[jennyg1982]

Not sure what to do?! When we began this roller coaster called foster care we were interested in a sibling group of 2 boys our MAPP class leader told us about. They were free for adoption. They chose another family for these boys even though we had met the boys and were interested in adopting them. That was ok we moved on and now have 8 kids, 6 of which are foster to adopt. Today we get a call that the 2 boys have had a adoptive placement failure and they are considering us again for these 2 boys! They now say they should have gone with us in the begining as we had alot of experience with kids. Are they just trying to "butter us up" to say yes? We are really at a loss. We have always continued to think about these 2 boys over the past 5 months and wondered how they were. The caseworker said the boys have asked about us and that we made a impression on them. True or just trying to tug at our heart strings? My husband wants to consider it. I am not againest it but I am worried about giving 10 children under the age of 17 attention and in addition to that our own 3 children still at home. They are older, 17,19 and 24 but still they are here. We also have a grandson that I want to spend time with. Our daughter 22 and her husband live about 1 hour away and its hard to get together and spend time with them and our grandson now. Are we crazy? Has anyone else faced a decision like this?

[adoptakid2day]

WOW, that is alot to think about, im sure the agency is playing on feelings some by what you have mentioned..10 kids , what can I say....thats alot...I say soul search and follow your heart!! and take a family poll maybe.good luck to you!!!!

[riley6]

You have had EIGHT foster/adopt kids placed with you in the last five months? WOW!

I can't give you any advice you'd (probably) want to hear. Pray about it a lot and see where you're led.

[roomformore]

I really admire your desire to help and love all these kids. I wonder however if by taking in two more when you already have 8 might be stretching you too thin? Do you have enough time to spend with each of them every day? If they were adopted by a family with less children maybe they would get more one on one time? Plus these children will need extra attention for quite a while after the placement and that will take time from your other 8...........it is a difficult decision. Good luck.

[leenab]

In our state they won't/don't place 8 children with a family. The most I've heard of is 5, it's our state's maximum allowance of children. It's that way for a reason. I currently have 3 children: 1 adopted, 1 soon to be adopted and 1 foster. I'm also a stay at home mom so I have the time to dedicate to all 3 and their schedules are such that each one gets 2 hours of individual mommy time a day on top of all the other mommy time and 2 hours of shared daddy time during the week.

When we asked for 2 fost/adopt placements in the beginning it was very ddifficult to get that. But we persisted and R joined O in our family. But then R's biomom had a baby in march and we were passed up as a family for him because we already had 2 fost/adopt placements. Our state likes time inbetween adoption oriented placements.

It is a juggling act to spend quality time with each child during the day. On top of it I'm homeschooling our adopted son so he gets 3 hours of school time a day.

You really need to think about it. Can you handle 10 children? 8 fost/adopt children? Can you afford to feed, clothe, shelter and provide for 13 children total?

Good Luck,
LeenaB

[jennyg1982]

I have been thinking of this all day. I really feel we have our plate full so to speak. We have been foster parents for 9 months and the 8 children we have is plenty. There are still some behaviors we are working on and these kids take alot of time. I am a stay at home mom and I also homeschool our 17 year old. I still feel alittle tug for these boys but I think we will pass. I do not think I can do it. By the way Riley, I would be interested in your advice. I have read many of your posts and would value your advice. Anyway, thanks so much for your help. Today was a hard day with these two boys running thru my head and some of my foster kids being in rare form! Thanks again for letting me vent!

[riley6]

Well, since you asked

I'm not sure if I'm understanding right, have you received all your children in the last 5 months? If so, there are too many kids going through transition right now. It takes 6-12 months for most kids to really settle in emotionally. By "stirring the pot" by adding new kids, your already-there kids are going to start regressing some. I would be very concerned about those 8.

Now, to the other two kids, they have just gone through a trauma, having left a family that they thought would be forever. I don't know what the reasons are for them leaving, but if it was bc of their behaviors, would you really want to subject your 8 kids to that? If the disruption was bc of their pre-adopt family, these kids are going to need a lot of one on one and bonding time to regain some sense of security. With 8 other children to care for, would you really be able to provide them with that bonding time?

I only have six kids, five at home, and I know how hard it is to meet each child's needs EVERY single moment of every single day. We do the best we can and I THINK we're successful, but I know doubling the kids I have at home now, I could NOT do it, especially if even one kid has RAD.

I think you've made a very wise decision! God bless you for even thinking about taking the other two. Just give your 8 all the loving you can! Pray for the two, that they find the forever family that they deserve.

[riley6]

I've been meaning to ask, are any of your foster/adopt kids siblings?

[jmcquade]

Originally posted by jennyg1982
Not sure what to do?! When we began this roller coaster called foster care we were interested in a sibling group of 2 boys our MAPP class leader told us about. They were free for adoption. They chose another family for these boys even though we had met the boys and were interested in adopting them. That was ok we moved on and now have 8 kids, 6 of which are foster to adopt. Today we get a call that the 2 boys have had a adoptive placement failure and they are considering us again for these 2 boys! They now say they should have gone with us in the begining as we had alot of experience with kids. Are they just trying to "butter us up" to say yes? We are really at a loss. We have always continued to think about these 2 boys over the past 5 months and wondered how they were. The caseworker said the boys have asked about us and that we made a impression on them. True or just trying to tug at our heart strings? My husband wants to consider it. I am not againest it but I am worried about giving 10 children under the age of 17 attention and in addition to that our own 3 children still at home. They are older, 17,19 and 24 but still they are here. We also have a grandson that I want to spend time with. Our daughter 22 and her husband live about 1 hour away and its hard to get together and spend time with them and our grandson now. Are we crazy? Has anyone else faced a decision like this?

[jmcquade]

Hello my husband and I read your message and we are doing the same thing with our 2 boys We are jumping through hops and its so hard o how do we know our heart go's out to you and your husband and when we see our boys on the week ends its so hard to let them go we are in transit right now the boys agency keeps adding some thing new and we dont know if theres some one else or there trying to let us down easy we are having our ups and downs and we drive over 400 miles on a week end when we went through mapp classes they said 2 maybe 3 visits we have been doing this sense start of august and they dont wanna move the boys til nov some times we need help and have so many questions and we cant get any where

[sfbaymom2000]

jennyg1982

I had to re-read your post to be sure if I read correctly. I don't mean to sound judgemental (I know I will), but for the life of me I can not comprehend why 8 children would be placed with you (on top of your three) and why you would accept 8 placements! And then to even consider taking two more is just insane! I am sorry, but caring for 10 kids (under 17) who had NOT been traumatized would be incredibly challenging. How can you even hope to adequately care for 8 to 10 kids who HAVE BEEN physically and/or empotionally traumatized? Riley made some great points. I am also wondering about tht 6 that you said are fost/adopt. Is it really your intention to adopt all six of them if they are TPR'd? That seem like an awful lot for anyone to take on.

Anyway, I would just advise you if that any of these kids leave (to return to bparents, go to adoptive palcement) you might not want to keep accepting more placements for a while until you are down to a reasonable and humanly managable number. Good luck!

Lynn

[barbhuff]

Wow, good luck. I'm totally floored that they placed 8 kids with you in your first 9 months! And they're looking at adding two more! Talk about burning out your foster parents quickly!

I can't imagine...

Follow your heart and do what's best for everyone involved. Those kids need your attention and will you be able to give it with two more? You really need to consider that.

In Him,

~B.

[mzbrown1]

My husband and I were just in a similar situation with the little girl we were wanting. We just found out today that our sw choose our family for her. I can tell you I prayed, wrote here on this forum, and searched my heart to make sure I could handle what ever was to come. It's hard but I wish you all the best, but if you leave it to God he knows your heart and will answer your pray. Good Luck!
Ang

[jennyg1982]

sfbaymom2000, Just wanted to clarify a few points. We have so many children placed with us because DCF feels that because of our experience with raising children we can handle it. BEFORE we were licensed with the state we had already raised over 20 kids so we KNOW we can take care of the ones already in our care. And YES if they all become available for adoption we will adopt them. Why would I do anything else if they are doing well in our home? And all our kids are flourishing (caseworkers words not mine) in our large family. Yes it is hard at times but we have a unique family situation that allows us to have lots of time to give our kids. I do not work outside the home and my husband only works 2 days a week in the summer and 1 day in the wintertime. (he owns and operates his own lawn service/ landscaping) EVERYONE in our home gets one and one time, some more than others depending on their needs. We are very organized (we have to be with this many kids) and we have a daily planner for b.family visits, doctors visits, therapy app., social workers apt, court dates. And we can not usually do things on the spur on the moment because of our planner but IT WORKS. We can not go out to eat very often, but we have yearly passes to Sea World, Bush Gardens and a water park for ALL our kids so they get to do fun things. We go camping as a family twice a year and go on one family vacation to New York each Winter. So yes it can be done. Not everyone will agree with me and thats fine but I KNOW I can handle what we have now but I also know my limits. My heart always goes out to kids in need of a home and it most likely always will. Thanks everyone for your replies keep them coming even if you think I am nuts!

[mom2GRLC]

I think what you are doing is great. Big families are wonderful as long as you can manage them and it seems very apperant that you are doing just fine.

Each family situation is different and unique. If you feel that these boys are meant to be yours as well and they are willing to let you adopt all of them, i see no reason why you shouldn't.

We have 2 adopted children and 3 foster children right now. If the state would allow us to take more we would have. Yes it does take a lot of balancing in your life but the children are a delight to have and I do believe that each of us have our own limits. Some are blessed with the extra capacity to give and love and that's what it sounds like you have. Congradulations on your growing family and keep up the good work.

Think of the wonderful oppertunity your kids have to build lasting friendships and support with all of your children. Who would not be blessed from having such a big family to love them. Your children are truly blessed to be a part of such a big family.