that would work. In the end, she came up with her own comfort thing...sucking her thumb.

And yes, it did create another set of problems....teeth development and social embarrassment for her. So now we allow her to have an orthodontic pacifier at night and she no longer sucks her thumb at school. It just took time though. Had to wait for her to feel safe, to bond/attach more etc. And while there are those who think I shouldn't let my 7 year old daughter have a pacifier...well....they haven't walked in my or my daughter's shoes.

P.S. Kaosweaver - dh = dear husband or darling hubby