[jscarol]

Thanks for the replies.

I realize that we have made many mistakes on this short journey. I just don't know how to correct them.

At this point, I believe that the issues have PILED UP and my frustration along with them. I do not want to bombard M with all of the things he is doing wrong. I compliment and thank him when he does the right thing but rarely tell him when he has screwed up. When I have, he has lied and denied any wrong-doing even when the evidence is clear.

How long is the "adjustment period" and when (and if) is it OK to get "tough"? My husband feels that we will alienate him if we do and that he is still searching for proof of acceptance. I think he feels that M is testing us and as long as we stick with him through the unacceptable behavior, he will trust us and not test/manipulate us.

This appears to be a double edge sword. I feel like I am ****ed if I do and ****ed if I don't.

[riley6]

We always start out probably harder than we need to be, then ease up as the child starts to show us that he/she is trustworthy with extra privaleges. It sounds like you and dh started out too lenient with him and now need to back track and gain the boundaries that need to be established.

Good luck. I have a (bio) 19 yr old who wants all the privaleges and although he is responsible, he still needs to respect that this is OUR home and our supporting him is NOT a given.