[Gwen]

I have a teenager (teenagers are generally all I have taken) who have been with us for over three years. She has RAD and has never fully attached to any of us. Although she loves all the occasional relatives that drop by. She has visits from mom (monthy...which cause huge problems.) and will be here until 18. Due to the judgement made by the courts she is unadoptable so that she can still have access with mom (got to love those lovely Canadian rulings)!!!
Here is the problem...much like most teens in care (mine and those around me) they run when they have had enough. My teenager did this last night (although a first for her) because she just hates not being a normal kid. She has been in care more than with mom and has had enough. This, she has explained, has nothing to due to me in particular but just being a foster kid in general.
I am lost on how to "make it normal" or "help her like it" I think she is normal (she has a job, is involved in the community etc....)

[allabouthorses]

Y'know what? She's NOT like every other kid. I think that in the long run, she will do much better once she stops wishing that she was. Of course, it would be wonderful to have a permanent, stable family. She's lucky to have you, but it's not the same, and she knows it. I can only imagine the pain that she's in, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

There are things in my life I desperately wished I could change. My teen years were extremely painful because of this, and I was suicidal for about 3 years. Nothing can change my past. Nothing can erase what happened in my life. But, I learned to accept it, and even embrace it, because it shaped who I am today. I don't like what happened, but I do like who I became. Once I learned to love myself, every part of myself, I realized that all the other stuff doesn't really matter in the long run, because I overcame it, and learned from it. I may not have had the perfect life, but who has?

I hope that this young lady will get pleasure from her involvement in the community, and find peace within herself. Only then can she begin to heal, love herself, and go on with her life, remembering everything she has learned by NOT being "normal".

The best thing you can do for her is listen. Let her rant and rave about how much she hates her life, let her cry all she wants. Then, tell her about all the good things you see in her, and how her life may have affected who she is as a person. Help her to realize that she has precious gifts to give that so many people who have had it easy all their lives could never hope to have.