[gregorysparents]

This is my second time posting anything to a "public" forum. First time was yesterday on another forum. But my son's (my foster son) future is on the line - so - I will do what ever it takes.


This is going to be long......but I want you to have most of the information up-front.

Below is a letter that I wrote to my DFC Director on March 7, 2005. Of course, I have received no response from her. I also got a copy to both CW's and a copy to the DFC attorney.


"I do not understand how the case plan for Gregory has always been “a permanent plan of adoption for Greg, and it is in his best interest that termination of parental rights be ordered” and then on Monday, February 28th the Judge rules not to terminate the parental rights.

I guess one of the most important points of this letter, is that the Judge did not base his decision on facts. He based his decision on an evaluation that he ordered at a July 22, 2004 hearing that was not properly completed. This, I am being told is still up for debate. According to what I am being told, this evaluation was to cover the topic of visitation. This evaluation was completed on September 1, 2004 at the ***** Center.

To my understanding, this evaluation did not directly cover the topic of visitation. The Dr. did speak about bonding issues, attachment issues and etc. To my knowledge the actual evaluation could be interpreted to cover the topic of visitation. Now, this evaluation was completed sometime around September 1st and 2nd. I would have to gather that the Dr. finished his report and submitted it to the Judge within a week. This is where I start to have questions regarding this report. The Judge did not reorder the evaluation to be redone when he received the report back in September from the Dr. To my knowledge, the attorney for the bio-parents or the bio-parents did not ask that this evaluation be redone. Nothing was done to redirect this report until the January 6, 2005 hearing. What happened between September 2004 and January 6, 2005?

At the January 6th hearing, the Judge ordered that the evaluation be redone to cover the topic of visitation. We took Gregory on January 11th to the ****** Center to see the same Dr. The Dr. did redo the evaluation and he turned in a report to the Judge recommending visitation. While the Dr. recommended visitation, he stated that he still stands behind his September 2004 report in regards to not removing Gregory from our home. The Dr. also stated that it would be harmful to him to do this because of attachment and bonding issues. One-hour supervised visitations were started on January 31st. These have continued every Monday for a total of four visits (with the exception of February 28th when the Termination Hearing was held).

How can a Judge, the DFC or anyone else for that matter, think about putting a child back into a home whose parents have a long history of abuses?


Both bio-parents have an extremely long history of use and abuse of illegal drugs (including crystal methamphetamines, marijuana and cocaine) and alcohol. Not only did they use crystal methamphetamines but in April 2003, both were arrested and later sentenced for dealing in methamphetamines and possession of two or more chemical reagents with intent to manufacture. In September 2003 both bio-parents were sentenced to one and one half years incarceration. Both have previous criminal histories. Prior to Mr. ****** September 29th sentencing, he was arrested on September 19th for attempted theft and possession of marijuana (not sure where this stands now). So the point I am trying to make with this information is that from April 2003 to September 2003 not only did the bio-parents make no attempts to receive help or to work on getting Gregory or any of their other children back, but Mr. ****** was arrested again a week or so before his sentencing hearing.

Both parents also have an extremely long history of other serious issues. Including, but not limited to, martial issues, violence issues, and harassment and intimidation issues. They have had issues for many years in regards to raising children. Mr. and Mrs. ****** have three children together (two girls and Gregory). The two girls are being raised by a paternal grandparent and have been for many years (even prior to Gregory’s removal). Gregory is placed with us. Mrs. ****** has four other children that are placed with their fathers. Mrs. ****** 17-year old son was sentenced in September 2004 to sixteen years in prison for inducing or causing robbery and criminal confinement, both Class B felonies.

Right now, Mr. and Mrs. ****** appear to be doing well in their sobriety. Scott and I are truly happy for them and we pray that they may continue. But, treatment programs, counseling and etc. have not worked in the past on a long-term basis. They have a long history of cleaning up, finding the Lord and being productive citizens. But these times don’t last. Everything goes well for a while and then something happens and they end up taking a few major steps back.


For example; when they were incarcerated Mr. ****** completed a twelve-step substance abuse program while at the ****** County Jail. When Mr. and Mrs. ****** were released from incarceration as of June 20 and June 24, 2004 respectively, both visited the ******, a bar in ******. There were problems that arose and Mr. and Mrs. ****** became angry and violent. Mr. ****** was asked to leave. He refused to do so. Mr. ****** was forcibly removed from the bar as he continued to yell and act violent. Shortly after the removal of Mr. ****** there were noises outside. These noises were windshields being broken. There were no witnesses to the breakage of the windshields, but they were not broken prior to the removal of Mr. ******. My concern is that they went thru treatment programs while incarcerated and found the Lord. But within a few days, they were in a bar.


Mr. ****** is approximately 54-years old and Mrs. ****** is approximately 41-years old. What are their chances of this time making everything work? Is it worth putting a two and a half year old back into a “what if” situation? What if they are having a good day? What if they aren’t? What if today is the day they can’t handle things? What if today they can handle things? What if they get tempted to take a drink or worse? Children raised in this type of an environment have a much higher risk of becoming substance abusers, persons that have a hard time having healthy relationships with others and a higher risk of committing crimes.


They are receiving a lot of help right now. They are getting counseling and attending Church. At any given point in time they can be given a drug screen. With these things happening it will be easier for them to succeed. What happens when all of this help stops and they have to do for themselves and be responsible for everything themselves? How are they going to be able to raise a child or children when they can’t care for themselves without help from others? It’s easy when things are handed to you and you are being monitored – it’s not easy when you have to do for yourself and I mean completely for yourself – no help from others.

We did not become foster parents just so we could adopt a child. We became foster parents because we have a lot of love and patience to give children in their time of need. Gregory was placed with us because we would adopt him and because we could give him the love and the attention that he so desperately needed. We live on a small farm. This takes children away from the city and the noise and puts them into an environment where they can concentrate on themselves and start dealing with what’s going on in their lives. We have always put the need of our foster children first.


Lastly, the Judge told us directly in a February, 2004 hearing that, “I can’t wait to see these termination papers cross my desk.” During the July 22, 2004 hearing, we were in the waiting area, we were told that the Judge told the bio-parents something to the effect of, sometimes when you love something you have to do what is best and sometimes that means giving it up. In the January 6, 2005 hearing the Judge was going over the September, 2004 report and stated something about removing Gregory from our home could have harmful long-term lasting effects on Gregory. The bio-mom stated something to the effect of, the report said it could have. The Judge asked her if she was willing to take that chance. You see, I don’t know why these comments were made in these three hearings (that would lead a person to believe that rights were going to be terminated) and then on February 28, 2005 parental rights were not terminated.


So maybe you can see our frustration and confusion that we are going thru right now. Also, you should understand why we are so upset. We are upset for Gregory and for any other child that might have to go thru this type of situation.


On February 28th during lunch, Mrs. ****** approached me in a restaurant and sat with me for a few minutes. She said that if we got to adopt Gregory that they would like to see him grow up. I told Mrs. ****** that they would always be Gregory’s biological parents and that he would know that he was adopted and that he would know who his bio-parents were. I said that with honesty, communication and trust that they could see him. Furthermore, I stated that we still wanted to have a relationship with Gregory’s biological family (we have an excellent relationship with his paternal grandmother, an uncle and his sisters) and that things would not change. You see we are willing to do what it takes to make sure this child has a happy well-adjusted life.


We know that most if not all of our caseworkers are overworked and underpaid. We feel like a lot of these overworked caseworkers take their cases and take a personal interest in them. We feel like ****** and ****** are such persons. We have respected the Judge that has been handling this case since day one. He showed us some concern and interest when in July 2004 he explained to ****** that if we were in his courtroom that we would have to give our last name. He did not have to relay this information to us prior to our entering the courtroom but he did. Also prior to this with his comment to us during the February 2004 hearing regarding his statement of, “I can’t wait to see these termination papers cross my desk.”


Where is this child’s voice? This child’s voice is CASA. But his voice was not heard on February 28, 2005. If his voice was heard, then the Judge would have heard that his best interest was and is to stay where he is – in the only home where he has felt love, receives the time and attention that he needs and deserves (from us as parents, from our families and friends and from our Church) and feels secure and safe.


I promise you, we will not stop fighting for Gregory or for any other child for that matter. If Gregory gets sent back to his bio-parents, we will still not stop fighting for him. We will use whatever means we can to bring this situation to light and to let people know how the best interest of the child is not always put first. We will show how a conflict or misunderstanding between one Judge and the DFC can put the best interest of the child in jeopardy. We are not saying this just because it’s “our” child that this is happening to. We will DO this because a person no matter what your title is, whether you are a Judge, caseworker or anyone else, should not be allowed to make decisions that are not based on facts especially when it comes to the welfare of children.


Please let us know what the Division of Family and Children plan on doing from here. I know that the DFC has to follow the Judge’s orders, but I also know that you can still work on termination plans. Will the DFC file an appeal on the February 28th judgment? I know that the DFC can do what is right and put this child first. We would fight for your child – won’t you fight for ours and for the others that will follow?"


Our son will be three years old in August. He has been in the foster care system continually since April 2003. We are his third foster home. He was placed with us October 2003. I believe that the TPR was filed in June 2004.


According to the court order: ............."The Court FURTHER FINDS that the Office of Family and Children did not offer services to the parents and child as directed by this Court on July 22, 2004......... The COURT FURTHER FINDS that the services ordered on July 22, 2004 were and are substantial and material in relation to implementation of a plan to permit safe return of the child to the child's home. Failure of providing the services as directed on July 22, 2004 could be harmful to the child. The Court FURTHER FINDS that I.C. 31-34-21-56 is not applicable to the child."

As is stands now, we are waiting to have a case plan issued. The birthparents next six-month hearing is June 2005. Are fears are this child could be placed in their home at this time. As of this time, there have been eight one-hour supervised visits. These visits started January 2005. This was the first time that our son had visitation with his birthparents since July or August of 2003. Also, the birthfather's arrest from September 2003 was finalized in November 2004. He was convicted his second Class D felony (first one April 2003, this one September 2003) and was given a suspended sentence and is on probation for one and one half years.

We have talked to one attorney (over the phone) from the county where the case is out and we were told that we had no rights. I spoke with another attorney on Friday and he said that we could maybe file for a contested adoption - but he wanted to wait until the year anniversary of the parents release of jail (sometime later this summer) before he filed. His reasoning is if they have not paid any support to the county for one year, then we might be able to use this to our (our son's) advantage when filing for a contested adoption.

Does anyone know what has to be proved in order to file and win a contestd adoption in Indiana? Any help? I know that no matter what happens with this situation I will fight to change the way the foster care system and etc. takes care of our children. If you have any suggestions or if you want to make me aware of YOUR issues - I will listen and I will compile a file of other peoples issues, thoughts and concerns regarding our foster care system. If you don't want your name used, just please make a note of this next to your name and I will not use your name.


Any ideas or suggestions on where we can go from here? Yes, we love this child and we want this child be to ours - but - we are not fighting just for us. We are honestly and truly fighting for HIM and for every other child that gets put into this situation. Unfortunately, ours is a mild "problem" compared to a lot of the other situations that I have read about.


Sorry this was so long.......but I wanted you to have a lot of the information early on.


Thanks in advance for any help that you might be able to send our way. I look forward to hearing from everyone and I hope that in the very near future, I can work towards making our politicians and etc. aware that our foster care system needs to be changed to focus more on the best needs of the CHILDREN.


God bless all of the birth parents, foster parents and adoptive parents. Have a GREAT Easter.


Christina

[Love_um_all]

In my opinion, you should not tell the department you plan to hire an attorney, just do it if you feel you need to. Just because a parent is a criminal, unfortantly for the children, does not mean TPR. TPR is a very serious thing, and the courts and cw's do not take it for granted. I have heard of the dept taking kids out of a home that a foster parent will try to go against them. I don't know your department, but where I live, talk like this would jepordize the placement. You are a foster parent, the department makes the decisions, the judge makes the decisions, if you are not going into the court room, you don't know the whole story and cw's may not give it to you. Are the CW's on your side, is CASA? If you are a lone ranger on this... it is really risky. Is this your first placement? I really hope I am all wrong here, but in my experience, the say the sweeky wheel gets the grease, in my experince it is true, but it is also the first one to get replaced.
(((HUGS))) I really hope I am wrong, and hope you have an agency that can handle oposition, or a rational mind...mine can't...
Peace...

[gregorysparents]

Love_um_all,

Thanks for your response. I guess I need to clarify some things. We don't think that just because a birth parent (or anyone else) committs a crime that this automatically makes them a person that does not deserve the right to raise their child/ren. I know lots of people that have taken the "wrong road" (sometimes more than once) and then somehow they get their life turned around and become a productive citizen that takes care of themselves and any other family members that they are responsible for.

Gregory is not our first foster child. We have been foster parents for over two years now. Our first placement was a 15 year-old girl - she was my bestfriend's niece and we had her from April, 2003 to October, 2003. We still have contact with her and she calls when she needs to talk or when she needs to see us. We have had a few other placements.

To my understanding, both cw's are on "our" side - that is they think that parental rights should be terminated and that we should be able to adopt Gregory. Also, CASA (volunteer and whole office) is in support of rights being terminated and Gregory being adopted by us.

We were in the hearing held February, 2004 (birth parents were still incarcerated). We went to the July, 2004 hearing, but were told that if we entered the court room with the parents, then we would have to give our last name. We chose not to do this because of the fear that they would locate us (we live a couple of counties away from them). We took the same option for the January, 2005 hearing. You are right, because we were not in these two hearings, we were not truly sure as to what was said. Because of this, I received the permission of the Judge early last week to review the recordings of both hearings. I went to the court house and was able to listen to both of these tapes. Furthermore, I was allowed to take notes. I was not (at this time) allowed to hear the tape from the Termination Hearing (I was pretty sure that I would not be allowed to).

My dh and I will support the birth parents anyway we can (whether Gregory stays with us or goes back to them). We would not "work" against them because this will - in the end - hurt Gregory. But, we will look into seeing what legal avenues we can take.

Thanks again for your response. I appreciate any feedback that I can receive. I am new to this forum "stuff" and I am excited to receive feedback from everyone - no matter what direction you may be coming from.

Christina

[Love_um_all]

I am soooooo glad they are working with you. It sounds to me like you should just try to be patient. If the department and casa is with you, it sounds like G is gonna be with you in the end.... I know it is hard to see it when you are in the middle, and I know how scarry it is... but my bet is on you being his permanent placement, aka adoption... It is a legal and frustrating process, but these things happen.... and that does not mean that G is goning home, just the judge needs to give the BP's-EVERY-EVEERY-EVERY-opportunity, and that is better for you, because when it is done, it is done, and they will have no reason to contest or appeal the TPR, even if they try, does not meant that a court will overturn the appeal... Like my attorney told me, the longer they are with you, the better for you....

Wish you all the best and G is supper blessed to have a strong and commited family...

[gregorysparents]

Love_um_all,

Thanks for your kinds words!! We have been told by the DFC that they have to follow the Order of the Judge. My opinion is that they don't want to upset the Judge (any more than he might already be) because he hears all of the DFC cases. Thanks again!!!

Christina

[Mamanay1]

I read your post and thought this site may help

http://www.adoptioninchildtime.org/t...erparents.html

[lambeausam]

Just wanted to say good luck and I hope everything works out.

Sam

[gregorysparents]

Mamanay1,

Thanks for the link. Several weeks ago, I printed off and read EVERY single thing on this website. In fact, I spoke with Mr. Kenny last week. He is the one that stated that if the bparents didn't pay support to the county for one year after they were out of jail, that we could possibly file for a contested adoption. Their year anniversary won't be until later this summer and the next hearing will be early June. A case plan will be done later this week or next and I am afraid that the DFC or the bparents attorney will recommend that they start paying support.

Thanks again. If you can think of anything else, please let me know.

Christina

[Nixie]

Get an attorney and join in the TPR action ASAP. I had a foster family that joined in our agency's TPR, because they were concerned.
Also, if one or both of the parents go to jail in SC that is abandonement, because they willfully broke the law knowing it would prevent them from caring for their child or children. Also, it never fails for me that when I have parents sitting in jail they find God and do whatever program they offer because it takes time off of their sentence, not to get their children back!
I agree children have NO RIGHTS in our judicial system. It is sooo sad and frustrating. I find myself the only one crying at TPR hearings because of what the children have endured and of course the parents show no remorse.
Lastly, the past is the best indicator for the future. So I would bet they will follow in their past footsteps and mess up again.
I would follow up with meeting with an attorney to do your own TPR. Good Luck!
Where are you from in Indiana? My husband is from Dale, outside of Evansville.

[gregorysparents]

Nixie, Thanks for your response. My dh and I are soooo confused as to what to do.

Love_um_all's original response was what my dh and I hear all of the time. I have been told not to "rock the boat" and "you (as fps) have not rights". Luckily, I was able to receive some feedback from Love_um_all and I was able to clarify some things. Thanks again Love_um_all.

Many years ago I worked with a company and my responsibility was hiring plant personnel. I was always told by my HR Director that she followed one rule all of the time. She said that a person's past work history was a pretty good indicator of a person's future work history. Well, wouldn't the same "rule" apply to other avenues of life?

Like......if you are the bdad of three children and have none of them living with you. Or, if you were the bmom of seven children and have none wouldn't this tell you that there was a problem? The three children that the bdad had(s) is with my fs's bmom (they are married). He has never had children by anyone else. When my fs was removed, there was only one half sister (age 8 at the time) living with him. His two birth sisters (ages 6 and 4 or 5 at the time) were already being raised by paternal Grandparents who received guardianship in October 2001. The girls are still being raised by this grandmother (grandfather died last year) – she is 77 years old. My fs was removed, April 3, 2003 (two years ago today – we are his third foster home!). So, out of the three children that the bdad had, he only had one living with him. Out of the seven children that the bmom had, she only had two of them living with her. None of these children from either bp was "taken" from them. They always "gave them up" - with the exception of my fs. The grandmother wants my dh and I to adopt our fs. In fact, it had been discussed (before bps were released from jail) that if anything would happen to grandma that my dh and I would take the girls and raise them. Grandma knows that we would still do this if something would happen.


I don’t think that the bps will “mess up again” in the near future. They are on a natural high right now. My dh and I don’t want them to mess. When you are being drug tested, encouraged and etc. then it’s hard to not succeed. But, when all of this help goes away, then what? Does this child or any other child deserve to be put into a “what if situation”? What if the parents are having a good day? What if they aren’t? What if the help stops and they can’t succeed on their own? What if they can?

I am not sure what you mean by "join in the TPR action ASAP". Could you please explain? Also you stated "I would follow up with meeting with an attorney to do your own TPR". Could you also explain this?

I am waiting on a call from the cw to see when the case plan meeting has been set. It will probably be sometime this week. I have never attended one (was never invited and did not know that I had the right to be there). My dh and I feel pretty stupid because of the lack of knowledge we have in regards to what fps can and can't do. Could you please explain to me what I am allowed to do, say or suggest in this meeting? What can I say no to (if anything)? What happens if I think the bps ought to do something for their case plan that the cw or the bps attorney doesn't agree to? Do I have to sign the case plan?


My dh and I have never been thru any situation like this before. We never asked to adopt our fs......we were asked if we would adopt him before he was ever placed with us – this is why he was placed with us. Now what?

Thanks for your time. I have not had a full nights sleep since February 26th. The TPR hearing was on the 28th. How much longer can a person go thru this? I almost feel ashamed of myself for even complaining – my “situation” is not near as bad as others that I have read about. But….it’s not me that I am worried about. It’s this little boy that my dh and I are very worried about. It’s also all of the other children that are affected by wrong decisions, mistakes, and just the system in general.

Christina