[Michellemomof5]

I was wondering if any of the adopted Mom's have noticed that their child for no reason at all may struggle with the seasons or time of year?

In the past couple weeks our 13 adopted son has been struggling. Not himself at all. I always have to remind myself when he shows a behavior to give him some slack because he is such a good kid that when he does show a behavior it is such a shock.

I recently talked with our adoption worker who I am still very close to about the behaviors and sought out to hear from her what she thought. She reminded me that in November he was removed from his birth home, October the TPR was completed, and the following November he disrupted from his first foster home and moved in with us.

We live in North Dakota where the seasons are very extreme. Summer turns to -30 pretty quick. I am pretty sure that he does not remember the months, but he does associate winter coming with the trauma he has had in his life. It sure helped us to process his feelings with him knowing the causes.

I thought that I would share that with you all, in case any of you have these hard unexplainned behaviors.

Michelle
(Mom of 6 now)

[HappyMomAnna]

I think it is normal and to be expected that our older children will have 'emotional' times especially at special times of the year...... As surprising as it is when we do see these up's and down's it is also a very positive sign that our children are processing normally.It would be far more concerning if our children marked important dates--or seasons without memories from prior lives.

The more alarming thing would be for your son to glide right through these memory dates and not show any sign of past pain--or feelings....this would mean he is stuffing his feelings. Our children often have a hard time around their birthdays, and if they are old enough to remember the 'date' of big events these dates will come back---even if they are directly connected in our children's minds..... denial of this story of his life is a big red-flag for even more difficulty in his future.

These times of the year give you an opportunity to open the door with conversation. Even if he is not aware he is 'acting' differently he may be noticing he is feeling differently and more emotional and not know what to do with his feelings.....You have a chance to open the door for him and create a stronger bond with him. A simple comment like, 'wow--it has been XX years (months or days) since this happened..... I bet you are remembering some of that stuff--do you want to talk about it?'

Some of our older children do remember more then we think and don't always want to talk about how they are feeling......they don't want to hurt us or bring up anything they fear might make us upset---but, the best thing is to let them get these feelings expressed.....especially, since he did have a disrution--I am sure there is a small inside voice that tells him to be very careful with you and his relationship.....

At his age too children have a harder time talking about feelings and often think they are all alone.....just being a vioce of love and compassion can help a long way......

[glk]

Our oldest son used to have a really hard time between Thanksgiving & March. He was moved 3 years in a row (ages 4, 5 & 6) in January or February so in his mind Christmas meant moving. It got better after several yeas but it was close to 10 years before it 'faded away'. For those 3 months he really struggled, and most of his worst outbreaks would happen then. After he learned that he was not going to be moving again it got easier for all of us, but it took him a long time to figure out that we were in it with him for the long haul!

Good luck, and don't be suprised next year if it happens again.

[lucyjoy]

Sensory triggers can be very powerful and the kids aren't always aware what is triggering their emotions.

Most of my kids associated the holidays with drunkeness, fights, drugs, and mom disappeaing for days at a time. While we're experiencing the joy of family togetherness, they're having trauma flashbacks. One of my kids was removed from his birthfamily on Christmas day after a very abusive episode.

While we work on creating healthy memories, we are keenly aware of the trauma flashbacks. Be careful, though, not to let them get away with stuff as it's not o'kay to use their past to excuse bad choices in the present. Just being more sensitive to the feelings helps.