[mj1212]

Let me explain. (I'm new to this so I hope I'm doing this right!) My husband and I became foster parents by chance in Feb. 2002 to two beautiful little girls, ages 2 and 4. They were the two youngest of three girls belonging to my first cousin.
We had two bio children, ages 1 and 4 ( our youngest was born blind along with a number of congenital disabilities).
Both girls came to our home after being in the states care for approximately 4 months or so.
We found while they were in our care that they had not recieved a proper diagnosis of the mental and physical conditions of which they both suffered from.
Based on finding that out I was extremely focused on making sure these girls would get every sort of therapy and treatment that they needed (and I knew how to fight for it being experienced with my bd own special needs).
The problem I ran into was that I butted heads with more than one caseworker and/or supervisor because I was so "demanding" on behalf of the needs of the children and right before my fd's returned home with their ** I was told by a supervisor who basically knew nothing of the case that they would not recertify me.
I was very angry because just weeks before, three people whom I worked very close with and were advocates for us were forced into early retirement due to budget cuts with the state.
Since then I have been very reluctant to reapply and am not sure if that threat made to me holds true, based on one bad experience? ANY ADVICE????

[hippiechick]

My advise to you: keep being "overly" demanding. You are the only ones who can insure that the kids are being taken care of.

If the case worker is worn out or burned out or over worked, that is not your problem. Keep being persistant!

((P.S. I work as a soical worker with kids in foster care---what you describe is all-too common))

[mj1212]

Hippichick~
Thanks for your reply. So do you think the threat to not certify me was just that, a threat. I do not know if I need to start the recertification process all over or if they can just update our records if we need to take a few more classes.
Nothing has changed as far as our living status, employment, etc. except that I am expecting in October, but I don't know if that would change their decision in our ability to be foster parents ( I would think that it shouldn't).

[tybeemarie]

I am disgusted that you would be treated poorly for taking your role as a foster parent seriously and advocating for the special needs of these children. As to whether they might attempt to deny your recertification, who knows? Given their laziness where the children are concerned, maybe that same laziness will help you where your license is concerned and they won't bother to retaliate against you in this way. I would check your state's administrative rules. In IL, you can appeal a denial of a license. I would carefully document the social worker's resistance to getting the kids services, the services you obtained for them, and the effectiveness of the services. You might also report this to your state's ombudsman or inspector general. Maybe you might want to transfer your license to a more professional agency? There are lots of private agencies who contract with the state, at least here in IL. Some are absolutely horrible, and some are extremely professional. I would find out who is good in your area. Given your expertise with medical needs, you might see about contacting an agency that specializes in medically complex kids. They should be more interested in a pro-active foster parent. God bless you for your efforts for these kids. You have made an enormous difference in their lives and protected them from the devastating laziness and incompetence of their indifferent social workers. If you feel up to it, it would be great if you could offer that same security and chance for happiness to some other children. Good luck!

[mj1212]

Thank you for your kind words, you have no idea how long I have needed that kind of support!
I had always thought that I was just too demanding and that if I was a more "lenient" fp that I would make a better one, but on the other hand I was taught, "the squeeky wheel gets the oil" and that's just how I am.
I absolutely hated to see the fp's who were taken advantage of and not compensated for there time and efforts, and I felt the same way about the children who were not given the medical attention and other services they needed because someone didn't really "think" they needed them or (didn't want to pay for them).
I DID NOT want to be one of those fp's and I think it surprised a lot of SW's when I "squeeked" because they were not used to that ( I was also very young as a fp too and I think that surprised them too).
Anyhow, I appreciate your words and hope to benefit from them!!

[Betti]

I'm a new foster mom and I do the same thing. I don't want any child in my care to be lost in the system. I think it's common for state workers and even acquaintances to assume that every problem is normal because the children are foster kids. Just because they are foster kids and we understand why they have so many issues, doesn't mean we can always just accept them. Just because a child is drug addicted doesn't mean they have to have a lifetime of developmental delays with no services. Why not try to be sure they get extra attention, nutrional support, special education, etc that they need? And just because so-and-so friend knows a child who also lies, abuses the dog, beats their sibling or runs wild, doesn't mean it's okay. Too many people say, "well, they're foster kids so of course they do that" or "all kids are like that". I believe it is possible to raise responsible, loving children who don't lie and are well behaved and foster kids should be raised as best we can to have the same values, love and servcies, whenever possible. I don't expect perfection by any means, but I advocate for the foster kids like I would my own child. Of course, some children don't respond to our affection, don't seem to learn as well and are unable to become a part of the family, but others just needed a chance. You can't save them all, but you can save some!

[mommalinda]

we'll the cw we have right now once this is over with we will never take a child from him again,we have a fs for 9 months now 2 months ago we let the older sibling be moved with us they are both still under 6 yr.old we'll the older started acting out sexually and physically toward his little brother i begged and pleaded to have him moved we'll the cw pops of that if i move one he will move the other one we want to adopt him and i told him the child is bonded and is happy with us plus they have 2 more sisters and each fh wants to adopt he has told one thing and turn around and say something totally diff. just a few minutes later so we don't know what to believe he is also mad because i went over his head to the big boss.he called another fm when he tried to get her to take the older one that he was having to move one this week and then was moving the other the next week she asked why and he said just because and not even to the same fh.

[jhtcct]

I have only had one cw that I considered "bad". She told complete lies about me and I wonder how she slept at night. I had told her numerous times how the bio would completely ignore me during visits even when I would try to fill her in on what was going on with her child. I was talking to the wall during every visit. She told me at one point that the child we had might be adoptable and I told her later that if he was adoptable, we would like to adopt. A few weeks later when HER driver didn't show up to pick up the child for a visitation, she called me and chewed me out for sabatoging reunification because we wanted to adopt him and not informing bio of what is going on with her child. She had him moved shortly after that to another foster home for eight weeks before he went back to bio. It made no difference to her that we had had him since birth and he knew nobody else. He was an object for her to do as she wished and she obviously didn't like me so she disrupted his little life instead of holding out for reunification. And this was just the minor stuff. I decided I would NEVER take another child from this cw. If I did receive a child who had not been placed with a cw yet, and it ended up being her, I would go as far above her head as possible to get another cw.

[skootinalong2]

Please do not give up fighting for your girls. Sometimes foster parents are the only ones fighting. Many SWs are over loaded with cases. You can get the children's lawyer involved. (here in CA it is the DA's office). It's too bad about budget cuts but children still need help and by law they are supposed to get it for them. I know it hard on you but if you don't speak up for them, no one will. I give you a standing ovation for your didication to these girls. God Bless you!!!!!!!!!!!

[waiting4agirl]

I wish I had more foster parents that would fight for their kids. I love it when someone is actively involved in getting kids what they need. Thank You.
If you are not satisfied with the supervisor ask for the program manager. Also, report to an ombudsman. You should not be penalized for trying to get help.

Also, like someone else said, consider getting a license through a private agency. The ones in CA are called Foster Family Agencies. do check them out though. some of them are top notch but others are awful nightmares.

Whatever you do don't be intimidated. Those kids need you.