[6kiddos]

Does your county or agency do a good job at retaining foster families and making them feel appreciated and valued? Could they do better? Any suggestions?

I have a friend who has been a licensed foster parent for close to 18 years and she and I have supported each other through some pretty tough stuff. Six months ago she and her husband decided to take a break from foster parenting and she returned to the work force. (She had been a stay home mom who fostered very young children, often in sibling groups) This is a great loss to the children in our county, but on a personal level it is much better for my friend. She called me last week saying that her supervisor told her several times that day what an asset she was to their workplace. She feels appreciated and respected. She is an amazing woman and should have been told these things while she was fostering! The only comment that the county licensor made to her when she told them that they were taking a break was "We'll get you to come back" and that was it. Families like hers are very hard to replace...new foster families are wonderful and many counties focus on recruitment...but are they focusing on retention as well?

Yearly appreciation dinners or holiday parties for foster parents are nice, but increasingly hard to fit into tight county budgets. A more effective and affordable option might be training caseworkers to call a foster family after a child leaves to acknowledge their grief and thank them for the care they provided for that child while he was in their home. Maybe once in a while a family could be publically acknowledged in a county/agency newletter for an area of expertise or special strength (i.e. "The Jackson family has completed many hours of training in the area of fetal alcohol exposure and have provided excellent care for many children with FAS/FAE in their years as foster parents. We, at the county/agency, thank them for their committment to children!"~This would also serve as a tool to promote mentorship among foster families and a less experienced family that is struggling would have an idea of who to call for support/advice.) I realize that many caseworkers are also feeling unappreciated and many experience burnout, but the foster parent is the one directly caring for the children...providing support and encouragement at that level directly affects the children being cared for.

[alicia hunter]

I totally agree with you. In Nov. I sent a child home after 6 months living with me. It was a very hard case and I was constantly running this child to dr. appointments, as she had some serious problems due to abuse, or to a visitation that was scheduled at the drop of a hat. I was always just told at the last minute to be here at this time. After 6 weeks I called to see how she was doing with bmom. The answer was "Oh she is doing good." That was it. After all of that work I did not get any update on how she was until I had to call and no specifics- just "She's doing good." How generic is that!!! And I certainly did not get a thank you, just a nasty phone call each time the bmom called sw to gripe about anything and everything she could think of. It is true foster parents need more appreciation because this is hard work and it is emotionally draining. A little appreciation would go a long way in boosting morale and could help people keep doing it. Also, you had mentioned calls to see how foster parents are doing after a child goes home. Why don't they do that; it is a very hard time for foster families.

Wow! I feel better now. Thanks for this opportunity to vent.

[riley6]

I have "worked" with five counties. Only one, in the five plus years that I have been a fm has a sw written me and thanked me. I had a child for nine weeks and was head over heals for her. The sw knew how hard it was going to be to lose her, but her mom had worked very had and the little girl wanted to go home. It was bitter sweet for me.

A week after M left, I got a card from the sw thanking me for all the hard work I had put into loving M and that the dept was fortunate to have such a compassionate fp. I was touched!

I had another child nine months. A 12 yo wild child. Not only did the county NOT thank me, but because I had asked to have the child removed from our home for safety reasons, I was blackballed by that county. Too bad for them!

I have had over 20 kids in my home. I get tired of hearing that the sw's are underpaid and overworked. What are WE? Yes, DCFS has to deal with the judges and bios and caseplans and all the other stuff that goes with this, but don't we also? Don't we do this 24/7? How many nights are we up with a crying child? How many days of work do we miss cuz we have to go pick up a raging child from school? How much time do we spend in court just in case someone wants to hear about the child?

We do get an appreciation dinner once a year. It's nice, but a card or call once in a while thanking us and asking how we're doing would be a lot nicer.

[alicia hunter]

And about those appreciation dinners- yeah, they are nice, but HELLO we have to find and pay for a sitter in order to be appreciated?! Can't they get on site child care too?

[Barksum]

A group of caseworkers and foster parents are working on this at our local agency.

The caseworkers are wanting to help refurbish a foster parent group, and are wondering what is needed and how to go about it. Encompassed in that is how to make sure that foster parents feel appreciated and not taken for granted.

It is difficult to get out one night a month for a support meeting. Arranging child care, transportation time in our rural area with foster parents coming from as far away as 30 miles, etc., etc. have caused us to have to really put our heads together to come up with some creative ideas. (Any ideas out there, BTW?? LOL) We're still working on the tiniest steps to get to some goals, but it's a start.

I've received two thank you notes from agency staff. It was VERY unexpected, but much appreciated. How thoughtful! I also wonder if caseworkers feel the same way at times...taken for granted and unappreciated. "That foster mom was on the phone with me every single day for 6 months and so did the biological family! And not one word of thanks! We sure get taken for granted, just because "it's our job"." So...I have this fantasy (that I might just manage to make a reality) that I do something nice for our caseworker. Hasn't happened yet, but it's in the inception stages.

[cheyenne1]

I don't know about all of you but sometimes with some children I feel like a glorified babysitter without the pay. My opinion doesn't matter.

On the good side my agency does supply babysitting with training for foster and bio children.

[alicia hunter]

Well, I don't know about the glorified part. I am usually made to feel like a taxi driver or just plain dirt. It is just my job to dress them feed them and have them wherever DFS wants them at the drop of a hat.

[mckenna]

i think it depends on the child's sw. that is why i don't believe the over worked underpaid theory. why, then can some social workers have their act together, be appreciative and respectful while other don't give you the time of day or are just plain rude. i think it comes down to work ethic. some people have it and others don't. my sister worked for dfs as a sw for 4 years, she was always finding clothes to fit kids that were just placed in the system, one child would only go to the dr if she took her, so she made time for that. she always found ways to get her kids families (foster or biological) "adopted" at christmas time. she had the same case load and number of hours as everyone else, but she prioritized and did her job well.

as far as support groups go, i don't live in a rural area but i attend a church sposered support group monthly. we meet on the 3rd fri of every month. it is a pot luck supper and the kids eat with us and then the facilitator gets a volunteer group to watch the kids for the last 1 1/2 hours and we have a speaker or topic of discussion surrounding foster/adoption. it is great. you get to spend time with families formed like yours and you get some adult time to discuss topics important to you.

[riley6]

Something else our really good department does:

Give us movie tickets once a year for each member of our family.

Throws a roller skating party for the families at Halloween and provides pizza and drinks for dinner.

Has a dinner at Chuck E Cheese and gives tokens to the kids and pizza for the families.

Sends us a box of candy for Christmas and puts our kids on a list to help us with Christmas presents.

They also show us appreciation by promptly returning our phone calls (showing that they respect OUR time).

They also provide us with a support group so that we can network with other families and provide support to each other. They take care of our kids while we chat over coffee, danish, and fruit which they provide.

[Hannah's Mommy]

Our agency sux. They do nothing for the whole family. At christmas time the foster kids get tons of presents so many I thought it carried away. But they dont reconize thier parents and they really dont listen to us.

I had a syb group in my home for 7 days we adored them . grandma took custody of them and she emails me all the time to tell me how they are doing and thanks me for taking care of them. That social worker was upset with us cuz we voiced an opinion that we felt they had only been in our home two days and to start visits right way like that was too soon. The kids were 1 and 3 and we thought because they were so scared they should have a chance to trust us before getting shuffled around. We werent against the visits we just thought it was too soon. Instead of just trying to understand where our concerns were coming from she decided to write us up. I said oh thats rediculious.

WE now have four in our home. the workers are different and they are ok they are just slow moving about everything and they have no words of wisdom.

I think sometimes they forget how much as a parent we do. and how much we need thier support and help.

[Gryph]

We get e recognition letter every May, Foster Care Month, Whoppee.

What is good is that thnk yous from the social workers. Right now we have a serious sex offending teenager. No group home and very few treatment places would touch him. We can control him but it is very hard. It's living with someone who we teach children how to avoid. He's temporary, waiting for a bed at a place that specializes these kids. We get lots of thanks now, even from the judge.

I would remind people that it's atwo-way street. thanking social workers helps the relationship. I always try to end each contact with a thank you, even with the blithering idiot who I know will not do anything he promised.

[Hannah's Mommy]

oh, I have...I made cookies, baught the SW birthday presents, I thank them all the time...They just dont realize what its like ....and they are only at one end of it. you know?

[sammiesosa]

i havnt been in any good foster homes~~ therefor i didnt show any support to them~~ even though my last one the fm was great!! but the ff was rapping me~~ i couldnt deal with it so when i was adopted i never called the fm while she was great her husband took away her linsces to be a fm and it was my fault~~ what a way to pay her back!~~

[Hannah's Mommy]

I am not sure how to reply to this. Other than it probably wasnt your fault. I dont blame the kids for thier problems I blame the parents. My kids are a reflection me and the way I have raised them. If you raise kids to be kind and loving they will grow up to be kind and loving people. If you ignore them and have them raise themselves then they grow up with the screw you attitude and rightly so. I blame the system for the troubles kids have and I blame the parents. My kids act up in school and I am the one apologizing. I am embarrassed for my kids behavior. I feel like I let them down because I missed something.

that is my job as a mom is to do the best I can and do it with love and kindness. Now I have been told that I am too hard on the kids but I try ( honestly I do) not to be. But there are certain things that I wont put up with. You know like being talked back to or lied too.

I wish there was some way I could help you. YOu like the people who adoped you?

[sammiesosa]

i am fine now... but i do want to say that it is great that there are good foster parents out there still... i just had bad luck but i guess i am fine now... im adopted...um yea thats all i guess i can say but thank you