[ChrisO238]

My husband and I have been licensed for a little over a year. When we first got started we were straight adoption and then changed to foster to adopt but are only considering legally free children. Well as a result we have had a failed adoption and only a couple calls on children we ended up saying no to due to their issues being more than we felt we could handle.

We are getting ready to be relicensed and I have spoken to our cw about the possibility of accepting legal risk placements in hopes of somewhere down the road adopting a younger child. We know it won't happen right away and we also know that many children will go back to their bio parents or family members. I think that is what is scaring my husband. He is afraid of the heartbreak we will go through when the children go back. What can I do to convince him that even though we will endure the heartbreak that it will pay off in the end for not only us but the children as well?

Chris

[lovemy6]

I'm not sure I'd suggest talking your dh into something he's set against doing. You will need his full support to parent a child if you choose to foster first and if he's not on the same page to begin with, it might be hard to have his full support.

Maybe you could start out fostering a child that you know is going to go home, that way he can see if he really could foster in the hopes of adopting?

[tlc4kidz]

I have been told by many cw's that some men are just more hesitant....especially the (big tough) teddy bears like mine. My dh did agree reluctantly to foster, and has been wonderful. For the first year we had our soon-to-be-adopted fd he would say things like "they'll find a great home for her". It would break my heart, but I never tried to "talk him into" anything. I knew he had to be 100%. Well when it came down to it he was the one to say there was NO ONE taking her away and if they tried we'd find the best darn attorney around.

He said the same thing about her baby brother and here we are, about to become their forever family. I've since asked him about it and he said he just didn't want to think about it until it was a reality. I think that's how he guarded his heart with those kids that did leave. I did catch a little tear in his eye at our first fd's adoption party which we were invited to. You know what they say about thebigger they are, the harder they fall!!

[ChrisO238]

fosterma,
That's exactly the way my husband is reacting to all this foster stuff! He's just like your hubby - a big tough teddy bear. Actually over the weekend we went to a craft show here in our town and he saw some foster parents with their foster son. I caught him staring at the parents and the little boy and I said to him "isn't he a cutie?" His reply was "he sure is." After that we talked some more about it and he agreed that we'd try it. We both came to the conclusion that if it isn't for us we can just tell our cw that and go back to the way things were before (which is searching the photos of waiting children).

How many little ones came into your home before you finally found your soon to be adopted little ones?

Chris

[tlc4kidz]

Our first placement was 9 months and a lady I worked with adopted her....she had alot of special needs and they had experience with an autistic daughter so we felt like it was a perfect fit. The second one was also adoptable, abandoned at birth, but we were not in agreement about adopting her, and thank goodness because she is now in the most awesome home and also has the perfect match for a family. We had several other very short-term babies. One went home after they got electricity turned back on (he was on a monitor) and another was a short-term placement that had to go to another state....but we knew that when we took them.

When we got our current fd (at 2 days old) we were told at the hospital "don't get too attached, she'll probably be going home soon." Yea, right! I took one look at her and fell in love, BUT I always supported reunification and really did think that was what would happen. It went on and on and at 14 months her brother was born and at 16 months we filed for her adoption (couldn't file for his because he was a seperate case and goal was reunification). The bp's at first decided to contest and then consented on BOTH. So, here we are....one month away from being a family of six!