[lori_t66]

I guess I just wanted to know if there is anyone out there that feels like I do. We have been fostering our 2 neices and 2 nephews 5, 4, 3 and 2. The kids are really tough to handle but we are seeing some changes. The really hard part I guess is the fact that we know so much about the mom and dad. They are very irresponsable people and really never cared about the kids in the first place. They were living with grandma most of the time. Were shuffled around back and forth because mom and dad only cared about partying. Mom and dad have had a history of violence and neglect. They(mom and dad) have basically taken and taken from family members to the point where there is no more to give. Especially my father inlaw. He has this old trailer they keep trying to homestead in and there is no central heat or air. The plumbing is messed up ect. They have told case worker that it's theirs and are trying to fix it up for the kids. I told the case worker twice that these things were wrong and saw nothing even said or done or a flicker of concern. These are things that are not seen by the eye but need to be addressed. Insurance on their vehicle, other people liveing in the home ect. I could go on and on. We finnaly had to write a letter of our concerns and now everyone is scrambling. Mom and Dad are still not holding down jobs. Both have had 4 jobs in the past 4 months. Their bills are behind. I don't see a change. But I don't really see a real care when it comes to the case worker. I might be wrong but I honestly feel like she just wants this thing off her back. I would go into more detail but it would be far too long. I got Casa involved with the letter thingy about the trailer and I think thats why there is some reaction with Dad (wanting permision to live ect) in the home. He wants Father in law to sign the trailer to them. There are some other results that I have had about other things with the case worker through Casa. I just feel so fustrated about having to draw up this letter and not knowing if I should tell the case worker of the unstable life Mom and Dad are living (partying,gambling ect.). I am so scared for these kids. I worry so much about them. I just feel that if this case worker has given me the run around and has made me get casa involved then can she just try to scoot things under the rug and make the picture of mom and dad rosie so the kids will go back sooner. Even if it's still not good. .......This is my first time fostering and I don't know so much. there is so much to learn. maybe I'm just being too over protective. Has anyone out there ever felt like this? Is there anyone to give me advise as to what I am to do or not to do? Any advice would be so much appreciated. Even if you think that I'm wrong about anything, please let me know. I just don't want to look like I'm trying to sabotage the kids going home.
Thanks,
L
P.S.
Sorry for the typo's. It's been a long day!

[busqueen]

I have learned from this board go a long way. I commend you for tackling such a huge journey. You will truly be blessed even if you don't feel that way now. I too am new at foster parenting, so I don't have a lot of "experience" to share with you. BUT, I can say...do what is best for those kids. I don't care who you have to get involved. Those kids need somebody on their side. And that somebody is you. Go to bat for them as I understand you already are. If you don't do what is best for them, is sounds as if nobody else will.

Good Luck...And...God Bless YOU!

[lori_t66]

Than you so much busqueen! Your kind words are such a blessing.
Take care,
L

[Cleopatrick]

Sometimes your voice is the only one the kids have speaking for them. The DSS is about reunification, and sometimes it seems like they will reunify at all costs. They don't live with the kids, they don't love the kids, and sometimes they see them as cases and not as kids. I've dealt with some very wonderful case workers that I've known have taken my concerns seriously and knew they took it into consideration. Many of the times they agreed with me but would explain to me why they couldn't do anything about it. They didn't just leave me in the dark wondering why this child was going back to an unstable home. I've also had some that just really don't care. What they want is a case off their load or they make the assumption that I just want to adopt the child. The ones that know me know that I want the child to have the best life possible and if that means going home I'm all for it. If it means being adopted by another family I'm all for that too. I just want my kids happy, stable, and loved. By all means, speak out. You love these kids and they can't speak for themselves so you need to be the voice that they don't have.

[tlc4kidz]

I have been where you are too, but our fc's were not relative. You just HAVE to document all your concerns and report them and then pray that the judge (who has the final say) sees what is best for the kids. We had a time when our fd had a 4 hour visit in a home with no heat when it was below freezing out. The cw did not have a problem with it because they held her the entire time and she was wrapped in a blanket. I had to go on to report it to the GAL because it was a safety issue and the visits were moved to a home that was more appropriate.

It must be hard having 4 so close in age....bless you for taking this on!!

[lori_t66]

Cleopatrick,
I agree with you so much. You know, in the beginning I was so afraid to say anything. I thought the case worker would see me as a thorn and take the kids away. That scared me to death. All i could think about was, them being placed in diffrent home and how hard this would be on them. You know, I cry sometimes because when I look at them I see lost ittle souls just searching for a place to "BE LOVED". One of the kids( 4 fixing to be 5 year old neice) that has most of the behavior problems. She has been like this from as young as I could remember. She has awful fits. She tries to hurt herself ect. I could go on to tell you that the diffrence in her behavior (fits ect) and the other kids are totally diffrent. My husband and I knew she had problems with her behavior, all the kids did but not like they have been when they got here. It was far worse than we knew. She is far worse. They wouldn't even sit at a table and eat. I'm not talking about sitting still or sitting like a kids usually do. I'm talking about being just Wild.
Anyway, I have gotten my neice into a program for behavior modification called PHS( Profesional Health Care Services). They only take the medical card and usually take ony kids from 5 and up but she is so close to turning 5 that they got her approved. I think she'll start next week. I'm so happy for her. Or maybe for me too because they work with the family and let me tell you that I have run out of soulutions for dealing with her behavior. The case worker hasn't done anything at all to help set this up for her. She has called me several times at the last minute to cancel parent visits when she knows that there won't be any because of somthing she has scheduled for parents. Blah...I could go on and on......it just makes me sick that she doesn't have a heart.
You know the parents looked at my husband and I as the evil people. I explained to my mother in-law who must have gotten back to them that I don't want to keep their children, I just want the kids to be safe now and in the furture. I had to put it to them the only way i knew they would understand......I have had 4 children of my own. they are 19, 18, 16 and 15. My 15 year old lives with his dad because this is where he wants to be. the 19 and the 18 year old are on their own and the 16 year old lives with me and my husband. Now why in the world after going through raising my children and getting a little freedom under our belt would we want to steal your children! I didn't set out to to take them from you. But we will stand up for them and make sure they are safe. Because All children are the innocent ones and if they need to go to a diffrent home where someone will love them and care for them ten thats what needs to happen. If we need to adopt them, we will. But this is not our goal. I would say the parents understand now but they seem so clueless sometime I have to wonder......
Shoot, look at this post...I could go on and on. I'm sorry. I guess it's that I don't have anyone here that i feel understands me in any of this....Case worker called and in so may words apologised for her behavior and told me she was there for me too. I could tell it was forced because Casa got a hold of her. So, I can't use her for a support line...lol
Thanks so much for your replies....they mean alot.
Take care,
L