[MOFosterMom]

Hey there,

It's been a while since I posted here but I'm extremely angry at the 'system' right now for many reasons but allow me to explain.

Client X of child Y (who is 8 months old now), is a career crack addict. This client has had a total of NINE crack babies, doesn't have custody of any of the other 8 children, saw the child only a cpl times in the first few months, then missed THREE entire months from last Oct. -Feb. and the last week in Feb she picked them back up again right before court in March. Not only that, she relapsed once during that time, had to go through rehab (twice) because she quit the first time, was given a place to live for free, had to be given furniture as well, lives off welfare, doesn't work at all, not that she's disabled, and to top it all off?.... The social workers RECOMMENDATION, at the urging of the "birth mother" herself on the day of court, requested that SUPERVISED visits remain in tact and GUESS WHAT? The lovely appointed judge 'over ruled' the states recommendation and gave this woman UNSUPERVISED visits.

I just do NOT understand our court system what so ever! I'm so angry at them because they are NOT doing what's in this child's BEST interest I think they are only thinking of the OLE mighty dollar.

Oh yes, not only did they give her unspuervised visits, without justification that reprimanded the social worker and barked at him in court saying that the social worker was holding up the reunification process, what the HELL!? This worker has done everything they were supposed to do, helped her get a place, furniture, things she needed and so on and so forth with the exception of going to her house and forcing her to call when she was too lazy to do it during those 3 months!

THEN, today, it was the first UNsupervised visit and guess what!? I go to get the child out of the car and the child wasn't even strapped in the car! I see that as child endangerment! It's a 40 minute drive there and back and the child wasn't even strapped in the car, he could have been seriously injured or heaven forbid killed if that car had been struck and a door flew open or the accident was worse and the car seat went flying around and there was not only client X (mom) there another GROWN adult was there as well!

Am I flipping out for no reason!? I'm SO livid and angry at the judgement in the first place and then this?

I am trying very hard to see this with open eyes and with the understanding that the first matter of business is 'reunification', and yes I will not cloak my wanted intentions of adopting this child, but it's not that at all of why I'm so mad! I was upset yes when my adopted son's 1/2 brother was taken after 7 months but I was 'ok' with it because his father seemed responsible and fought for his son. I was ok because I knew he'd be taken care of and etc. THIS situation I am I truly 100% believe with child Y, (now) is WRONG... Just wrong.

Sorry for such a long letter but I've been crying for 3-4 days and then the deal with today and the no selt belt thing and I am reaching out to you for some thoughts. I NEVER do this, I'm actually a counselor to drug addicts, so I know people can change and get better and I know all about the things I should be thinking, but this situation I think is just plain wrong!

*sigh* I'm sitting here in tears does someone have any words or thoughts about this?

Thanks,
MoFosterMom

[minmattskedat]

Wow. I am really feeling for you right now. I think one of the best things you can do is to stay calm, and be diligent in reporting all these things. Especially the seatbelt thing. I know in some states, you can call the police and give a license plate number, and report your findings. In Nebraska and Iowa, they will ticket that person sometimes just by having someone report it. Also, even thought you may feel like no one wants to help you, keep reporting to the caseworker, and anyone else you come into contact with. My husband and I are being trained for fost/adopt and my husband works for a Foster care agency. We were reminded today that sometimes the judges seem to be making terrible "judgement" calls, but they are working with limited information. We had an actual judge tell us that sometimes he just doesn't have the info. So be diligent in documenting all that you see. And keep up on the caseworker. Make sure he or she is giving the judge all the information. Good luck and keep pitching a fit about not wanting to put the baby in danger. Keep standing up for him.

[tybeemarie]

What a terrible situation. I am sorry you are suffering so. I am continually amazed by the differences among various state child welfare systems. In Illinois, this mother would have a VERY hard time getting her child back under the circumstances you describe. We did a nationwide search for waiting children, and I was really dumbfounded by the child study of one sibling group we looked at in Missouri. The parent had been reunified numerous times, each time the children were exposed to more and worse abuse. Poor baby! I recommend documenting everything, going to all court dates and clinical staffings, and keeping in close contact with your worker. I'll say a prayer for you and your baby. Hang in there! This baby needs you.

[yanknrebel]

I agree wholeheartedly that the judge is only operating on the reports that are given to him/her. It is up to the caseworker as well as the fostercare review baord to read ALL the information and send their report and recommendations to the judge. IF the cw is not taking ACCURATE notes, and NOT passing them onto the Fostercare review baord, then the Judge will NOT get the whole story. My advise to you is to DOCUMENT EVERYTHING you see, or witness. Go to each and every FCRB, and hearing. Your right as a foster care parent is to give the judge your information and to add anything you want to add before he makes dicisions. If you have NOT had this opportunity, make sure you tell the CW that you have something to say. It IS your right!!! Our fd (who we have recently adopted) had a very nice, genteel male cw. He was a very NICE man. My daughter loved him and I liked him alot as well. HOWEVER, he was very unconfrontational. WHen we had the FCRB meetings, he would NEVER mention that the bps were NOT going to counseling as they were ordered to do. He would NEVER mention that he had letters signed and documentation from the physcologist that they were SUPPOSEd to be seeing for Alcoholism, that they had only attened 1 meeting in a 6 month period. He didn't want to make the bps mad. SO therfore most of the time the FCRB only heard the good things the BPs were doing. In my case they were attending visitation regularly. Whoopee!! The first few FCRB meeting we had (this case lasted for almost 3 years) I kept my mouth shut, not wanting to sound like I wanted to "take this child from the bps and halt reunification". After a few times, I finally got fed up. At the tiime when I was asked If I (as a foster parent of this child) had anything to add, I would open up my spiral notebook and read them EVERYTHING I had witnessed or heard myself. The board really appreciated this. Several times they asked to make copies of my notes. I agreed. Now these notes NEVER gave my opinion, just facts. WHen did they visit, who all came, how long was the vists, how long did they stay. did they leave, early, what was the excuse they gave. Then later , when the bf was ordered to "make a significant break from the biomom and supervised visits with biomom were ceased", I would catch them together. They had been living together, and had told the judge they were no longer together. I would see them in the same car all hours of the day and night (we live in same small town). Even the cw went by one morning to the biomom's to have her sign papers, before she had to go to work. He caught the biodad leaving her house . This was 7 am . They had friends who lived on the same cove as my parents. I would have to pass this house when leaving or going to my parents house. They would be there together all hours and all days. Yet they were having NO CONTACT. ANyway, my point is, DOn't rely on the cw to do everything that is needed. If you SEE or hear something, document it. DOn't make things up. If it's there, just document it. Tell the judge and the FCRB , all that you know and all that you have seen. This WILL inform the judge. We, the fps are the oNLY ones who are with these children 24/7. These cws have so many cases as do the judges. I feel it is MY job to be the MAIN advocate for my foster child's future. If I give ALL the info and knowledge I have and the judge is well informed and makes a decision, then I have to abide by that decision. In the same form, if I see the bio parents really doing well, I document that as well. If my fc , will be going back home and the home and bp is doing all he/she needs to do and has LEARNED how to parent or is working on those problems and I do not feel the fc is in any danger, then I will assist that child in returning. Because ultimately while that fc may love me, my hubby and our children, they would ALWAYS prefer to be home with their bio family. That is their right.

SO just document and speak up !!! hope this helps.

Mary