[wlbjp]

I'm fostering my 2-yo-niece who was neglected & exposed to methamphetamines in-utero, so I've lurked here but have never had the chance to post. She's doing better & we're on our way to adopting, but I have a totally different issue.

I'm getting ready to call child services on a 8-yo boy at the school where I work. I have never done this before, and I have some extremely guilty feelings about it and worries about what his long-term prognosis is when he goes into the system, and goes into foster care. He is obviously neglected; he and his siblings are always dirty, hair ratted, clothes inappropriate (long sleeve sweaters in 101 degree weather). I'm not his teacher, but I know this child in particular wanders around the school, and wanders around his classroom, paying no attention to boundaries, and is an extreme behavor problem. He talks about death daily, and talks constantly about his "dad killing kitties."

Other teachers & support personnel know all about him and the sibs. They say dad is an extremely emotionally abusing person who, after they've met him, make them afraid to contact the parents about behavior issues for the possibility of retribution against the kids.

On the other hand - mom walks these kids to school everyday and they seem to be close to her. The boy has no other friends because of his behavior, so all he has is his siblings. I also know he would be a foster parent's worst nightmare. And I can't imagine seeing any kind of a placement that would keep these 4 kids together.

I know that, ultimately, I will make the call. The kids will disappear from our school, we won't know what's happened to them, and I'll be worrying about this boy for the rest of my life. But I have to do it.

I guess I'm wondering, as foster parents, if any of you have taken in a child this age who has so many problems, who is also attached to his parents & siblings, and seen it come out positively?

[kidsrcoming]

It's sad to see someone suffering, but it's also worse not to try to help. Whether it's a child or an elderly person. It takes one caring soul to make a difference in the life of another.

As someone that works with kids, it's your responsibility to call it in. You can be annoymous, they will look into it and decide if there is a need for intervention, that's not your job, your job is to just have the situation brought to someone's attention.

As far as the emotional aspects for the child, if this is how they've been living their whole lives, they do not know anything better. Yes, this will be disruptive, but how can they learn that the world they live in isn't "dirty, grimy and tattered" everywhere.

You know what's best and can only try to help. The rest is up to God. Good Luck!

[michellemartin]

You've got to do what you feel is right. I had a friend who tried to kill herself in front of her children- she's no longer a friend. It was hard to break that friendship. If her kids hadnt been taken from her at that point I would have also called and said what else was going on with her kids. I would have felt terrible about it because their dad (not bio) was so loving and cherished these little ones. (now he's a friend!)He left her and was able to keep them on his own- but she is not allowed contact unless its supervised. It was the best thing that could have happened and no matter how much he loved them and they him it would not have been a good place for them with their mom still there. He had to make the choice between these two kids or her- I think he made the right choice. Who knows maybe the mom in your situation is waiting for someone to save her from the mess she's in also.

[hippiechick]

You may be pleasantly surprised to know that foster care is not the great abyss in which children disappear. yes, there are horror stories. Yes, this boy probably has a long road ahead of him, no matter what happens. But there is hope.

You may also be surprised to know that the kids may not pulled out of the home. Maybe CPS will simply provide the family with a much-needed washer and dryer or food stamps or counseling or whatever they may need, and the family will remain intact.

You also may like to know that siblings aren't always separated i foster care. As a CPS worker, I had sibling groups of up to 6 kids that were placed together.

If you are really interested in ensuring this cihld's future, get licensed as a foster parent, telling CPS that you would like placement of this boy, should he ever come into care.

Hippiechick,
bmom
works in the CPS system

[Buzybee]

The way that I keep it in my mind is "You have to protect the child" When children services evaluates the situation, they go into the home and talk with the parents. If there are problems that can be corrected without taking the kids out the house CS will try that first. If the kids are in danger, then CS will take the kids into care and the parents will have to correct their situation before the kids can be returned. It seems like the mother loves her children so that is a plus on her part, but if she can't protect them or personal hygeine is a problem, she can get help. There are a lot of services out there for people who want help, but we can't force it on them. Plus, every one has different standards, where I couldn't imagine sending my child to school dirty some people don't see anything wrong with it....... I like my kids to be clean, hair brushed and clothes matching.

Good luck with your decision, in our state we are mandatory reporters, that doesn't mean we make the choices for what happens with the kids, but we report to cs if there is a question of safety and they make the decisions. Better safe than sorry

[Love_um_all]

Have you ever concidered that that child may want to be out of his home. The child knows it is not safe, lives in fear daily, maybe watches dad hurt mom, or bothers/sister, etc. My step dad physically abused me and my brother for 8 years, if the state would have found out, I would have gone to live with strangers for a short time, but I would have gone to my dad, or grandma who loved me and my brother, we would have been safe, and he would never be allowed to see us again. I wanted out, I think this child wants out. It seems to me that is why he is acting out. I did not do anything to make waves back then bc I was scared, but it would have been ok. The children probably have an aunt or uncle, or grandma that would take good care. Please save these kids. You have to trust God with the rest.