[LeighM]

We have had a multi-racial (aa/na/ca) little girl in our home for almost two years. She has been a foster child during that time. Well in a couple month we will go to court the terminate parental rights on both of the parents and then we will adopt. I love this little girl as though she was my own. But at the same time I worry about whether I can provide her with the guidance she will need. We as a family plan on teacher her about her cultural background. We live in a large metro area and there are all sorts of museums and event that we can attend. Our community is very diverse.

But my question is will that be enough. Will she look back and wish an AA or NA family had adopted her? I guess what I am asking is ..have any of you ever felt this way.

[jamie3]

Actually I feel that way now. My boys tpr hearing has already happened and we are moving toward adoption. I already have 3 kids and I wonder if they would be better off with a family w/o so many kids. I don't know how I can be a decent mom to them all. My house sure looks like a tornado went though it today, but I am too tired to do anything about it and no one else seems to care. I don't have the race issue too much. One of the boys looks a little hispanic so I think he is going to be darker than anyone in the house. I don't know if that will matter in the future to him or not. Who knows?

[MOFosterMom]

Well, my first thoughts are that this little child has been your daughter for 2 yrs? You are the only mother she knows. Also, you should really dig deep within yourself and only ask how much "love & support" you can give to her. Love provides miracle healing over time and with patience and guidance you can all work through this.

But, if "you" aren't sure 100% about being able to handle the background of the race of this child compared to yours compared to those around you and GIVE this child all you can in everyway for the future, then well.. maybe you really need to make a decision, and soon.

Can you picture this child "out" of your life? What does your heart tell you?

As far as the cultural thing, there's great books and places and support groups and people of different backgrounds that you can depend on to give this child what you are hoping to give her. Frankly, sometimes people that adopt IN race don't provide their children with ample information about their history, ya know?

I adopted an AA drug-exposed boy and I am white. As a single mother to him along with an adoptive father he has that I was married to we intend on sharing with him all that we can, but this child is going to have questions and he's going to quesion "himself" and the why's and who's and what's and etc etc. He may wish one day (or it may cross his mind) what it may have been like living in an AA family, but ya know? .. as far as I am concerned this child loves us as "his parents"... and I love "him" with every ounce of me I have to give. I know that providing guidance, communication, openess and support for all his needs along with "good parenting" he will grow up with all his needs met, have knowledge of where he came from, his ethnic background and etc...

For me, I never questioned if being white made me any less "acceptable" to being his mother, frankly it doesn't. The joy and love between us is remarkable. Also, the love that his father and I give to him is proving to US in what we see of him that he is thriving and extremely happy and loving.

Best of luck in your decision, the answers will come to you.

MoFosterMom

[stepforone]

You have to remember that no matter what this child will miss out on two parts of their heritage. The odds of them finding a family that fits their culture would be near impossible. Let them know that you don't have ANY problems with their mixture and don't ever insult another race (not that you would) to them. They will grow up knowing they are loved and they can search deeper into the other races when they are able and want to.

[cj416]

If the child is part NA that should mean the tribe would be very involved in her future adoptive placement. They try to place with in the tribe first, if that can not be done the move to other tribes to look and then onto non-indian families. I don't know if that even is part of what is involved with this child, but you may not be given the choice unless you or your spouse are registered NA.

[Howdy]

Is there any organization in your area for families like yours? I think a kid would want to feel 'normal', and if she regularly sees other families where the children are different races than the parents, she might feel more normal. A lot will probably depend on her personality. I work with a guy who is AA and has very dark skin. His adoptive mom is Ca. He says he found it funny when he was young and people would ask him where his mom was, when she was right there in the same room. But he has a very laid-back cheerful personality, I think some kids might be upset by that sort of thing happening.