[roomformore]

I was wondering if I can have my foster daughters hair cut? It is long and gets really snarled and would be so much easier to maintain in a chin or shoulder length bob. Has anyone else done this? If this is allowed I dont want the parents to be mad but I am the one caring for her and am tired of the whining.

[Jensboys]

Simple answer is No. In most jurisdiction, permission from social worker or parents is required.

[roomformore]

Is it allowed to trim the bangs? It just seems like the parents should have lost their say. I mean it is not like getting surgery. It is just hair. They were not responsible enough to be the ones taking care of her so I personally dont think they should be consulted. I am just peaved at these irresponsible parents that treat the kids like crap and the state bends over backwards for them. It isnt the parents cleaning up vomit and listening to crying because she gets bad snarls in her too long hair.

[Jensboys]

I know how frustrating it can be. Simple answer would be to call the social worker and ask or to ask mom on the next visit if you could.

Or if you do a search in the forums a year or so ago there was some threads about cutting foster children's hair and how some foster parents sort of "bent" the rules.

[SashaSue]

I was told by my placement worker that you had to get permission before cutting hair, which I think is a crock! If we are their "parents" for the time being then we should be able to cut their hair if it needs it. The only reason for not allowing fp to do so would be in the case of religious reasons, I know of one religion (but can't think of the name) that don't cut their hair (at least the women don't)...

But I think fp should be allowed to take care of the child properly since we are the parents while the children are in our care.

[Awaiting]

I agree with you Sasha. But the sad true is that we are not in control of them. The state is and we just provide EVERYTHING they need. It sucks, but it's a part of the "system".

[KelleyF]

It never even crossed my mind to ask permission to get a haircut for the kids. As a matter of fact, I have already taken them for 2 haircuts (without asking) and nothing was said to me when the visits came and went.
I'm not going to say anything unless something is said to me.LOL

[roomformore]

I would just do it but this is going to be quite a haircut. It is almost to her butt and I want it shoulder length or slightly above. I had my daughters hair that way and it was so easy to maintain and cute.

[sfbaymom2000]

Especially if you are hoping to adopt this child (even if you are not), I would absolutely get permission for such a drastic cut. You don't want to lose her for not following rules, or even get on the SW's bad side. Just explain your reasons. Not many people would want to deal with hair that long...shoulder length is hard enough! In our case one SW was explaining that we needed permission from the child's SW to get her hair cut, who then said, "Please get her hair trimmed...I am giving you pemission now."

[DianeS]

One of the stupidest rules that DCS has, that almost every state has, is "NO HAIRCUTS WITHOUT BIO PARENT PERMISSION!!!"

If it is already done, the state will usually wait and see if the parents squawk. No squawk, the state won't say anything. But if there is a squawk, you're in trouble. All the parents have to do is say the hair was long (or uncut) because of cultural reasons, religious beliefs, ethnic preferences, etc, and the agency will back them, not you.

Yes, it's stupid. Yes, it's easier for the child in foster care to have surgery or change schools or move out of state than it is for the child to have a haircut.

The fact of it is she isn't legally your child. You cannot make this decision for her. You don't want to deal with long hair, but you probably didn't want to deal with bad behavior, malnutrition, infant drug addiction, or any of the other things that foster children come with. You can request no long hair in the future if it's a big deal. But at the moment you're stuck with it unless your social worker says otherwise. It's one of the stupidest rules on the planet, but it does indeed exist in most states. *Especially* when what you want to do is change the length and style, not just give it a quarter-inch trim.

Now, there are tons of things you can do that will make caring for long hair easier. Using extra conditioner (like a quarter of a cup, none of this dime-sized bull the bottle will tell you), using leave-in conditioner, putting the hair in a braid before she sleeps, keeping it braided until it's time to style it and there's a reason to leave it down afterward, washing it only once a week, etc. Post it as a separate question if you want more hints or don't understand why these would help.

Good luck!

[pugsooie]

In your situation since you are cutting a significant length off of it I would ask. I don't ask if I am only cutting a few inches off, but if it is a little girl with significantly long hair and she will look different then I would say yes.

I know that I am no role model, but I never ask. I usually ask after the fact or explain to them why the hair was cut i.e. lice, knots, etc. I have cut 5 of my foster children's hair and only 1 parent complained. Their caseworker just said "Oh they will get over it". She said "Next time call me and I will give you the go ahead". Usually I think the caseworkers will approve it and then take the heat. I wouln't cut their hair if I thought it was going to cause major controversy and conflict, but so far I haven't had any problems.

[roomformore]

I am a trained beautician by trade and could do it myself but probably wont. I will ask their worker for permission. I have this thing about good hair and bad hair anyway. I feel like if you dont have good hair that you should not have long hair-meaning if your hair looks bad long you should have shorter hair. I have what I call "bad" hair. I compare it to cat fur-lol. Lots of it but very fine and straight and too fine in my opinion to ever wear long because it would just look stringy. I just feel like you should wear you hair in a style suited to your hair. And my foster daughters hair tends to get stringy and would be far easier/less painful for her in the mornings to do. It is actually mid back now and not near her waist like I thought and I think a just above the shoulder bob would be great. Her older sis has "nicer" hair and hers is just fine long. I of course do not tell her I think she has "bad" hair just that it would hurt less to have it shorter. She seems okay with the idea but I will run it by the worker. Their Dad raised them for the last 4 years and he probably just let it go-I mean he would not even take them to the free clinic when they were sick! I like the above post about chewing gum. I would be my luck she would get it at scalp level though. LOL

[garry970]

Hi, roomformore

This is garry970 (the one from the same agency as you)

Congratulations, on your placement!!

I now have an 11yo boy, but he is only supposed to be with me for 1 month. He is being adopted, along with his 4 sibs, in Febuary by his Godmother.

Anyway, the haircut issue came up when I was in training class last year. I don't take girls anyway, so I thought I was in the clear. Usally boys have short hair. I am African American, and nowadays, AA boys have the braids, and I found out that if I got a boy with braids, I would have to maintain his hair as if he was a girl, if the bio parent doesn't want it cut.

So far, I haven't had any boys with braids, but I'm expecting to have one in the future.

The 2 boys I had last year, their bio mom WANTED them to get a haircut (they didn't have braids though, they just needed a haircut). In fact, after their 2nd visit with bio mom, the caseworker said that the bio mom was upset b/c their hair wasn't cut yet. It was just like she still had custody of them, but I knew the rules.

I had their hair cut the next day.

The boy I have now came with a haircut, and the caseworker/therapist said that it is OK to continue getting him a haircut.

garry970

[chiquitita]

Reading your post and thinking of when I was a kid and my mom combing my long hair - was so frustrating. The best thing you can do is to hold it at the top of the hair and comb the bottom part so that you aren't pulling the root. Also, use one of those extra wide combs - you wouldn't think they would get the snarls out, but they do. Also, like somone else said, use extra conditioner and get some of that spray "no more tangles, no more tears" stuff that Johnson and Johnson makes - I still use it to this day. This stuff might sound obvious but my mom never seemed to catch on to the "hold the hair at the top" thing so I figured I might as well suggest it.

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

I'm sure if you asked you would be given permission to have her hair cut.

Having said that, however, I wanted to tell you the story of our fd's sister. She is living with relatives and had long, BEAUTIFUL, red curly hair. Immediately after being placed with the relatives they cut her hair SEVERELY short (I'm talking about an inch maybe 2 long!) This person just didn't want to deal with it, it had nothing to do with what B wanted. My fd's sister was 8 at the time. She is now 10 and I have met her and she is absolutely heartbroken that this relative did that to her as is their mom.

I can't remember the length you said your fd's hair is now, however, I'd like to recommend just cutting a few inches to begin with, then slowly take it up if you still have problems with it. Also, ask your fd what she wants. She may want it cut to the shoulder or even above.

Michelle