[Elissa1111]

Hello all!
I just had a thought and I am feeling a little lonely tonight. My 2 foster kids left and this is my first night with only two out of the 4 kids, we got all of them( 3 month old, 14 girl, 9 girl and 4 week old ) within 7 weeks. That was over 7 months ago. My husband is at work and I just needed to talk. I had the sister for 7 months and from day one have know they were going back. Which is the point of foster care in the first place. They were good kids for the most part only got real bad when they know it was getting close to going home. Normal I assume. Back to my thought. Why is their not much worry about the foster parents?? We are more than happy to take these kids in and make them a part of the family 100% and we do. Then you get a call saying ok the kids are going back get them ready we'll be over in a little bit. I mean that it was about 40 minutes. I have been telling mysefl to get ready for this and yet I'm not but I am. I don't know if any of this is coming out right. I just wish someone would ask something. I don't know what just are you ok. Our family didn't even have a second to say bye. It is very strange the system that is. I loved having the girls and I am so happy they got what they wanted for Christmas.

Thanks for listening
Elissa
foster/adopt 11 month old
foster 7 month old

[tlc4kidz]

((((hugs))))
Don't know what to say except you are one awesome foster parent and it sounds like any child would be very blessed to have you in their life for however long they are meant to be there. Enjoy the reprieve before the phone rings again!

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

Hi,

I just attended a meeting last Sat. on How to Retain Foster Parents and this was an issue that we raised. We explained that, although we know the goal in foster care is always reunification, we bond with these kids and need support when they go home. My feeling is that social services looks at it like, you knew they weren't staying rather than you suffered a loss when the kids left.

We are hoping that voicing our opinions at this meeting will help make DCS more aware of our losses too.

I'm sorry that you are going through this. I understand what it's like to rejoice the children being reunified while suffering these emotions at the same time. IMHO, if you weren't going through these emotions you wouldn't be the great foster parent you are. The day I stop grieving the loss of these kids is the day I will stop being a foster parent.

Best of luck to you.

Michelle

[susanlowman]

I am sorry that you are feeling unappreciated....It just stinks that you didn't even have a minute to say GOODBYE!! Social Services should give ALL foster parents at least 5 minutes to tell the children GOODBYE.....I will be thinking of you.

[pugsooie]

I am so sorry. This same thing has happened to me three times.

Once they called to take the girls and gave me 30 minutes!!! My husband didn't even get to say goodbye to them.

Another one they called and told me they were picking her up from daycare!! Noone got to say anything to her.

And my most recent one we had for 10 months! and after his court hearing they took him. My husband and I had to say goodbye at the courthouse. It is very hard and I personally don't think it is fair.

How can you not get attached to these children? I personally feel they should give you 24 hours to pack them up and give them a happy goodbye. Moving them that quickly isn't easy on anyone, not even them.

Hang in there....

[leaabc123]

I agree. I think 24 hours is more than fair. Afterall, kids need time to process, as well as us. Plus, they accumulate all kinds of stuff and it takes time to get everything packed up.

[Elissa1111]

Thank you all for the support. I think it would be nice to have at least some time to say bye. I know the system is not perfect I just think a little change in how they do things would be nice. Then again when we get the calls for our kids I've had less than 5 minutes to figure out if we want to take that child or not. Why should it be different when they leave?? I wonder at times what the SW's think about us. I know thier are some foster homes that are not that great but most of the people I have met are and they just want to love a child that need someone. I think that if foster parents were just a little batter taken care of that more people would want to do it. I have friends that were thinking about becoming foster parents before we got into it and now that they have seen what we have gone thru and don't think that they can do it now. I am sure many people are not cut out for this, sometimes I don't think I can handle it if one more leaves but I love doing it and feeling that I can make someone feel wanted and loved.

On another note I have to say it has been nice to spend the extra time with my babies. I know my husbad has felt better, he felt so pulled and that he wasn't giving his best to all the kids. I think it will be a while before we take more on right now. Knowing me I'll get a call and want to take more. Most of the people I know that only had one child at a time don't understand how we can take in that many with only a little notice but I think I would be bored with just one at a time. I need a little choas in my life. Thank you all again.

Elissa
foster/adopt 11 month old
foster 7 month old