[Iyoba]

The following is in response to an article which appeared in the September 7, 2004 issue of Adoption Week, entitled, "Why I Continue to Care about Foster Care," which can be found at http://e-magazine.adoption.com/artic...oster-care.php


As a social worker in long-term placement, I appreciated the article "Why I Continue to Care about Foster Care." Unfortunately, my hands as a social worker are often tied by the courts. I am of the opinion that continuing parental visits is often harmful for the children, but regardless, I am ordered to make them happen. If a child doesn't want to visit, I have to send them to a therapist to deal with the issue. (Would you believe they talk them into changing their minds?) If a child acts out after visits, it's assumed that he is saying he is unhappy because he is being separated and that we should increase the number and length of visits, etc., ad nauseum.

Everyone complains about how bad the system is and about the constant turn over in social workers, etc., but the reason for the turn over is that we are asked to do an impossible job and then when someone decides to "fix" something, they do so by creating another task, another form, another contact person for the social worker to do. Not only that, but like the article said, the legal system gives all the rights to parents and forces reunification. We are forced to consider that as the #1 choice regardless of our personal opinion. It is never too late until the child is adopted. A parent can reunify at any time, and we as social workers must state every six months what we are doing to assist the parent in that goal.

Let me present an example--I received some cases this week in which the children were placed into the system eight years ago due to physical abuse, substance abuse by Mom, and severe neglect. During that time, two of the children have emancipated out of the system at age 18. Two more have been adopted. The two I received are 13 and 17 years old. For the last four years, Mom could not even make it to visits. Then she had two more children enter the system. Prior to that she was caught lying to social workers who tried to assess the baby's well being. She reported an address where she was supposedly living. A social worker made a scheduled visit to that address. Mom attempted to keep them from entering the residence. When they insisted, she knocked on the door prior to entering. (Remember she is living here?)

Once inside, there were no baby items, and the baby was reportedly staying with someone else. It was obvious that there were no babies in the home due to medicines, electric cords, etc. that were easily accessible. Finally the baby and the toddler were removed from her care again due to drugs. This time, she entered a treatment program and is "doing well." Suddenly she can make her visits and everything is fine and the children should all be reunified. These girls were in a stable, upper class home, and the foster parents were ready to become their guardians, but then mom re-entered and suddenly the guardianship is off. The girls are having behavior problems and reunification for all four children - two infant boys and two teenage girls - is the best plan. Tell me that's fair and right? Tell me that once she is out of the program and the Dept. is no longer watching her that she will remain drug free? Tell me that living with her in a shared apartment is better than living in a large, upper class home where they have been for years. Tell me that changing schools in her senior year is good for the eldest girl? Yet, that is the order I must follow.

My opinion is that if the parents cannot reunify within 6 months that all visits should stop and the children should become adoptable. It should not be allowed to go on and on like this. There should be no such thing as long-term placement, or as the current jargon says "planned permanent living arrangement." It is wrong. Children need a home, not a placement.

I am sorry to be so long in this, but I just have to get it out of my system. I'm sick of the social workers being blamed. If changes are to be made, it needs to be at the level of the courts and the administration. Don't create any more forms. Don't ask a worker to make another phone call. Don't ask the worker to see the kids more often - they can't. We care. We took this job because we wanted to make a difference, but we soon quit caring and become secretaries more than social workers.

[2boyz1girl]

AMEN!!!

I'm not a social worker, but I was intending to be one in college. I couldn't do it once I realized what I would be asked to do. I know that social workers get a lot of the blame (I've blamed a few myself), but I also know that you are stuck in the middle of an all around BAD situation. I love the six month idea. The few states that have expedited permanency laws in place at this point are already fighting to keep them. I can see trying to reunite older children with the only parents they have ever known, but for years???

[nursie]

for expressing your concerns and frustrations. It is important for all of us to remember that we are in it for the kids and we are in it together.
It is true that as a SW you can only do so much. I found it interesting that some of the SW's that have worked with our family have expressed much of the same thoughts and feelings you have.
I have heard them say , on a termination trial, if the judge doesn't terminate this one I am going to quit. Unfortunately, even when there is a great case against a parent and you(the SW) have worked to help the parent reunify but they have refused to follow your caseplan, YOU still get blamed for not offering or doing enough !!! I have seen it happen. I am living it now and believe me the SW , GAL, and County Attorney are frustrated with the judges poor decision to allow the parent yet another chance.
It must be overwhelming to try to want to do what is best for the kids and not be able to always do what you want to do but unfortunately have to do by law/policy.
Wouldn't it be nice to go in to the hospital and remove a child at birth when you know the parent has used drugs during the PG and the parent already has a child who has been in foster care for a yr but noooooooooooooooo the law won't allow the SW to do that without a positive drug screen in the hospital.
The parents seem to have a lot of rights, what about the kids.

Hang in there, It sounds as if your discontent lies in the fact that you can't do enough but remember, if you can help even one child lead a better life by your involvement, it will have been worth it.

Hugs.

[Ms. Jackie]

I lived in foster care for ten years. In spite of the fact that I have met hundreds of other foster youth and former foster youth, I am the only one I know of who had the same social worker for the entire duration of their stay in foster care.

My social worker was awesome. She drove 45 minutes or more to visit me at some of my placements, she filled out extra paperwork to get money for me to do some of the extra-curicular activities I wanted to do and she always told me I could call her at home if I had a problem. That meant sometimes I called her to complain about having to do dishes or clean my room, but she took it in stride and always made me feel like my opinion mattered.

When I turned eleven, someone I had never met decided I should be adopted. I had several reasons for not wanting to be adopted, including the fact that my mom, who is mentally handicapped, would not understand and would think it meant she was a bad person. Also, I was not sure I wanted to be stuck with those foster parents forever. I told this to my social worker and she stood behind me 100 percent.

Doing things like that made her superiors angry. It endangered the thing that is most sacred to them - federal dollars. After she had worked in the system for many years, she made the wrong person angry by sticking up for kids and she was fired.

Being a social worker is a heart breaking job. To this day, the system makes it easier to do what is not in the best interests of kids than to do the right thing. Social workers are just caught in the middle with everyone else, trying to make the best of things.

[ChgoFAMom]

I am a foster mom becasue I care about kids too and I think they need to be safe and have a home - where they are loved and wanted unconditionally .............. in the midst of court dates, visitaitons, "forcing" legal issues and laws - this passion can get lost.

We are in the final steps of adopting a girl who has been with us since she was 16 days old - she is 2.5 now. I know that seems fast ............. and this is an "open and shut case" - but it still took me, the foster parent, to push state and federal laws for this to happen.

This should have been finalized more thn a year ago, but it was held up with continuances which were shown to be delay tactics.

As a foster parent - thank you for caring so much!

Thank you for your wisdom of the 6 month reunification. I was heartened to have read it. It's very rare that I see support for foster and adoptive parents - support seems to run rampid for the bio parents and not the children or the people that pick up the pieces and mend broken hearts. My husband and I were foster parents to two beautiful little girls before we adopted them. Although the mother continued visiting with them on a weekly basis before adoption, the older child (2 yrs. old) would return and her reactions were just awful! It would take her nearly three days before she would return to herself! It was heartbreaking, to say the least. We do maintain contact with the biological mother and the girls do visit with her once or twice a year and all seems well. Although our older daughter still reacts negatively, my husband and I feel strongly that the girls need to have that contact. Thank you again for your comments! I think you're an admirable person doing such wonderful work!!

[mgen]

I agree with the part about not prolonging permanent placements. I am currently a foster parent of a 12 yr old who has told everyone who might listen, that she does not want to return to mom, doesn't care if she sees her...yet is forced to have visits. All her current "signs" are that she just wants a stable home. I wish there were a way to tell both parents to either do what they say they will or sign their rights over. She is a good kid. Her dad keeps promising to get custody yet doesn't show up for court or pickup his plan from DHS...I know the case workers get so frustrated with it all too. Thanks for letting me ramble! Mary

[cajaime]

I just wanted to say "thank you" to the social worker who wrote from his/her heart on the issues of foster care and reunification. My husband and I are wanting and willing to adopt a 2 1/2 year old boy who is currently in foster care and has been for 5 months. He has a court date next month which will most likely say that he is to stay in foster care for another 6 months because his parents aren't ready to reunify. I agree that if parents can't get their act together in 6 months they don't deserve to be parents. This needs to be about what is best for the children, not about the parents who lost their rights in the first place by not taking care of their children.

[klkillian]

As a foster parent who has been through visits with a bio Mom, I can not agree more. I had a little girl who was taken at birth, due to removal of 4 other children. I spent Thursdays waiting by the phone to see if she was going to be able to keep her scheduled visit on Friday. More times than not, she canelled, for whatever reason, or did not even bother to call.

Bio Mom was given 13 conditions 3 years ago when the first 4 were removed. To this day she has not met a single one of the them, and the kids still have not been TPR'd. Our little girl, M, is now 2.

The longer these kids stay in an uncertain environment, the less their chances of attachment to a permanent placement are. We had one of the original 4 that was removed. He was removed at 3, we got him at 4, and he was already suffering from attachment disorder. We no longer have them, not by our choice, but they are floating in the system. When, and by who they will be adopted remains to be seen.

At age 6 and a half, K, runs a very strong risk of never attaching in his life, and becoming unadoptable. His behaviors, his fears, and his angers tell the world to keep away. He was begining to attach to us (17 month placement) when he was taken away. He has been in his current placement for almost a year now, and they have made no commitment to adopt him, because of his behaviors. M is borderline on attaching. She went through some major trauma when she was taken from our home at 14 months.

I would take them both back in a heart beat and adopt both of them the minute they became available!! Why after 2 and 3 years are the TPRs not done, and these kids not allowed to get on with their lives?? Bio Mom obviously is not going to change her life. In fact,she is currently sitting in jail for 1 year on a felony child assault charge, but the kids still aren't freed for adoption.

[klkillian]

As a foster parent who has been through visits with a bio Mom, I can not agree more. I had a little girl who was taken at birth, due to removal of 4 other children. I spent Thursdays waiting by the phone to see if she was going to be able to keep her scheduled visit on Friday. More times than not, she canelled, for whatever reason, or did not even bother to call.

Bio Mom was given 13 conditions 3 years ago when the first 4 were removed. To this day she has not met a single one of the them, and the kids still have not been TPR'd. Our little girl, M, is now 2.

The longer these kids stay in an uncertain environment, the less their chances of attachment to a permanent placement are. We had one of the original 4 that was removed. He was removed at 3, we got him at 4, and he was already suffering from attachment disorder. We no longer have them, not by our choice, but they are floating in the system. When, and by who they will be adopted remains to be seen.

At age 6 and a half, K, runs a very strong risk of never attaching in his life, and becoming unadoptable. His behaviors, his fears, and his angers tell the world to keep away. He was begining to attach to us (17 month placement) when he was taken away. He has been in his current placement for almost a year now, and they have made no commitment to adopt him, because of his behaviors. M is borderline on attaching. She went through some major trauma when she was taken from our home at 14 months.

I would take them both back in a heart beat and adopt both of them the minute they became available!! Why after 2 and 3 years are the TPRs not done, and these kids not allowed to get on with their lives?? Bio Mom obviously is not going to change her life. In fact,she is currently sitting in jail for 1 year on a felony child assault charge, but the kids still aren't freed for adoption.

[CWR]

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! (really)
You have spoken the truth about the impossible job that social workers do for the sake of the children they supervise. Please continue your work & know that there are people who really appreciate it. Please spread the word (your experience counts) and let the adoption community and others know how we can help.

As a former adoptive parent, I have seen the damage that the courts can do to the life of a child. The examples you state are repeated thousands of times in the US.

If you ever find that you can't continue as a social worker, please consider becoming a family court judge...and find a way to give these kids a permanent, life-long adoptive home before it's too late.

Thank you & God bless.

[sdiedre]

I cannot agree more with the fact that parents' rights outweigh childrens......in fact, kids have the same basic rights as our PETS.

It is ridiculous, but be ready for a battle to the death from the ACLU if you decide to fight that 'blood right'.

It is absurd to protect the rights of someone who has already failed over someone who hasn't even had a chance to try.....just absurd.

The unfortunate thing is the stigma of being in foster care - aren't they aready damaged goods, bad blood? What has that to do with me?

ARGH!!!!!

[tvs4]

I totally support the 6 months in care and if there is no progress by parents then the kids are placed permanantly elsewhere. However, I think that in those six months that EXTENSIVE and REAL services must be offered to the parents (like real drug rehab not just "get clean for 28 days then right back out to the streets") and 40 hours a week of parenting classes and mental health services and job training. I think if you offered parents intensive, extensive services for 3 months and there is no sign of any positive change (they refuse services, they can't stay in rehab, they won't attend classes - even if they don't have anything else to do) then I think a judge should be able to move those kids to permanant homes. If at the 3 month mark there is signs of progress, give them another 3 months. By 6 months I think you'd have a fair idea of who would succeed and who would fail.

Sadly, this all requires money for these services but I think in the long run society would benefit.

Thank you to all the good social workers out there who everyday face a thankless job and have to work with very difficult people.

[WannaBtheMommy]

Lyoba- all I can say is "amen, sister!"

Thank you for understanding that FP sometimes feel like we are swimming in quicksand, and that the courts have the ropes... Thank you for telling us how you FEEL, and how you are... not just what you have to do.

Bless you for your "keep on keeping on"... ALL OF OUR CHILDREN NEED YOU!

[scandi]

Lyoba

I concur - AMEN. Thank you for saying everything that I would like to and do sometimes. I have been doing the job for 7 1/2 years now. I keep doing it because I love my job but sometimes I think if one more person up above at the state gives me one more paper to fill out I am going to go nuts.

It is supposed to be all about the kids. I am very lucky that we have wonderful Judges who see it just that way - but they also have to follow the laws and sometimes have to order things that they might not nec. agree with either. sometimes it is just no win and that is the worst but I stick it out anyways because in the end it is about the kids.