[bumpkin]

I'm curious to hear from others how they handle transporting their fc to visits. I *hopefully, will be getting my twins sister on Friday as a foster care placement. Bmom will have weekly visits for 2 hours... The site is about 45 minutes away I don't actually have any objection to transporting her, I never really like the idea of having someone else drive my kids around. But I don't want bmom to be seeing the twins every week. With this new little lamb I"ll have 4 children, 3 under 16 months, so if I have a sitter, I really don't want it to be so I can drive for 45 minutes, sit for 2 hours and drive 45 more minutes back.

Would it be terrible to ask them to meet me 1/2 way.

[Rocking Mama]

I don't see why you can't negotiate the details of the visits. I would think if your caseworker considers your other children and your sacrifice of time and travel, he/she will work with you. Just make sure you don't do anything you aren't comfortable with--I'm learning that the hard way myself!
In my last case, I let myself be bullied into way too much "alone" time with fs and the birthmom and well, have you ever heard the phrase "familiarity breeds contempt"? She came to despise me (she told me stuff in moments of vulnerability, then hated me for knowing). So, just don't let them talk you into doing more than you're comfortable with. Remember, they NEED you, so they will work with you. HTH!
PS. Are you having to supervise the visits without a SW? I'm just curious.
RM

[bumpkin]

Rockingmama - no I won't be supervising the visits, but they will be supervised.

It's kind of a long story, but I think the cw is a little leary of giving us this little lamb, so I don't want to make it so inconvenient that she doesn't. I am concerned about just what you mentioned though - don't want them to require us to do more than we are willing to.

I would be happy with driving her 25 minutes to meet sw and meeting her back at that same spot. 20 minutes for sw to drive. I just don't know if that's kind of alot to ask.

[mommyto9]

It never hurts to ask. I use to transport without reimbursement, then I asked and now I get reimbursed for every mile I drive. Another time they needed a fosterhome for 2 little boys (we still have them ), but at the time I already had 3 fc and was running like a wild woman to visits etc. I told them I could take them, but there was no way I could fit in any more travel time. They did all the transporting for me. Another time I asked a different county for help, and they politely let me know that if I couldn't deal with the travel they could possibly find a closer foster home. So since I loved the children I kept at it! Like I said, it doesn't hurt to ask. Just do it politely and see what hapens.

Good Luck!!

Mommyto9

[MamaTo6]

Where we are, fp's are no longer allowed to transport to visits. We have volunteer drivers who get reimbursed for their gas and mileage. We used to transport, but there were too many problems with bp's meeting and intimidating fp's. We even had a few cases of bp's following and then knowing where their kids were living with fp's.

Volunteer drivers have been a problem too, although it seems to have gotten better. I had my infant lil guy "missing" for hours, and another time was returned the wrong baby. HONEST!!

Just really don't do more than what you want or feel you can do. I know you don't want to rock the boat, and I don't blame you. Good luck with your decision.

Warm Wishes...Teagans Mama

[mpoo]

Well we just started transportation for visits and we decided we are just going to save the receipts for tax purposes at the end of the year.

We tried unsuccessfully several months ago to get reimbursed for doctors visits and such. Our SW took our receipts, her supervisor signed off and 8 months later - hmm no reimbursement. Thank god I made copies.

[yanknrebel]

I had the cw come pick up my fd (who we have since adopted) . I wanted to take my fd to the visits, did for a couple of times then was told I could no longer do it. The center where the supervised visitations were taking palce was about a 5 minute drive from my house. My fd caseworker was ALWAYS running late. It started out innocently enough . CW called to tell me that he was running late (AGAIN), about 15 minutes. Well I had to go to the store anyway which you literally have to pass by the center to get there. So.... I offered to meet the cw at the center, where I would wait with my fd until cw got there and in the interim would tell the bf that cw was coming. So, the next time cw was running late , he asked if I would meet him at the center. Again not a problem. HOWEVER, I arrived 5 minutes early and was the first to arrive. While waiting I saw the paternal grandmother and her cousin pull up in the parking lot. I then saw the biomom and the bf drive across the street, biomom let bf out of car, and left. Then cw pulls up in the parking lot , followed by the bf walking from the store across the street. Now keep in mind, the judge ordered that the bf make a "significant departure" from the biomom. (Biomom served 10 years for 2 counts severe child abuse againset her first 2 children). SO, I mentioned to the cw about what I had witnessed. Here the bf was "having nothing to do with the biomom" (he told the judge this) but he was consistenatly showing up with the biomom and seen away from home and at the biomom's home. Anyway, AFTER I told the cw this, I was told (or requested) by the bf NOT to come back up to the center or bring FD (now OUR adopted daughter) up to the center anymore. Now the twins, I have to take to visitation, drive 45 minutes one way, and never get reimbursement for mileage. We got a pay increase for our stipend , so we do not get gas reimbursement.

Boy I got off the subject on this one, didn't I? Sorry

[bumpkin]

Wow - it amazes me there is so much difference for people.

Wow yankeerbl - that's bizarre!

I'm really not worried so much about the transporting, in fact, I'd rather bring her - a little freaked out by not knowing where the baby is. It's that I'd be bringing the little lamb into the center and would have to bring my twins in - and I don't want bmom to be seeing them all the time. Also, there is just one way in and out and I do have privacy concerns as far as my car, plate number etc....

I guess I could suggest meeting just down the street.

[Rocking Mama]

bumpkin,
Just a thought, might be too complicated, but you decide.........
Do you know a trustworthy teenage girl or one of your girlfriends who could ride with you and wait in the car while you take the baby into the visitation place? Then, maybe you could take the twins to McD's for a play-date or to the nearby library while you wait for the visit to finish? I know it might be a lot to ask but maybe you could pay a teenager a little bit for going with you? My 15 year old daughter rides in the car with our neighbor lady so she can watch her 2 small kids every morning
while neighbor runs errands. She pays my daughter 30 bucks every 2 weeks. Just an idea..........RM

[Kate1129]

For us, if the visit is at the agency, I'll drive there. If the visit is in the home, I make them meet me half way. For our bfamily money is an issue. If they cannot afford to meet me half way, how can they afford to raise the children. The SW agrees that they need to pitch in when it comes to driving (I live 2 hours from the family and the agency).

[Crane13]

I am surprised to hear that fparents transport kids to visits. At our agency, the bfamily (situation and who they are) is kept confidential. We have had 8, and only one was given unsupervised visits with gma. I would meet gma in the community and she would take him home to her house. 5 hours later, we would meet at Walgreens again for the exchange. (Sorry to sound so clinical...) Case workers pick the kids up at school or day care and go to the visits with the kids and supervise. Then they are returned to our home or school/daycare, depending on the time. DH and I take off enough time for sick kids, doctors appointments, ER visits, etc. I could not handle taking a half day off work once a week for visit transports. My boss would flip! I am not at a very "foster parent friendly" work place.

Jill

[Kate1129]

I know for us, I work very hard to keep our contact information confidential. I do not allow them to know our phone number or address (or at least I really try)!!!

I live in Wyoming and our system is flawed because of our lack of population. The stuff that is considered "ok" because there isn't anyone putting up a stink is terrible!!

[bumpkin]

Thanks All - I talked with them yesterday and they said we could work something out where I could meet them 1/2 way or down the street - I was mostly concerned about bringing my other children into the DSS facility. They seem to be OK with doing what we have to. Thanks to your advice though - I was adamant that I would drive her nearby - but wouldn't be bringing them all in, so your words really helped.

[nursie]

Wow, interesting thread. We actually are starting bf visits in our own home. We are a fp to his biodaughter. So, he knows our number, name , address, etc.
We were always told that the bp has a right to our info and I have always felt uncomfortable with this.
The SW asked if we could do visits at a public place like a library or if we wanted our home. We did one at the library and that was wierd cuz bdad was making very loud inappropriate comments about 'suing the county agency, blah, blah, blah' so I felt maybe having in our home would be better. I hope I don't have regrets as this is not a "stellar" parent. He has been in prison for assault and has had drug history so, wish me luck. If things start to feel uncomfortable I will tell the CW to make other arrangements for his second weekly visit. I can only do so much and sometimes feel as if i am asked to go over and above my daily duties in caring for our foster children. My hope is that he sees she is happy in our home and that we can offer her a good life with her brother who we plan do adopt (different bdads).
Anyway, I kind of feel the agency should be responsible for the bp visits and should be supervising them. This will be my first experience in supervisng visits. Should be interesting.

[mommyto9]

We supervise visits in our own home all the time. The CW's seem to think nothing of it. My dh doesn't like it much, so most of the visits are while he works. We have the bf, and g-ma. Bf has been in jail for domestic abuse, drugs, OWI, etc. So far we've not had any problems. Our county judge told us that the bf has the right to know our phone numbers, email addresses etc. I was shocked! But that's what he said, so.... Like I said, so far so good, but what happens if we encounter one of those crazy families you read about???? I guess we'll continue to pray....