[marsha4]

All,
A dear friend of mine had a foster child for 9 of her 14 months. This baby passed away, from medical problems, nothing abusive or sinister. These problems were only recently discovered in the last month or two. The child had been sick with breathing problems and other problems, but no one linked it to a heart defect until recently. Obviously, the foster mother is distraught, the mother is distraught, etc. Here, as I'm sure in many other states, the bio mother has the say on where, when and how the child is buried. Therefore, the foster mother who's had the child and cared for her all these months, does not get to bury the child close to her hometown, but the child is being buried nearly two hours away. If the bio mother had not come up with the money for the burial, CPS would have paid for a "bare bones" funeral and buried the baby in the paupers cemetary in town. As sad as this whole thing is, it is made worse by the bio grandparents griping about the foster family, and refusing to pass on any information about the funeral arrangements to the foster family. If any of you ever question why it pays to have a good relationship with the bio family, this is a reminder. It also serves as a reminder that no matter how much we love these little ones in our care, until they are legally ours, we have very little say in the decision making. When you adopt, at least you have the right to make these decisions. Please pray for this family and the foster family to heal and get through these next few weeks and months, and pray that some peace will settle over them. Love the little ones you have in your homes, you never know what tomorrow brings.

[Lisa3NY]

Marsha,
They will be in my prayers. What a horrible situation.

[Jensboys]

Our boys foster mom had a baby die while in her care as a result of cocaine exposure (heart defect, baby died in his sleep). In this situation the bmom was also quite hateful towards the fmom (who had had the baby since birth) and the fmom didnt feel comfortable attending the family funeral.

What they did, is the pastor of a friend of theirs held a memorial service for the foster family and friends (swers attended that service as well) for those who had actually known and cared for the baby. The birthfamily had their own separate service.

Is that an option for her? A memorial service of some sort?

Jen

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

How sad for everyone involved. I am deeply touched by this post as I will, more than likely, be facing the death of my foster child that I will be adopting.

When the doctor told me that Charlie would pass away I contacted his social worker and she told me that if we would preplan his funeral the state would pay for more than a pauper's funeral. There would have been no way in he** he would be buried that way, I'd have paid for it all myself.

I agree with Jen about the memorial service. We had Charlie baptized last summer. I invited his parents (their rights are not terminated yet but they gave permission for us to baptize him) but they didn't show. The only people that attended were my family, my friends/neighbors who were his godparents and 3 people from DCS. Honestly, that's all the people that were important in his life. I don't mean that as a dig against his family, I mean it sincerely, these are the people that have been there to support us through the nightmare of finding out he is not expected to live long.

I'm sorry your friend lost a child she loves. I will pray that God gives her and her family the strength to get through this.

Michelle

[Kate1129]

Praying for the families!!!

[marsha4]

Actually, she is doing that. The bio family is very hurtful to them right now, despite the foster mom picking the bio mother up and transporting her to the hospital (bio mom had no transportation) and sitting vigil with the child for a week in PICU. Foster mother is making a slideshow of all the pictures they have of the baby, and making a copy for the bio mom. Bio mom has very little pictures because she didn't have the child in her possession for very long.

[jolean12]

Sending prayers to the foster family and the birth family. How amazing of your friend to look past peoples reaction to her and still make a slide show for the babies **.

[mrsfrosty]

My family and I will be praying for this family as well as all the families facing losing a child it is such a sad thing.

Dee Dee

[ChgoFAMom]

They are ALL in our prayers