[leaabc123]

Hi all,
Sorry I have not been on much lately. We have been busy.
The last court hearing was today and D was sent to his relative's home. This is the same relative who refused visits and custody for 5 months.
Had the Sw sent someone to check during this past weekend's homevisit. I have a strong suspicion that he would not have been there. But no way to prove it so he is gone and likely to be passed from relative to relative again.
Next week, it would have been 7 months and he would have been 11 months old.

Thanks all who provided words of support and guidance. We never expected to get this attached. It didn't help that he resembled my partner and was just a good little guy (most of the time).

In fact, his SW said that if he had a different temperment, than the family probably would not have pursued custody.

We are not sure if we will accept anymore placements from foster care or not. This has been very rough.

[yanknrebel]

I am so sorry for your loss.. The part I find hard to beleive is that these cw that know the history of these bio families , DO NOT go by and make unscheduled visits to check on the child. They seem to "drop" the children once they are returned home.

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

Hi {{{Lea}}} I'm sorry you're feeling so bad right now. I will pray that the sw'ers keep an eye on him and that he is kept safe.

Michelle

[LdyK513]

Hi Lea- Trust me I can totally understand how you feel. Let me give you a brief history. Our 1st FD arrived on 1/5, she was due to leave the last week of January. Her Aunt who is supposedly interested in taking care of her while mom "recovers" failed to mention she was leaving on vacation a few days after placement. Then she was due to be sent home yesterday (2/14) but her law guardian felt the aunt was not fit & ordered a FULL SCALE INVESTIGATION. So, now she will most likely go home the end of the week.

Not to sound like I'm siding with Child Services, but the problem is that they're grossly understaffed, at least here in NJ & it's the children that suffer. They are the ones that need to be watched after when they go home & that's not always the case.

All I can say is this; letting them go hurts so bad. I've learned with the support of people from this website that the pain is normal, we're only human. It's the worst feeling, but when my FD leaves I'll grieve & do this all over again. There are too many little ones that need our love. I hope that you'll reconsider and know that you'll be in my prayers.

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

I had meant to write in my last post to not give up on fostering. I understand the pain you are feeling and, to be honest, I don't know if it gets easier with each child that leaves or not. But I do know that there is a HUGE need for foster parents to love and protect these kids until they can be safely returned home or placed with a family member.

If you weren't upset about him leaving then I would agree it's time to stop. Being a foster parent is a very difficult role and sometimes thankless. Just know that you have made a huge difference in this little boy's life. If you've done nothing else for him you taught him how to bond and attach. That is a gift he will have for a life time.

Michelle

[wwcpl]

You know I know God puts us all here to do this for these kids for a reason. I just found out today that our kids get there first visit w/ mom and some friends and family. It will be supervised and this is the first placement we have had so this is all so new to us. I have so many mixed feelings. Should I talk to bmom or just hand them to the case worker and leave. bmom and step dad was indited for abuse but that don't mean anything these days I don't think. The young one is very attached to us and I'm not sure how he will react. The suspence is driving me crazy. Because I know we will probaly be in the same shoes one day and trying not to get so attached to these kids is almost impossiable. I pray every night for God to give us strength and guide us. I will be praying for you also. I don't think giving up is the answer though. I know it hurts because I can already see myself when and if ours go home and it's only been less than a month. I just have to keep in mind that these kids don't ask for this and if we are not there to love them then who will.

God Bless and Good Luck!

[KidsFirst]

Lea,

You will be in our prays as well as D...

The decision to foster or not to foster again isn't one that needs to be made tonight... or tomorrow... or even a week from now.

Give yourself time to grieve... and recover before you make a dicision. Maybe all you need is a brief break to mend your heart...

Angie

[tlc4kidz]

Lea,
You must be emotionally exhausted.....you'll be in my prayers as well. I agree with others and I suspect from your big heart that given time to heal you will be up for the challenges and rewards of loving another child in need.

[msheartofgold]

My heart hurts deeply for you and your family just be strong and please don't give up fostering because there is something else in store for you.

[BeckyTeehee]

I'm thinking and praying for your heart to heal!!!!
I can imagine how much pain your experiencing right now. That's the whole scary thing of all this!!! Don't give up though, YOUR child is coming!!!!!

Love and blessings...

[leaabc123]

Thanks all,
I guess I should elaborate a bit. We never intended to be strictly foster parents. Our intention was always to adopt. We never requested infants but got a call for one who needed an at home parent. She was sent to a kinship placement about a month later and her worker asked that we take D.
It looked like D was going to be freed because all the relatives were saying for months that they did not want custody.
We now suspect that the relative who took him was simply playing the system. She knew how much time she had and that she could change her mind. She was simply waiting until he slept through the night and was close to walking. She probably hoped that he would have cut his first teeth as well but that didn't happen.
She also had the nerve to complain about how tired she was after the weekend visits.
anyway, we are now in contact with Children awaiting parents who deal strictly with kids who are already freed for adoption. So, we'll see what happens.
We are very sad and more disillusioned than before. And, I have worked in the system but now understand more than ever why there is a constant need for foster parents. If the laws were changed to limit the time for infants and toddlers to 6 months before they could be freed, then we would have less kids growing up in the system and going through a revolving door of foster care. Then as time went on, there would be less older kids who need a home.
The placement worker called today and I had to say no, as we need at least the rest of the week to mourn and chill out. I can't say what will happen next week.
But thanks for the words and support!

[AngelGirl38]

Leaa,


My heart understands your so very well right now! We, too, went into this to adopt and last year we adopted two brothers. We closed our home for more children until a call came in last month asking that if a partial sibling came into care, would we take it. As it was a brother to our boys, we said yes.

We brought the baby home at three days old and fell in love with him. B-mom had used cocaine during her pregnancy and that is why he was taken (she did the same with our two boys as well). We had high hopes for this little baby to stay with us, but last week in court, he was sent to live with a first cousin, the same first cousin who has the boy's sister and gives the sister to the b-mom all the time. So there is no doubt that the judge landed our little baby right back into mom's arms.

I've never had to let one go before and due to the circumstances, I don't feel little "N"'s best interests were the priority. Letting him go was one of the most painful feelings I've known and though the case is still open, I'm not holding onto hope that he will be coming back.

My prayers go out to you. I know exactly where you are.

[leaabc123]

Thanks for your reply, good to know others out there understand.

[Kate1129]

I am sorry for your loss!!

We will be going down that same road soon. Our 2 are going to grandma. It's a mess and I cannot believe they are going!!!


My prayers are with you!

[susanlowman]

Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you. Good luck in the future. I am sure your child is waiting for you!