[sfbaymom2000]

Just wanted some opinions on this. We have just been matched with a three year-old girl, M. and will meet her tomorrow. Without going into the details, she is now at an emergency placement after leaving the foster home she was at (and had bonded with the foster family).

If we were transitioning from the prior foster home, I would definitely want to do it fairly gradually. However, since she has only been at this new home a couple of days, I am wondering if it needs to be so gradual. She had previously been at this foster home for a few weeks. The problem is that SW's and former FM think the current FM will not be supportive and helpful in the transition - she'd like to keep M., I guess.

I am going to discuss this more w/ our SW. We are thinking that if this person makes it difficult during visits, we should speed up the process and maybe only do two or three. I have read that it is very important (for the child) that the FP's in the prior home are supportive and essentially give their blessing. Obviously, I want it to be the least traumatic for M. as possible. What do you all think?

Thanks!

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

Hi,

I think the social worker needs to let this fm know that this is what is happening and she MUST be supportive with transitioning M to your home! If she doesn't cooperate, I'd move M home ASAP. Children (even at 3) can FEEL tension and these kids don't need any more tension in their little lives!

If she's been in this home before, there must be a reason they weren't asked if they want to adopt her. I'd find out why if they'll tell you.

Good luck.

Michelle

[bumpkin]

I agree with the previous poster.

Congratulations, by the way ! how exciting for you!

In our situation, our twins were in different foster homes. Both fm wanted to keep them initially, one decided that she couldn't keep both and wanted the transition tohappen ASAP ( a week), for her own sanity. The other wanted the twins and was bitterly disappointed in the departments decision not to allow it. We were very concerned about this fm, as she wanted a 4 week transition for a 6 month old. I talked at great length with our worker about it and she just advised me that if it got "sticky" in any way, she would pull the child immediately (set my mind at ease). She set the tone for the visits and gave them both the schedule. Our sw (not the babies) was sure to tell us to not give her (the fm) any reason to want to lengthen the visits,,,,, ie... be confrotational with her, question her authority etc... as our daughter was on an apnea monitor initially and our sw was concerned that if she expressed anyconcerns about us and our ability to handle the monitor or anything else, that the babies sw might delay the transition - just to be on the safe side.

As it turned out she was fine, and they transitioned in 10 days. She ended up being lovely, just wanted to make sure that we could handle her medical needs and most importantly to her, she wanted to be sure that N. could be comforted by us - she worried that she would feel we were strangers. I was most scared of this fm, but as it turned out - she was perfect.

I wouldn't think the transition would need to be long if she's only been in the home a few days! that just seems plain silly. our babies were taken home from the hospital by the fm's - so it was very hard on them.

Again, congratulations!!!! a little girl.

Bumpkin

[sfbaymom2000]

Thanks for the advice. What you mentioned, L-A-J-C-R-C, is exactly wha I am afraid of. I don't want M. to sense any tension. I told DH that no matter what FM does, we need to be positive, polite, and enthusiastic when dealing with her, for M's sake. Hopefully all will go well and I am worrying for nothing!

Thanks!

[tlc4kidz]

I think you will know after the first visit or two how things should proceed. I would hope that this fm would have enough love for this child that she wouldn't sabatoge your relationship......maybe she just needs a little reassurance, too. Are you planning on having them to your home as well as you visiting there? I've heard that it is helpful for the child in seeing that your home is a safe place.

It is so exciting to be getting her at Christmas, but I've also heard that it can be a stressful time for a child to transition because routines can't always be followed and the home looks different with decorations, etc. Probably someone out there could help you more with that than I can, but I would think maybe just having an area like her bedroom that will stay constant for her might help.

I REALLY am SO happy for you......you will give lots of people thinking of giving up a reason to hang in there