[TexasMel]

Hi Everyone,

This is my first post on this board and I'm just trying to find my way around. I'm not even sure I found the right spot for my situation. If not, perhaps someone could direct me? There are so many forums. LOL!

Quick Intro:
My husband and I are going to start the adoption process in January. We are thinking about asking for a boy between the ages of birth and five years old or a sibling group of two within that same age-range.

Right now we are having a hard time deciding whether to go through the state (Texas) or through an agency. We know that we'll be getting a child that either is just entering the foster care system or that has been in the foster care system.

So I guess I'm wondering how likely it is to get a child in that age range if we are not fostering to adopt - just approved for adoption. Is it better to go through the state or an agency in this case?

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and am not sure where to start. Any suggestions or ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you!
Mel

[texastanya]

Hi Mel,
What part of the state are you in?

We're hoping for a sibling group of 2 boys from 0-6.

My husband and I have completed our training, and are getting ready for our Home Study next Tuesday. I have to say, I am soooooo glad we went through an agency. They have access to the same children the state does, but it seems to have a greater personal touch than the beaurocracy of the state. When ever I have a question, they are quick to respond, and I feel as though I've established relationships with the people in the agency as well.

Hope this helps,
T

[TexasMel]

Hi Tanya,

Thanks so much for your reply.

I live in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. Where are you located?

That's so neat that you and your DH are hoping for a sibling group of two boys between 0-6. That's great that you've completed your training. How long was it and did you feel it was worthwhile? I hope your homestudy goes smoothly next week.

What type of agency did you go through? I seem to be having a hard time finding an agency that does deal with the older children. Most only do infants. That's what I was wondering - if dealing with an agency would be better than the state with more personal contact and everything. Thanks for sharing your experience with that. I really appreciate it as I'm having a difficult time locating anyone locally to ask or talk to!



Mel

[texastanya]

Hey Mel,
I sent this to you via PM since the board deletes anything with an agency name.
We are in Arlington, and we decided to go with C* K*. They are a Christian-based organization, and they have kids from 0-18. I give them a very high recommendation. Sacha has been great, along with everyone else we have dealt with there.

I think the training we received was valuable, and good. Some of it was a bit redundant, but I'm sure someone else needed to hear it... Parts were really great, and other parts were like watching paint dry. The training process took one month. They have classes every Tues/Thurs/Sat. after hours during the week and for about 5 hours on Sat's.

I'd love to answer any other questions you have.

Best of luck in your pursuit!

T

[sfbaymom2000]

Hi,

Things might be different in Texas...we are in California. I went to orientations at a private agency and our county, and decided on the County. Although the private agency said they have access to kids all over the state (as opposed to just our county), they admited that they do not have access to them until the counties have been unable to place them. Therefore, they tend to have access to kids that are "harder to place"...older, more troubled, sibling groups. Just something to keep in mind. Also, our county works with two other "exchanges" so they can access kids in nearby counties. A plus on the private agency is that they really are working for YOU, the adoptive parents. The county clearly tells you that they are (understandably) in the business of "finding families for children, not children for families". A plus on the county side is that preplacement visits, and post placement visits with birth family (if applicable) will be much easier if the child is from an area closer to you. I feel comfortable with our county at this point, and have a great SW, although I have heard of some not-so-great ones. We also know of a few families who have successfuly adopted toddlers from through our county. Anyway, I would just advise you to get as much information as possible!

Good luck,
Lynn

[TexasMel]

Tanya - Thank you so much for the information. If we go through an agency, that is exactly the type of agency we would like to get involved with. I'll definitely show the site to my DH and I will send them an e-mail and see what they have to say. What did they tell you about an approximate time for you to get a sibling group in the age-range you prefer? Just curious. And are you being specific on resquesting African American versus caucasian etc.? A month isn't bad for the training. I'm glad there was some helpful information during the training sessions even if parts were really boring. I would love to stay in touch through PMs or e-mail and hear about your process and how it goes as we wait till January to start.

Lynn - Thank you for the information and for letting me know how your experience has been. We don't have anything here that works with the county directly - it's a small county. All I know of is working with the state and since Texas is so large it would require travelling one way or another unless we lucked out. However, I had not thought of the pre- and post- placement visits. I also had heard that many agencies only get to place kids after the county or state cannot and thus the children are a little older.

Too bad you can't be on the list for both! LOL!

Mel

[sfbaymom2000]

Mel,

If you have not done so already, you may want to start reading about children adopted through foster care and their possible issues. I've read several, but so far I've liked these best:

Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray
A Child's Journey Through Placement by Vera Fahlberg

Another good one is Toddler Adoption, the Weaver's Craft by Mary Hopkins-Best. It helps you to go in with your eyes open, but it is also kind of scary. I have heard the Adopting the Hurst Child is also excellent, but a bit scary. These kids can definitely have issues, so you want to be prepared for the worst, and hope for the best. That said, I am encouraged by all the positive stories I have heard from people on this board and from friends/acquaintances who have adopted toddlers. We are very excited about a little girl joing our family, but are already getting impatient! Good luck!

Lynn

[texastanya]

Hi Mel -
I'd love to stay in touch! I'll PM my email addy to you.

As for time range, we were told that it could be anywhere from 24 hours to 3 months for a foster-to-adopt placement. Obviously, the more restrictions you have on what type of child(ren) you are willing to take increases the wait time. For straight adoption, I haven't really heard - I'll ask about that when they come next week.

When we first contacted the agency, I asked them how long it takes to go through the process. They told me that once you start the training, you could be licensed and have children in your home in 3 to 4 months.

As for ethnicity, we are truly open to whatever God leads us to. We're a caucasian couple, and we want children, doesn't matter if they're green - we'll take 'em! On the other hand, there are some children that we know we would not be the best parents for, so we're requesting children who do not have Oppositional Defiant Disorder, or Reactive Attachment Disorder. That's certainly not to say that children with these issues are not parentable, I just don't think I/we would handle it very well.

If you have a preference for a certain ethnicity, the agency can work with that. There are children of all races, ages, types, ethnicities, etc. in the foster care system.

Talk to you soon!
T

[TexasMel]

Lynn - I have started to read some books. I have The Weaver's Craft. You're right it is kind of scary. But I've heard it makes a good reference book. Thanks for the other titles, I will have to look for them. I am also very encouraged by the stories I'm reading! I hope you have a little girl joining your family soon!

Tanya - Thanks for PMing me your e-mail address. I sent you a note, so let me know if you didn't get it. I'll also PM you back. I'm sure it really does depend of the restrictions we have on the child(ren) we're willing to take. It sounds like you could have your kids before too much longer if everything goes quickly. How exciting!

I have to admit that we had never even considered foster-to-adopt until I started posting on this board. Now I'm getting really curious about it and even DH is very interested.

For those of you who have done it, I am worried about having a child placed and then having to give him up again. Does this happen very often in foster to adopt? And

Thanks everyone for all your help!

Mel

[stepforone]

Yes, foster-adopt children don't always stay in your home. The last twins we had were supposed to be adoptable and went to grandparents (but I think it is a good fit for them). It's very hard to give them up and it will break your heart. But you also get to find out if a child is a 'good fit' for your family before you commit to a lifelong relationship. Especially in sibling groups, odds are one won't fit as well as the other and I think it's best to know that ahead of time. If you think your heart and sole will adapt to giving back a child you love I would do the foster route. You won't fall in love with every child that comes along and my opinion is that it is best to find that out on a 'trial' basis, before you've committed to 18 years. Also, many foster parents adopt the children in their homes and they are never made available to adopt only homes. Especially infants. So your pool of available children is larger. On the negative side, my dh wants to stop fostering infants because it is SO easy to fall in love with them and he can't handle the heartache any more. But it has gotten easier, as much as we loved our twins it doesn't hurt near as much as the first twins we had to let go of. But then they also didn't go to a great home (and are back in care now). So it really just depends on what you feel up to and how much stress you can handle. Good luck on your decision.