[kadas33]

I'm hoping that everyone here with all of their knowledge can give me some advice. My brother was just incarcirated this week. He is divorced from his wife and they share custody of their 5 year old son. My brother was living with me and my family up to this point. His vistation with his son was at our house.

Here's my questions. I have an 8 year old daughter who hasn't noticed that her uncle hasn't been around the past few days. What should we tell her and how much should we tell her? He's in jail for a sex related crime so I don't want to give her too many details.

Also, we are expecting to get my nephew on Friday. Neither he or his mother know yet. What should we say to him? Both my brother, his ex wife, and son are learning disabled.

My last dilemma is that his ex wife has also been charged with the same crime. If she goes to trial and is found guilty, they will both be in jail. He has been sentenced to 5 years and her charge carries a penalty of 5 to life. What will happen to my nephew if she's convicted?

My nephew and his mother live with her parents. My husband and I would be very interested in taking my nephew in while his parents are in jail but don't know what we need to do to prepare for this ahead of time. What will the state use to decide where he will live? Will they automatically leave him with his grandparents?

Thanks for any advice that you have to offer. It's greatly appreciated.

[kforkids]

Are you already foster parents?
Is it your place to tell your nephew and his mother? If so, I'd keep it simple, but be prepared to answer questions. Learning disabled does NOT mean stupid! Keep things concrete.
I don't know if your brother's lawyer could address where your nephew would go. He and the boy's mother would probably have to be in agreement in advance of any legal guardianship. If she goes to jail too, you should be in good stead anyway if you are already foster parents. You are a relative and they do look at relative placements first.

[kadas33]

I am not a licensed foster parent. Should I look into getting licensed in anticipation for this?

I don't know that she would agree to letting my nephew live with my family as she might want to keep him with her parents. How would the state decide where he would go?

[kforkids]

The state will do homestudies on relatives who express interest, if it comes to that.
If you think you might be interested, I would investigate getting a foster care license. If you are licensed, you would then be the natural choice. If the child is taken into custody, he would go into foster care until an appropriate placement is found.

[MommyofEli]

I am really not sure but I think that if her parents want him even if you are lic foster parents (given they past the homestudy) he will stay with them because that is where he lives now. It would be less work for the state and less stress on the child.
But I would get my foster care lic. just in case they didn't want to keep him or if they didn't pass the homestudy.
We did that for our nephew. We wanted to make sure he went to a home where he knew the people taking care of him.
Good luck with everything. You are in a hard situation!

[mj77]

I agree with mommyofeli 100% I would jump all over that foster certification. Are this mom's parents older? Would they be willing to adopt this little guy or have permanant legal guardianship over him? Check your state's social services on getting started.

As far as sharing with the mom I would be completely honest with her esspecially if she too could be convicted of this crime or a crime related. You nephew though should be told of his dad's incarsaration and that he made some poor choices and broke the law so he will need to go away for awhile ("to jail" depending on his sensitivity and understanding) and get things worked out. If he wants to know what he did, I would just tell him that it is very complicated and then use your judgement on how vauge to be.

I'm sorry for your family's situation. I hope things work out for the best of this little guy.