[pattilou47]

My Husband and I are thinking about becomming foster parents, We can provide a loving stable home life for needy children. Im just wondering if we can do it though, because about 4-5 years ago, we had an arguement, and it resulted in me calling the police, and now he has a 3rd degree assult charge on him, is there anyway i can reverse these charges,,,, He is not an abusive person,, It happend one time and Only one time !! He has successfully raised 3 children along with raising a step daughter (Mine) Does anyone know if we could still foster because of this,,, We really feel like we want to be a part of the foster care system and would like some info ??

[Kay-Ray1]

The first thing you need to do is get his record exspoonged. To do this you need him to go to the court and fill out papers which will go to the Distric Attoreny and he/she will decide if it should be taken off. If yes then it has to go to the start capital and come back. This takes about 6 months so you need to do it ASAP.

I worked at a 7-11 that was robbed at gun point. The cops decided that I was involved and arrested me. I took a lie dector test and passed so I was released with the charged dropped. When I got a copy of my record it was still on there. Armed Robbery (I don't know how I could have robbed myself at gun point) and False reporting of a crime, so I had to get my record exspoonged also.

Good luck to you!

[dadfor2]

have you called DSS and asked yet? see what they have to say.

dont assume that a record automatically disqualifies you, it doesnt.

of course you will have to work harder...could be written statements, got through psych evals..blah blah blah...

but first i would encourage you to call DSS and ask first about the charge. a phone call is the best place to start.

[HappyMomAnna]

Domestic violence charges are big red flags.... AND even if EVERYTHING in your life is perfect now and there is no reason to be worried on your part---The System (Police--corts--DHS) HAS SEEN this a million times and you as the victim will be seen with tainted eyes as victims usually don't know what the best choice really is....

There is a lot of Domestic violence research and there are cycles, and patterns and You will not be able to convince anyone that you are not suffering from Battered-Wife Syndrome..

The problem with even trying to have them reversed--is that nearly EVERY WIFE says the same thing..... He is NOT really Abusive! And there is a ton of research that indicates that often there are issues that come up and the couple can reunite and go on for years before the cycle swings back around and violence occurs again.

Your husband would not have a charge if he did not actually touch you in some way... They do not charge for verbal problems or threats...or arguments. They only arrest and charge when it is very clear his hands touched you in a way that was violent.... Either he admitted it or they saw evidence of it. Otherwise they would have left your home and not arrested him.

Asking for the charges to be dropped will actually make you "LOOK LIKE" a battered wife to the legal system because this is the usual way battered wives feel...

So HOW can you recover from this to a point where you might be able to be Foster Parents?

It will not be easy because the NUMBER one reason a person cannot be foster parents is to have ANY history of any abuse toward any other person.... AT ALL...

Have you had Counseling? Did your husband have to attend Anger Management classes? DID he do that and finish...?

The only real possible way to recover from this is to have SOLID counseling and PROVE that he was treated and is no longer an abusive person... Even then it could still not be enough for the STATE to consider the risk acceptable.

The state cannot risk placing hurt children in homes with ANYONE who has ever hit--kicked--or treated another person in a violent way....

One slap in anger is ABUSE. One kick in the butt while you are cooking dinner is ABUSE... The domestic abuse cycle is LONG Abusers can be good for three years and then lose it again.... My abuser made it five years from first arrest to the second slap in my face and another 3 years before he beat me half to death.

I am NOT SAYING YOUR HUSBAND is an ABUSER--I am saying that these issues come up all the time and all the other cases before you set the standards.... Prove the cycle and indicate what the warning signs and progressions are...

When we continue a relationship with someone who has been charged with Abuse then the whole world assumes we are hurt and battered and not thinking clearly enough..to know the difference anymore....Most of the time this is true! Only once in a rare while is it not--and usually when we think we are one of the lucky ones who are not abused--that our husbands really didn't mean it--that they really do love us--that this is not the way they really are--then we find out different later....

That's the problem.

The only way that it might be possible is with Therapy and a good deal of it... Then maybe DHS would review and accept the recommendation of the therapist...

You say it was just an argument--and you reacted by calling the police--now you think you over reacted.... They all say this....that is why you will not get the charges removed....

Question is what EXACTLY was it that caused the police to arrest him and Have you both been to counseling?