[alle_h]

my husband and i have had B,12 and J, almost 13 with cereberal palsy, for almost 7 months now. It's looking fairly certian that both of their parents will lose parental rights by this jan-feb. We're all set to hold on to these girls for the long haul through TPR and relative searches and adoptive searches if need be and both girls know they will stay with us untill a judge decides that they can live elsewhere.
B and i had a conversation during the first few days she was placed with us where i mentioned that we had requested children that were only 2 or 3yrs old. I dont remember discussing this with her at any other time, but some how it's come up in her mind again and she's asking if there's a way we could still get placements of young children while she and her sister are with us.
I hadn't even thought of it really because we barely have room in our house for the 6 in our family now, much less adding more. She's offering to clean out many things in her room and promising many things and pratically begging me to call and ask about it.
I really dont know what to think. Im unsure if she's all about getting a younger child in our home because she thinks it's something i want, or if she's wanting a younger "sybling" for viarity or what.
I've heard of children wanting a "little brother" or " little sister" and asking their parents, or asking santa (i even did that!=) but i've never heard of this before lol
Has anyone else had this request? How did you handle it?
I'm all about making the room for another child if the children are really willing to do what would need to be done.
Thanks,
-alle-

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

Hi Alle,

Could she be thinking that if she helped you get a younger child by cleaning out a lot of her stuff you'd keep her too?

Kids think very differently than we do (as I'm sure you know). Maybe she's thinking they can't stay because you want younger kids???

Just a thought.

Michelle

[mom2GRLC]

I think she probably would like to see what it's like to care for a little brother or sister. Many kids want a younger sibling ...I know I used to beg for a little sister when I was younger...and even in my teen years.

My concern is how it will make her feel...if you get a baby in that you want to adopt.....but you don't want to adopt her.

Many of my older foster kids used to be concerned with what was going on in their future.....they would ask if we would adopt them. It broke my heart because I knew they wanted love and stability in their life. It may be hurtful to your other children if you are consumed with the baby...which you will be because "it's a baby" they demand attention. Your other children may start to act out...not knowing how to deal with their feelings of rejection just because they are older.

I think you just have to follow your heart....really figure out what is best for your family. Decide wether you can....also think about adding a big sister to your forever family.

Good luck

[Lorraine123]

I believe she thinks you want a younger child instead of her (in fact, you told her that). In her mind if she can make room for a younger child then is solves two problems. You keep her and get the baby you want.

I don't think she wants to see what it would be like to have a younger sibling. She is still working on having a family of her own.

I think it would be very hurtful and damaging for you to get a baby you intend to keep while this girl is living with you. While they are with you, they should feel that they are very special, loved and wanted. Do not bring in the child who will be her replacement while she is there.

Just my opinion.

[stepforone]

I would tell her that they are all you need or want, that you have no desire any more for a younger child. It does sound like she might be terrified that she's stopping you from getting your 'dream child' and she's loving enough to want you to be happy. And scared that you will blame her for not having a baby in the house. Let her know that if you indeed did tell her you were wanting toddlers, that your wishes have changed and you are happy with the family you have.

[alle_h]

yah, reading what you all have written does sound like it may be what's going on. I was afraid she was feeling unsure or 2nd rate and it's really unsettling that i didn't notice it right off.
what's funny about this is i really am happy with our family just the way it is right now. i love these girls and i wish we could adopt them. She's asked us about adopting her and J and it's really hard to tell her that we cant. i just dont want her having any extra false hope.
i'lll talk with her about it when she mentions it again.

thanks for the 'removed third party' opinion, guys.
-alle-