[ahimsa]

I am in the process of trying to adopt a 2 and 3 year old sibling pair through social services. I recently found out that they have three older biological brothers that they visit three times a week and would like to continue to do so. I am all for keeping contact with their siblings, but had pictured more of a once or twice a month arrangement. I would hate to not take them over this, but 3 times a week seems excessive! Has anyone ever experienced or heard of anything like this? I could really use some advice! Thanks! :-)

[little_meg]

Hi, I'm in the process of adopting a nearly 3 year old who has a 6 year old sister who he has contact with once a fortnight at the moment, it used to be once a week. It is gradually being reduced for his sisters sake more than for his, as he has no bond with her as hes been here since he was 6 months. He is only going to see her twice a year after that, I do think 3 times a week is a bit much.

regards Norma.

[Gwen]

I am in the process of adopting a two year old boy, who we have had for 2 years (most of his life). He had visits twice a week with his two bio sibs when he was still visiting bio mom.
Most people on this board would say the more visits the merrier, however, I think that visits should your child, your lifestyle and what fits. Everyone should be comfortable with the end decision. I realize that the bond is important but you need do to the best thing for everyone and that should be what everyone is comfortable with.
Just my opinon.
Gwen

[Kindreds]

For the 2 and 3 year old pair - their older brothers are their big brothers and the reverse is true as well, the younger ones are their baby brothers. It must be important to them or I do not believe social servivces would be asking for this amount of contact. I think it would not be right to separate them. As they get older, each child will have their own schedule of activities - with school and sports etc. so that the amount of contact will probably decrease in a natural way. It may be traumatic to just cut them off now and this is why ss is looking for someone who can accomated the level of contact

[Gwen]

I have came to understand and appreciate the journey of the adoption, it has given me a different respect for the bio family involved.
However, I still think that each situation is unique and the workers can make text book senerios (how many visits) based solely on what they have learned instead of case history or the childerns needs. REMEMBER....SS have loads of cases, they are busy people and decisions can be made with little thought to the individual case. I am not here to tell you what it right or wrong only that you need to determine the best for you and your particular case by getting history and developing a plan based on the best of everyone involved.

[riley6]

Are the older siblings with their bp's or are they also going to be adopted?

To me, to facilitate the bonds with you as their family, the visits should probably be reduced. We have sibling visits with one of our sibling set and their sister once a month. But they lived together for 8 yrs. They talk on the phone two to three times a month in addition to their visit. This works for our busy schedules.

[ahimsa]

I really appreciate all of your comments. I do agree that the sibling contact is important. If social services feels that 3 times a week is necessary, then these are not the kids for us (as heart-breaking as that is). However, I do feel that it is a disservice to the kids. Although bio siblings are very important, so is placement in a permanent loving home. I would hate to think that they will live years in a foster home just to see their bio siblings three times a week, as opposed to have a loving adoptive family and home and see the bio siblings once or twice a month. It's so complicated!

[ahimsa]

Riley6,

The three older brothers are living with a caregiver, not the birthparents. Parental rights have been terminated and little is known about them. The brothers are with a caretaker who attempted to also get the toddlers. He was told he would have to take parenting classes and he never did, so the kids are now available for adoption. They live in a different home than their sibs.