[Iluvowls]

Hey everyone,

In my immediate family, we are very affectionate and genorous and have no problems showering someone on their birthday or holidays. Especially with a homecoming for a new child. Is this a good idea to swarm a child with gifts, even though they are given with all the best inentions?

The child I am looking to adopt isn't use to this overwhelming display of love, but can easily get use to it, (which is what my family would want). Should we gradually show our affection with gifts? Or should we just do what comes naturally? With the holidays coming up, I can see myself going overboard.

Thanks for your feedback,


Monica

Mom of 2 angels 12 and 7, bth couldn't be more perfect.

[Lorraine123]

I don't know the background and age of the child you are adopting, but in my case, we had to be very careful in giving my daughter too many gifts at once. I think this is true for almost all foster children.

My daughter was 6 at the time of placement and had been in and out of 5 homes in the previous 2 years. We wanted her to attach to us and not to the gifts we give. She didn't see us as permanent and therefore preferred the presents to our love. We still (1 year and 4 months later) have to be careful in giving her gifts.

You don't want to confuse the child into thinking giving gifts is how you show love. You need to show the love first, build trust and attachment, and then give gifts later. In fact, giving too many gifts can hamper the attachment process.

You may need to talk with your family and let them know that the child's background is different than "normal". Therefore, they may need to alter their ways.

[mj77]

I think it depends on the age of a child. If it were me and I were adopting an older child, I would probably ease my way into it. I would imagine many gifts at one time could be overwhelming for a child. A baby I think would be different in that they don't understand any different. I don't think that you should treat your child any differently than any other child in your family is treated though so if lavishing gifts is what you do and you are comfortable with that then, by all means. I would imagine as a child though they could come to expect the lavishing with gifts everytime though.

[Iluvowls]

Wow, you both have been helpful, the child is 4 years old and I haven't had a little one that size around in a few years. I guess I'm a little rusty. I guess my nervous energy is getting the best of my judgement.

I'll relax and think and take each day as it comes.

[leenab]

Both of our boys went crazy when we gave them too many gifts. We learned the hard way as most of them were broken in the first day. And then they assumed more would be bought to replace the broken ones. There were tantrums and more breaking of things, mostly by O. Raj just wasn't sure why we gave him so many presents and was WAY overstimulated. We had to put half of the toys away and gradually add toys.

Most foster children aren't used to the things in "normal" life, like nice toys, nice clothes, getting a bath, eating nutritional food, regular mealtimes, age appropriate bed times, manners, etc. You need to start out slow. Maybe suggest to your family that your foster/adopt child get gift certificates. This way he/ahe can gradually buy presents. My parents did this. Now they just get the boys a small present, like a book or outfit and give them some money for their piggy banks. This makes life a lto easier.

-LeenaB

[leaabc123]

It all depends on the child's background, as others have already said.
However, you also want to be careful on a holiday like christmas, if there will be a bunch of kids getting presents. You don't want to have him/her feeling left out.
Perhaps, gift cards could be given. that way items could be purchased slowly and as needed?
The child can send out thank you cards (with help) for the gift card and add a little note about what was or what will be purchased.

[ladyfr0g]

I work for a foster care agency, so my experience is related to my job rather than personal experience. I know that some families get into trouble when they take new kids on big outings (like an amusement park) when they're new to the home. I think the same thing could happen with a huge amount of gifts. If the child knows nothing about your home and family, they may assume that every day is like christmas, or a huge fun event. I think it may work out better if you give the child a few things they need, or a special toy at the beginning. Then when it is a special occasion you can give more gifts, but it won't always be expected.