[mom2GRLC]

My husband and i have taken in over 30 children in the last 2 1/2 years. We have never abused or hurt any of our kids. Infact we have adopted 2 and were soon to adopt one of our other foster children.

We were warned in our foster parenting class that a child might make false allegations against you and if they do.....then they have to remove all the foster kids until the investigation is complete.

Last sunday we went to the park and one of our kids got some bruises from playing. When the school asked our 3yr old fs how he got them he told them daddy did it.

I'm not angry at our fs....but I'm angry with the school for not calling us and asking us what happened. The school knows that he is delayed in speech.....In some areas he is at a 1 year old age level. If you ask him a yes or no questions he always says yes.....and he doesn't understand conversational speech very well. So if someone asked him....Did your daddy do this he would say yes.....without even realizing what he was saying.

I know that his previous father spanked him and when they asked him question about his dad.....he probably was answering about his father not foster dad.

So now they took away our 3 foster kids until the investigation is over. The two boys we wanted to have leave anyways for specific reasons.....it had already been several days passed our 10 day notice. But at the same time they took away our 2 1/2 year old fd who has been with a us a long time and who we were getting ready to adopt this coming year.

I know we are innocent....although i have nothing to prove we are innocent other than showing them what park we played at and how we think he got the bruises. So I hope this investigation goes by quickly so we can get our little girl back.

Has anyone ever had to go through this or known people who have? I could really use some advice or support. I don't really wanting any of my friends or church friends to know about this because I don't want people to get the idea that wee might abuse our children in their heads.....although I know my close friends would realize how absurd it is....because they know us very well. I've only spoken to one friend and my husbands parents about it...but i feel like I still need support....my baby girl has been placed with another home.....i know she is being taken care of....I just hate having her to have to go through this.....she doesn't handle change well...and now her mommy and daddy have disapeared and she is in a whole new place.

It also makes me mad because if DHS would have removed the boys from our home when they were supposed to....we wouldn't have gone to that stupid park and he wouldn't have played and gotten the bruises and none of this would have happend and my little girl would still be with me.

[Jensboys]

We too have been through it ... although having the children removed in our area is not the first option and not done until after the investigation is complete - unless a threat is considered imminent or someone was "definitely" hurt.

Its VERY hard and you will need to get as much support around you as you can

1) Contact your foster parents association (I could probably guarantee you that they are VERY VERY few foster parents who havent had false claims against them -- its to be expected.) They can offer you support and advice.

2) Request written letters of support from people who know your parenting style, your son's speech therapist etc who can support your take on things (including his speech delays).

3) know the facts - know when/if your husband was alone with the kids. Know when their last baths were, when the bruises appeared etc.

4) Fight for your foster daughter - once she is out of your home a week - its harder to get her moved back.

Anyway - as a result of the trauma to our adopted kids we swore of any more fostering until they are MUCH older (if ever!). (we had an older foster child than our own kids).

[Cleopatrick]

Going through it right now. I'll pm you my e-mail address if you would like to be "investigated" buddies.

[tybeemarie]

Foster Cline's book, Can this Child Be Saved? addresses this issue. He referenced a group VOCAL that provides support and advocacy to people who are in the position you are in. I would also get a lawyer with experience in the field ASAP! So sorry you all are going through this! I follow your posts and know what committed parents you are.

[mom2GRLC]

Well, we looked into getting an attorney but didn't have enough time before the police interview. I didn't really feel like we needed one..at least not yet...I had a feeling it would be pretty informal...and it was. The lady who interviewed us was very nice. She agreed that nothing would come of this allegation. We still have to wait 30 days for them to close the investigation before we can get our little girl back.

I just pray it goes by quickly and she sticks to her word. The bruises were obviously not from abuse but from playing at the park....anyone could see that. Plus we wrote out everything we did this last week and there was no time my husband was even alone with our fs. He's been to busy at work and by the time he got home the kids were already asleep.

Thank you for your support and advice. I hope it doesn't go any further. I will let you know.

The hard part was our soon to be adopted fd was also taken away the day they took the boys away. On sunday her birth mom and grandmother and baby sister came to our church to visit her and we had to explain to them why she wasn't in our home temporarily. I felt so bad. They again expressed their concern saying the only reason she had signed the papers relinquishing her rights was because she knew we would be adopting her. I had to reassure her our commitment in doing everything possible to get her back in our home ASAP.

I think it was completely wrong for DHS to have removed her from our house in the first place when we weren't even guilty of anything. They assume guilt before innocense and automatically remove all fosterkids when an allegation is made. They don't wait to ask us what really happened they just snatch the kids away and then ask questions later.

I don't know why this happened to us...but I know things happen for a reason. Which may only be for me to have more compassion for the families put in these difficult positions as i have been. Again thank you for your support and advice.

[roxanna425]

please don't be angry at the school. they are mandated reporters and if a child disclosed an allegation of abuse they must follow up on it and make a report otherwise they can be sued. thy are not supposed to tell the parents they called it in either (can you imagine if it really WAS abuse and they did?) anyway they did what they have to do. we are in a vulnerable position as foster parents but the people that investigate DLR CPS know this and if you have plenty of corroboration that you are a good parent and if the bruise fits what the child says happened then you should not worry too much. i am saddened by the predicament and my thoughts will be with you.

[mom2GRLC]

You're right!!!

I guess i'm not really mad at the school. I know they were doing what they were supposed to and I also know that in many cases they are saving the child from future abuse. I also understand that DHS is only doing it's job by protecting the other kids in the home when a report is made.

It was just so heartbreaking to have our little girl torn away from us. She has such a hard time with seperation and feeling comfortable with strangers. I know this will set her back in her development and may cause future trust issues.....and bonding issues like it has in the passed for her. Plus the fact that she missed out on Halloween and will also miss out on Thanksgiving. We had a trip planned for December to go see family before Christmas and we may not get her back in time for that. So we might end up having to re-arrange our plans or cancel them. It would be even more heartbreaking to go without her....on our family trip.

I still feel that someone should have asked us what happened before starting the process of investigation. i guess the only reason why it went straight to the police is because of what our fs said to the school. They won't even tell us what was said...just that he said his dad did it. I have a feeling he was asked leading questions and just said yes to them...because he always says yes to questions that he should say no. .

[tybeemarie]

If you can afford an attorney, I would really urge you to reconsider not hiring one. In our state, DCFS can drag these investigations out. I am just sick thinking of your poor little daughter, out of your home and confused and sad. It might be helpful to have a lawyer if for no other reason than to keep them to their schedule. I don't know what the rules are in your area, but it may be that you are entitle to more detailed information about the allegation. It is unfair that you should be called upon to defend yourself against generalized allegations. Good luck. I'll say a prayer for your little girl. So sad.

[mom2GRLC]

When we went down for the interview....we asked what the specific allegations were and who exactly reported it. All we were told was that the allegation was against my husband and it was in regards to the bruises our foster son had. She said she couldn't tell us anymore....we can't even find out until after the 30 day period when they will officially tell us wether they will make a case of it or not. At that time we can write into this certian address and pay 10 dollars and they will mail us a copy of the report.

I personally think that is stupid....we should be told exactly what what our fs said. We certianly shouldn't have to pay for it.

One of the questions they asked us was about our fs's brother as well. It sounds like our fs said that my husband also scrached his brothers arm. For one that is rediculous and I don't even remember his brother having a scratch on his arm. It makes me wonder what kind of questions these people asked him and how they asked it. His imagination was either going wild....or he remembered something his dad did...not my husband.

I tried to look up Vocal but couldn't find anything. As for an attorney the one that a firend reccomended to us requires $3000 up front. We don't have that kind of money to spend on a lawyer. We are innocent....if they decide to make a case out of it for some reason then we will have to go with a court appointed attorney.

I really am feeling at peace with the whole situation now. Yes, i am concerned and want my daughter back NOW...not later. But as far as the case goes.....I really feel like everything will be over in a month. As time goes by maybe my feelings will change....but for right now we are just going to wait it out and see.

The next step for us is for them to come to our house next week for a safety walk through. Beyond that...I think it is just a waiting game.

[tybeemarie]

I am glad you are feeling peaceful. You are a person of great inner strength. I wish you the best!

[pugsooie]

Hang in there girl!! Hopefully they will find that there is nothing to investigate and you will get your baby back.

[mom2GRLC]

I am really not dealing with this situation very well anymore.

I could care less about the investigation...I just feel it will be over soon...I know we didn't do anything and they will see that too.

What i can't deal with is not having my little girl here. It is tearing me apart. I cry all the time and am constantly looking at her pictures. I just miss her so much. i even wrote her a letter/poem reflecting on her life with us and all she has overcome and waht a beautiful little girl she is turning into. She has always felt like my daughter. I have always felt like she was truly meant to be a part of our forever family. I can't bear her being in a home away from me...away from her family. Our 5 year old son is completely lost without her. He is always asking when she is coming home and needing a whole lot of extra attention....since his playmate is gone. Everyday she consumes our prayers and thoughts.

Evreything is making me cry. hearing a song or watching a show on t.v., looking at her pictures, or just everyday things....especially around the time her bus would be coming home from pre-school.

I've also been thinking a lot about her mom. I never met her until about 6 months ago...right before the 1 year court date. I instantly saw the love she had for her daughter and it pained me to see her cry...I cried along with her. it was the first time I realized that "My" baby really had two mothers who loved her very much. I had been through so much pain and loss with other foster kids leaving that even though I really felt she was supposed to be my daughter. I really hoped that she would get her life together so she wouldn't have to go through so much pain of losing her.Well her case kida flip floped for a while then her mom signed over her rights. She wanted us to adopt her baby.

Now, having had our daughter removed from our home I think of her mom often and how she must have gone (probably still is) through the same kinda pain I'm dealing with right now and for me it has only been over two weeks....she's been away from her daughter for over a year and a half. We've talked and both agreed to keep a kinda semi-open adoption....with pictures and visits (although she does know that we are in the military and will not be in the area forever). I just keep thinking of her and think maybe this is why this happend to us...so we could understand her pain....and to help our bond with her birthmom become stronger.

I know i can get through this we are half way there....it is just so hard to keep my chin up. My days are like a roller coaster of emotion....but I can never get all the way up...there is that constant knowledge that my baby is not with me...she is somewhere way across town with someone i don't know and neither does she for that matter. I hear she is in a single parent home with a bunch of kids. I wonder if her foster parent has time to hold her and kiss her goodnight. I wonder if she is throwing a tantrum(which she is famous for) and how the foster mom is dealing with it. I wonder if she is sad and missing her mommy. I sent some pictures with her in a little frame and i wonder if they put it up for her where she can see it so she will know we still exist and love her so much......I just want this to be over and to hold her in my arms and never let her go.

[nursie]

Throwing support your way. This must be horrendously difficult. Not only are you accused of something you didn't do but it is tearing up your family and keeping you from your loved one.
I hope they resolve this soon.
Surely the investigative people know that kids esp. 3yo can confabulate all kinds of stories. I hear it daily with 3 of the children I have 2,3, & 4 yo boys. "He did it, Daddy did it, Sissy did it" they come up with all kinds of false accusations. Even when you confront them with the truth because you watched them do it themselves they will still stick with their make believe story.
I understand the mandated reporter thing and of course if a child tells you something you must report it even if you know/feel that the child isn't telling the truth. The reporter just reports the comments and physical evidence and then the child protection intake folks make the final judgement.
I will pray that this ends soon for your family and for the sake of your fd and her birth family.
Let us know when this mess gets cleared up.
Hugs

[mom2GRLC]

thanks for your support it really helps to calm my fears.

Today we finally had our safety inspection.....it took a whole maybe (60 seconds). The investigator just said "give me a quick walk through" so we did...she didn't even go in the rooms...just a quick glance.

We asked her if that was all and she said yes" I've got all i need....your house is clean and well kept...so I'm done." We asked her about the investigation and she said "I have now worries about you guys" then we asked her about when we can get our little girl back...asking if it can be done before thanksgiving. She said she couldn't promise anything because she has many cases ahead of ours. Then she was gone.

I couldn't believe how fast it went.....all my worries for nothing. Or at least i hope for nothing.....she could be misleading us..but I don't think that is the case.

Now we just have to hope and pray she closes the investigation quickly....and maybe just maybe we will have our little girl back for thanksgiving. We were supposed to be leaving on a trip to visit family December1st. We may not have to reschedule that after all.

I am feeling much better about hings now....I still miss my little girl more than ever...I just finally feel that we are closer to having this whole thing be done with and to getting her back.

I can't wait to get the news that we can go pick her up.... I think the first thing I'll do is call her birthmom...and let her know the good news and arrange a visit for them. I feel so bad having them go through this as well.

Thanks again for all of your support ...I really do appreciate it.

Once we get her back it won't be the end to our worries...we still have to go to her TPR hearing in December and then wait to see wether the judge will terminate the fathers rights....and wether he will appeal....but we know she is meant to be ours and God will hep us through.

[jolean12]

I just found this thread and wanted to check on how you were doing and if you had heard anything. I am praying that all will work out soon.