[ncmtnmommy]

In searching for a place to turn to for friendship, understanding and advice during our adoption quest, I found this message board. I hope you have room for me! I'm currently a SAH-school mom to 4 biological children (16, 14, 10, 4). I have been married to my best friend for almost 18 years. It's been a dream of ours to adopt a large sibling group from the foster care system so they might be kept together and have a family to call their very own. We live in the mountains of North Carolina, relocating from our home-state of Indiana in 2002. We bought a 3-story 6-bedroom 4-bath home in July and have found where we want to live forever. We feel like we are in a great position to begin the process toward adoption. I finally was able to speak with a lady today that is going to start helping us fulfill our dream. She is with a private agency that places foster children in adoptive homes here in NC. She said we will be ready to begin looking for children to find our match in about 3-4 months. I haven't been involved in a message board since I was on bedrest with my son in 1999, but I know how beneficial they can be. I have so many questions about being an adoptive mom and being the mother to such a large family (we are considering a sibling group of 5 for a total of 11 family members). There are just many things that I want to sort through and figure out over the coming months. I don't really have anyone in real life to turn to about these things specifically, so I would love to be a very active part of the forum here. Thanks so much for reading my story. I would love to hear who you are and hear your stories as well since I really don't know where to being reading to get to know you all! Hugs and best wishes!

[jodyk]

Welcome aboard to the board!

I'm a single foster mother of a 28 month old boy. He is my first foster child, but I've had him twice. (First, from 7 months old - 16 months old, then again from 20 months old - present.) His status has changed a few times: at first, he was supposed to be a permanent court ward, but they ended up changing the plan to reunification & he went home for 4 months. When he came back into care, the original plan was reunification again, but it has since changed back to permanent custody. So, I have no idea what will really happen. If he becomes available for adoption, I fully intend to adopt him, as I have grown to love and care about him with all of my heart and soul, and he fits perfectly into my family.

There's also an adoption section to this website that you might want to check out.

Best of luck to you, & nice to meet you.

[willowhawk]

hello ncmtnmommy....I am the mother of a large family...9 in all...my youngest 5 being adopted...I adoptd 2 brothers, then a brother and sister and last but not least..their baby brother....it has been a wonderful rollercoaster of love and emotions...feel free to send me an email and ask whatever questions you may want to...best of luck adding to your family....Cindy

[denise65fl]

I am glad to see I'm not alone. I have 6 bio children and looking to adopt. I haven't quite figured it all out. My dh is a pharmacist and we own our pharmacy and also live in a large home. I know this is a good thing and I am excited about the possibilities. I am just waiting for God to point me in the right direction. Any suggestions. I think alot of people don't understand. People say you have such beautiful kids why don't you just have another baby, or why do you want another kid? My friends seem to think I would be a perfect person to do this and my husband is awesome. My children range in age from 19 and away in college to 2 and still in diapers. We have been extremely blessed and we would love to share our lives. No matter how many kids you have it doesn't seem like alot when their yours. I am tying to make smart decisions but it is hard their seems to be so many risks I would love to hear more of your stories.
Denise

[willowhawk]

Denise...feel free to send me an email also....it's nice to know there are other people out there who want and enjoy large families. Some people thought I was crazy, my bio kids were 14, 17, 18, and 23. Why should I need more. Those closest to me, said they were not surprised. Adoption was always something I had talked about. Good luck to you and your family, adoption is "awesome"....

[hope4kids]

Welcome to the board! I am a single mother to two girls ages 2 and 5. I have managed to be a SAH mom and homeschool. I am licensed for three and eagerly awaiting a third. I absoluyely love what I do and feel as if I am living my dream. The challenges have been more than I have ever anticipated, but the rewards have been too. Now that I am with an excellent agency, the challenges are not consuming. I planned on only fostering, but have adopted. I planned on only one child, but have had up to three at a time. I planned on not taking kids with special needs, but both of mine have FAS and my baby is medically fragile. I would do it all again in a heartbeat. I am glad you found this site and look forward to reading your posts as you move towards your dream.

[MamaJem]

Hi,

I'm a newby myself with 1 bio and 1 adopted (12, 4). We are also seeking a sib group. (I just found one with six kiddos!) We are in the search process right now and started last December with paperwork, training and then some foster care mixed in. The only roadblock we keep coming to is some of the children's caseworkers want families who have no other children in the home or the youngest of ours to be 3 years older than the oldest we are adopting. That would mean the oldest sibling would be one.

We are looking forward to that fantastic day when we are chosen! Our 4YO has a genetic disorder that has caused multiple special needs. We adore her and are so blessed to have been chosen for her. We are ready to go again!

Excited to hear about your journey,

[ncmtnmommy]

I am so excited by all of your replies!!!

jodyk, I hope that everything works out for that precious little boy you have so lovingly taken care of. Of course, my biggest hope is that someday you'll be his mommy forever. Thanks so much for pointing me to the adoption board. I posted on the NC adoption section to see if I could find some answers/support there.

Cindy, I started working on an email to you last night but got interrupted, so I'll try to finish it here in a little while. I am so looking forward to your friendship and support!

Denise, I'm tickled to hear your story since ours are just so very similar! I totally agree with you in that I too know that this would be a good thing even though I don't quite have it all figured out! haha My husband, children, and myself are all very excited about the possibilities. Like you, we want to share our lives with a group of children in need. Isn't it amazing how many people key in on all the negatives and seem to frown when you mention it? I get the "You already have 4 beautiful well-behaved children...do you really want to mess things up?" Then, sometimes I get to thinking about the risks that DO exist and I'm like, gosh, will we truly mess things up if we go through with this?! I really look forward to talking to you a lot more! Please keep me posted on your search.

hope4kids, It warms my heart to read your story. I feel so fortunate to have you all who are so experienced with all of this to turn to!

MamaJem, I'm glad to see that you are considering a large sibling group like ourselves. I really worry about the stumbling blocks you talk about. Our hope is to at least find siblings that are the same age/gender as our 5 year old son and our 11 year old daughter. They really want companionship with a sibling their age if we adopt. I've worried that when the SW's find out we have 4 children and would like to adopt 2-6 more, they will feel like we are already spread thin and will not match us. I hope that is not the case!

Thanks so much for all of your replies. We are waiting for some paperwork to arrive in the mail before we actually get to meet the lady that is going to help us, so of course we are waiting on pins and needles here! One of the things I keep telling myself is that patience will be one of the keys to getting through this! haha I have more I'd love to talk about and will try to find the time soon to start those discussions. {{{Hugs}}} to you all!

P.S. That's my littlest one's footie in the photo that I'm using! One of my favorite pictures in the whole wide world!

[MamaJem]

Just to clarify, when I said LAST December I meant 2002 *gulp*. I know they told me it would be a long time but because we have been through this before I fooled myself into thinking it would be faster. I just hate that there are so many waiting kiddos and our home is ready and waiting...

It use to break my heart to go places ans watch my DD go on rides by her self. While we still had the foster children, I made sure that we went on the local pony cart rides with them. I still have the picture in my mind of her riding quietly around the loop by herself and it hurt so much that I couldn't give her someone to share that with.

I think its important for caseworkers to realize that larger families learn to help eachother out. There is more love to spread around, not less. I have a friend with ten extremely well adjusted children who are growing up to be incredible young adults.

Best wishes to everyone here...

[HappyMomAnna]

MamaJem---I see you on the Oregon threads but cannot remember if you are actually in Oregon or not---but, we were told and know several families who want larger numbers of children that Oregon will not place any more then eight children in one home at a time--counting bios.

Due to the big family in Central Oregon who adopted something like 26 and went on 60-mins then a few years later it all fell a part and Oregon made a new rule--No more then 8 children in one home at a time.

I think it is sad that limits have been made--those of you who can handle a large family make me feel pretty pathetic when I feel like I can't handle two at a time! I don't know how you do it? but, I see large families all the time and have to wonder--Maybe that is why God shut down my plumbing knowing that two would be my limit at one time! When I was young I always wanted many children--10 or more even. I was devastated that in the old days I would have been one of the mothers who didn't survive childbirth.....I had always wanted to be a pioneer mom in the 1800's like the Walton's.

I am really sorry that your process has taken over a year--we were told they move much slower on placing more then one child due to the fact that the highest rates for disruption come with sibling groups....The state is very careful to be sure the match for each of the siblings is a good one right now Oregon is working hard to keep our disruption rate below 6% which is still very high if you ask me---I am glad however that Oregon also does everything possible to keep siblings together I wouldn't have it any other way.

Anyway--sorry to but in here and as I said I resect and admire those of you who are willing and able to raise a large family.

[mommy2three]

Hi Everyone,

I am also fairly new here. I have three bio kids are we are looking to adopt a child or children in the foster care system.

I came across a post earlier today that mentioned a website you might find interesting. It is www.lafter.org. It stands for Large Adoptive Families Together. I looked at it and found some interesting things.

www.lafter.org

First of all, I heard they had a menu for large families and grocery lists for 6 weeks of food? I haven't looked at that yet, but since most of you have large families on this post, you might be interested.

Good luck everyone!

mommy2three