[mandallysmom]

Hi!
Well after being approved for foster/adopt for a little over a month and a half we got the call for the emergency placement of two children. FD is 6 1/2 and FS a boy is 2. At the 5-day hearing the judge decided they were to stay in foster care rather than go with any family members. They are looking into them now, but most of them do not look fit.
Mom has not called or asked to see them since the hearing which was this past Wednesday. When asked how she felt about all of it she said "Fine" very flatly, showed no emotion.
FS has 1st visit w/ bio-dad Tuesday. Bio-dad is very interested in seeing him and knowing how he is. He works nights at a restaurant and has 2 kids who live in another country. He was however living in this neglect situation with the mother and had to have known and been some part of what was happening. He is trying to minimize his part in it all and minimize their alcohol use.
The kids have 2 different dad's and Mom is pregnant with another one, 7 mos. along. There is lots of alcohol involved and a lot of neglect. Mom drank with FS and possibly FD and is throughout this current pregnancy. These 2 were living in a motel room with Mom and this Dad. They arrived in our home filthy, with clothing that was 1/2 the size it should be. FD was molested by a family member at age of 4.
We are told that the prospect of reunification w/ Mom is poor, dad is 50/50 for fson. I am surprised that they are telling us this only 2 weeks into it. They are asking if it comes to it if we are interested in taking the newborn in a few months if Mom is not doing anything to have services.
What do you all think is ahead for us? Also what about fetal alcohol, the sex abuse, attachment disorder, etc. What are we in for? We're up for it, but would just like to hear from all of you on your experiences. Especially with the system and the bio's and the courts and how it all might go.

[leaabc123]

When kids are placed in care, they always have to have a back-up plan. The first goal is almost always reunification, while the back-up can be adoption or independent living for older teens.

Just because they are asking does not mean it will definitely happen. A judge may decide that the relative is a good enough resource, regardless of the issues.

If you would consider adoption, there is no harm in saying so but also make sure that you say that you want to make sure there would be services in place for the children at that time.

Good Luck!

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

Hi,

I'm thinking you need to decide if you want the infant too because, unless they're placed with a relative you will be getting a call.

As far as the alcohol use during pregnancy I can tell you that my kids were exposed to alcohol. They do not have FAS but, more than likely have FAE. We have adhd issues and behavior issues with them. Our dd was 13 months when placed with us (she's 3-1/2 now) and she has always have a violent temper. They are both very intelligent so I don't think we'll have learning issues but we really won't know that until they're in "regular" school.

As far as sexually abused children I would watch her to be sure she doesn't act out what's been done to her. I don't have experience with a sexually abused child (except an infant) so I can't offer any advice there.

Attachment disorders are rough. If they truly have an attachment disorder they will need to be in attachment therapy and the sooner the better. I would be sure to make a lot of loving eye contact with them, lots of cuddling (be careful this doesn't upset the 6 y/o). Yelling at kids with AD does more harm than good, it will reinforce that they have power and that they are no good. Kids that have been neglected need to feel in control of their lives. If they don't have that feeling they actually feel like they will die. You need to teach them that it's a mommy's/daddy's job to take care of them and love them and keep them safe.

Best of luck.

Michelle