[MommyofEli]

Hello,

I have a little 7 mth old baby girl that was placed with me on aug 31. She is so sweet and pretty. I was wondering (with this being my first placement) How long will it take for her to not be a velcro baby. I can't leave her eye site or arms reach before she is screaming!(not whinning....SCREAMING) I have a nine mth old who was scared when she cryed and he would start crying too but he does not anymore. She has gotten a little better but I can't get things done holding her in one arm ya know. I have so many toys for her to play with but all she wants is me to climb on.....I know she has been passed around lately and is scared that I will disapear too. How long if ever will she realize that I am coming right back.

[mckenna]

try a baby sling. you can carry her around and still get stuff done. it will take awhile to realize you will be there when she needs you. unti then, carry her as much as possible

[leaabc123]

Sounds like major separation anxiety. A baby sling is a good idea, if she is small enough!
It is going to take some time for her to understand that you are coming back.
Try letting her cry for small amounts of time. Also, you said you had toys. Do you have an electric swing or bouncy chair that she might like. Make sure she fits the weight requirements. But maybe something like that in the same room with you might be helpful.

[MommyofEli]

We have all of that....We went crazy when we had our son and bought everything...lol She weighs over 21 pounds(@7mths)she is a chunk! I think her mom use the bouncy chair a little too much. The one that came with her was stained yellow in the set. She does not want to be in it now. She uses me as a bouncy chair...lol I have tried everything...I have to say it is better....she let my hubby feed her last night(almost the whole bottle) before she relized that I was not holding her. I have her in my lap right now....lol
I just feel that I can't play with my nine mth old as much as I would like. He really does not seem to be mad I just feel bad.
I asked my hubby would it be alright if I took my son to the mall to just walk around and spend some one on one time with him and he thought that as a funny request...He said you are not leaving me with her....lol She likes hubby and will laugh at him when he is holding her, but the whole time she is also reaching for me. I try to take a shower while the kids a asleep but the other day I took one while hubby wachted the kids and she screamed the whole time and as soon as she saw me she stopped...He said never again!...lol He said that he tried everything and she just screamed in his face. Babies always like my hubby.
I love her to death but I wish the velcro would come off...lol

[leaabc123]

lol, my partner and I are currently foster to adopting a 5 month old boy who has been with us for almost 2 months. He is also starting to enter that separation stage but not as bad as your little one. He will look for me if someone else is holding him and will cry if he feels like someone he is with is stressed out or upset.

He is still scheduled for visits with bio-mom but she hardly shows up. The one visit she did show up for, he cried for a third of it. But social worker says they are highly tense people.

Our little guy is also a hefty kiddo, at 5 months, he is around 17 lbs.
It will get better but hopefully you don't go insane in the meantime lol

[jodybird511]

Definitely try the sling. I got a wonderful one when my daughter was first placed with us and I still use it! (my daughter is 15 months now!). Try looking at fussbutt dot com (don't want it to be bleeped out). THe slings can even be used with toddlers to let them ride on your hip.

[jodybird511]

Oops...sorry. It's fussybutt dot com.

[MommyofEli]

I will try that. Does it hurt your back?
I have a bad lower back.

[jodybird511]

Actually, it doesn't really bother me--it distributes the weight preety well--especially if you carry the kids on your hip and to the side.

[PetersMom]

My son came home at 4 days old. He was about 7 months old and I couldn't leave the room without him screaming. I remember telling my husband, "I refuse to be held hostage from the bathroom by an 7 month old!"

Anyway, I believe it is probably more her age than being a foster child (I don't think that's what you believe, but I'm sure it can be a lingering thought). She will need to get used to the idea that you leave the room, but you come back. And yes, it does get better. My son is five now and I have no problem when I leave the room.

[tlc4kidz]

You were blessed with a snuggler!! I am sitting here with our 4 month old fs on my lap as I type....he is our 2nd snuggly baby. Our 8 yo bio was (and still is) the same. He's the one in a large crowd who still wants to hold my hand and likes to stay where I can be seen. This came in really handy as bio-son #1 and fd are so independent they will take off with any freedom at all.

The sling is great. And it's amazing how much you really can do with a baby on your hip. You might look into infant massage....these babies usually LOVE it. It would be great for your son also as it would give you some special time with him.

[MommyofEli]

Thanks everyone!
Fostma...I wish she was snuggly....She a lot of the time wants to but put down (but wants me right there so she can climb on me or just be able to touch me when ever she wants) If I get up and sit on a chair....you better hold your ears..lol But she is getting a little better. Right now she is in a walker and is doing finewalking around the living room(don't worry no stairs for her to fall down) She is doing so much better with her development...motor skills too. She can now roll over, scoot across the floor, sit up with help, and she could not even move the walker when she first got here but now she can get pretty good. I think they just keeped her in a bouncy chair all the time...the one that came with her....yucky! Stained all up yellow and brown in the set of it. Any way...At nap times it is sweet. I have my nine mth old and my seven mth old... one in each arm as they fall asleep.....just too sweet!

[nursie]

I have a Siamese twin also . LOL She came to us at 14 months and is 18 months now. She was glued to me for the first month or so but things are much better. She would also scream when I set her down. She had 3 other toddlers to play with also including her 3 yr old brother which helped some. She started really getting attached to my husband and then that made my life easier and I could go shower or use the bathroom without the screaming episodes!!!!!
There are still days/moments when she is clingy (and prefers one of us over the other) and wants to be he held much of the time but hey, I have days when I feel that way too.
She was neglected and has a strange attachment or lack of attachment to her mother. When she saw her mother at the first visit , the case aide set her down and instead of running to the mother she just walked away the opposite direction. Wierd.
Anyway, it should eventually get better and actually for the age the child it is a fairly normal response for a 7 month old to have that separation anxiety then, add in her past home environment trauma and it's surprising that more children don't act that way when we get them.
You may want to get your husband a pair of earplugs so that you still get a chance for that relaxing shower or bubble bath, LOL, you definitely deserve it. Having a child demand your attention their every waking moment can be exhausting.
Good luck with your sweet velcro princess.

[MommyofEli]

Thanks Nursie.
She is my sweet bossy baby. I have been told that the age of the child has some to do with it. I never went though that with my son. He like to to be held but also likes his independents.
I like hearing other peoples stories about their velcro babies, so keep them coming!