[lori_t66]

Hi,
I've posted here before and just had a question. I have my neices and nephews living with me all 6 and under. i had a situation where mom and dad accused me of telling one of the children they were never going home. They said the oldest told them this. When they said this to me, it wasn't in a very nice voice. I requested to ask the child and mom didn't want to drag him in but I did anyway and he admited that I never said this. But mom said that he looked like he was scared.
Anyway, I didn't say that and would never say such a thing to break any childs heart. It looks like mom and dad are going after me and making up lies.
I called the new case worker and she is going to see if we can avoid contact with these supervised visits they have. She seems to think that this is them just being dramatic. My question to everyone invovled is, Whats next?
Are they gonna continue to try to hassle me and my family by making up lies? Is this usual behavior?
I was told that if the children had not come to live with my family that they would have been spread out. Don't they think of this when they are acting so ugly? I tried to tell them that there was no need to get nasty that if there was a concern, they could just ask me or the case worker. But mom just made a treat saying that the kids are telling her things and she was going to be watching every move i make. And there is a issue of the kids calling me mommy. i tell them(the kids) every time that they have a mom, but the younger ones insist on calling me this. this has made a sore spot too.
Has this ever happened to anyone here and how did you guys deal with this. Oh, mom and dad both talked to case worker about this and something else before but mom decides case worker isn't doing her job and has to corner me any time she gets mad.
Let me know. ANy information is greatly appreciated!
Thanks,
L

[KelleyF]

Hi Lori,

Just wondering, how are you related to the parents of the kids? I have heard fostering for relatives can be extremely difficult. Not because of the kids, but dealing with family that tries to take full advantage. Are you the supervisor of the visits?

[lori_t66]

No, I'm not supervisor. They have supervised visits at OCS. I am the kids Aunt by marriage. Seems like the parents have blamed everyone but my family about their problms. Looks like it's our turn or mine...lol

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

Lori,

How does their mom contact you? If it's by phone and you haven't done so, sign up for caller ID then don't answer the phone when she calls. You have to take them for visits if the judge ordered them or social services; however, to my knowledge, you do not have to speak to them on the phone. If you're doing it out of kindness, maybe you need to rethink it.

If these parents have blamed the rest of the family for their problems then, yes, it's your turn LOL. I am sure that if there is any type of file on them children's services knows that this is their MO.

I've never done a relative foster placement so I can't really speak to that, however, I'm sure it's even more difficult than taking in a child you don't have a connection with. As for the little ones calling you mom, all kids want to feel "normal." Our kids usually live with us, to me it's natural that they'd call you that. Doesn't sound like they're very attached to their parents.

Best of luck.

Michelle

[lori_t66]

Thanks for the reply. I don't talk to mom and dad on the phone. I usually don't talk when I drop the kids off and pick them up. Mom just feels like she can basically corner me and go above the case worker and CASA and do the job her self. We do have a new case worker and she told me she gave mom and dad a written notice that if they had any problems that they should talk to her and let her and she would relay the message. I was sure the other case worker did that too. I think she just told them not wrote it in letter form. Anyway, I have requested that I not be placed in another situation for either mom or dad to be able to do this again. i was told that they(case worker) would do the best that she can. they were under staffed and spread very thin but if mom or dad did this again that i should call the cops and then tell her. i explained to her that I knew it was almost impossiable not to have some form of contact with the parents but i wish they would make them wait in the front hall ( their visits are at OCS) so I could bring the kids inside. This way i would never have to be alone around either parent. I know mom has been violent with family members including atacking me several years back and thought my small request of the waiting room was not asking for much. Case worker never agreed to anything but after I repeated myself and was persistant, she said she would try her best.
Am I crazy to think that there should be a little more steps done other than a letter? Isn't supervised visits suppost to start when the children get there? Is supervised visits when the case worker stays in the room or outside the window? I'm so new at this stuff and have so many questions. Gosh, it looks like I'm gonna have to learn as I go. You guys have any ideasor answers?
Thanks,
L

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

Supervised visits here are the family in the visitation room; the worker in the observation room video taping the visit.

Did you explain to the worker that this person attacked you a while back? I know before you had the kids but it still shows they're violent. I'd think that, knowing that information, the worker would do more to keep you safe. I'm not really sure what you can do to avoid running into the parents outside the office for visits, maybe show up extra early and already be inside??? Some offices have security guards, does yours? Ours moved last year and did away with their guards. You could also ask the worker to meet you outside when you get there. You could possibly call her when you're five minutes away? That way if the parents are waiting you wouldn't be alone with them.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I wish I had more suggestions for you. If these people know where you live be sure to have safety precautions in place there. If they don't have access to you at the children's services office they may then try to reach you at home.

Michelle

[lori_t66]

thanks so much. You know, the last worker was hardly ever in that room watching through the window. I did express my concerns but was basically push aside. These kids have suffered so much. They have so many problems after the visits. When CASA was there and mom knew that they were watching, the kids were not as roudy afterwards. I have one sho throws fits but after words the fits were really bad. Makes me wonder if mom has said things to the kids when she knew case worker wasn't watching....hmmmm
We do have a new worker so keep your fingers and toes crossed that she will atleast try to do better. CASA said that they would do their best to be there to watch. It's really hard on CASA becuse they all have jobs.....Crazy huh!
Oh, I know what I wanted to ask you.... Is it up to the judge or the case worker to give more visits? The parents only have two hour a week and has been this way since the beginning of all of this. We are going back in March because Mom wanted to and the judge said okay He said that only if she believes she will do a great turn around in three months. We have had the kids since July last year. But I was thinking....if the visits are up to the case worker, then they should be having more if they are doing what they are doing the case plan. What do you think?
Thanks again,
L