[LifeParent]

I swear, we take two steps foward only to fall back one and sometimes even leap back a dozen.

Recap - sexually abused for over a year when young. Came to FC a couple years later. Tested IQ 67. Sweet child but depressed big time. No social skills. Been our FD for about 7 months.

Have noticed in the last 7 months that she has missing hair and sores on her hands. Realized that she is picking and pulling.

About a week ago, found that she had pulled her hair out (a spot about 2 x 2). Other pulling has been eyelashes and eyebrows, skin picking on hands and face. This is the 6th time in as many months.

This one is bad. Big spot and when talked to FD, she said she pulled one at a time.

The good thing is that she does talk to me. It takes a bit of time but she will usually tell me things.

I have given her options, people to see at different locations when she feels the melt down but other than that, I really don't know what to do.

She says she feels frustrated but not angry. Concerned that bio daughter is not going to understand. Heck, I don't understand.

Any insite out there?

Thanks

[chiquitita]

One thing about people/kids who cut or do other self-abuse behaviours - it is because the inward pain/depression is so intense that they are trying to counteract it by re-focusing themselves on a different pain. Also, it can be an attempt to injure themselves in an obvious way to draw attention to the fact they ARE injured, and feeling pain, even though nobody can see it. Depression is like an invisible wheelchair, or an invisible sore - it hurts just as bad, but nobody can see it so it is VERY frustrating to the person who has it and everyone around them.

On another note, I had a friend when I was about 11 years old who was adopted (out of foster care I think), and she would do the eyelash and eyebrow pulling as well. She had what we now call ADHD, and was on meds. Later when she was in her teens, I know she tried to commit suicide at least once and spent time in a hospital. One thing I can tell you is that she is now married and has kids of her own and as far as I know, is doing very well. I am sure this is to the credit of her adoptive parents. Hope that gives some inspiration.

[lucyjoy]

There is a name for this condition and it is treatable but I can't think of it. A child psychiatrist should be able to diagnose her and treat her. I believe it falls under the OCD catagory but it's called something else.
If my brain remembers it, I'll post it-although someone here likely knows it. Kids with severe SID will also pick at there skin. The pulling hair is a different condition then self abuse such as cutting.

[bjolly]

the name for compulsively pulling out your hair is trichitillomania. lucyjoy is correct, this is not the same kind of thing as cutting/self mutilation. It's related to OCD and I believe it responds well to certain medications. the skin picking is probably related.

[lucyjoy]

See, I knew some smart person would remember the name!!

[roxanna425]

take her to the pediatrician. they can give you a referral to a psychologist.

[mallory4]

I have a girl who hair pulled. She does not have OCD or ADHD, but is a very sensitive person with some anxiety and sensory issues. When I discovered the bald spot (she has lots of curly hair and it wasn't immediately noticable), she reported that she always did it while in bed at night, which fits with her pattern of having a hard time winding down and stopping herself from mulling over whatever is stressing her.

We addressed this by teaching her about stress, talking her through other strategies for dealing with it at bedtime (e.g. writing or drawing about it in a journal; traveling in her imagination to a calm, beautiful place; picturing herself handling well whatever situation was causing her anxiety, etc.) There are many suggestions for helping kids deal with stress available in books about anxiety in kids.

This advice seems to have helped, we have not had a recurrence, although some of her daytime anxiety-related behaviors persist. It sounds like your girl has had a rougher start in life than ours, and every person is different, so it may not be resolved so easily, but I wanted to tell you what we did in case it helps. I hope you have access to professional help for her, and that she finds relief. Peace, Mal

[Perfect_Mother2]

Wow you are busy.
I would suggest maybe trying a therapist for her. Picking and pulling, she needs professional help. In Dallas CPS will pay for counseling for foster children, will they pay for counseling in your state?

[number2mom]

My fosterdaughter after coming into care would pick her skin and pull her hair out. She would do this as a nervous behavior. We took her to a Dermatologist and she was diagnosised with Trichotillamania. Gradually with stability and nurturing care theses behaviors decreased. Later she was seen by a Psychologist he said that with true Trichotillamania the person will pull out their hair and eat it. He thought that our daughters pulling was due to stress/anxiety and called it a behavior. She too did this mostly at night and sometimes seemed unaware of doing it. We were told to ignore it, not to bring a lot of attention to it.