[michelleb]

I was talking to my mom about being so excited to start this ministry of foster care and she asked me - "Well, if you are taking little ones, you will have them when they start talking - will they call you Mama? How can you not let them when your bio chilrden call you that?"
I said that I couldn't imagine "not letting" them call me Mama. But how do you chandle that? Does it confuse them? Is it a good thing to do that?

****Also, what about travelling? Can you take them on family trips? We have family out-of-state that we visit quite often at times...how does that work?!
Thanks for your answers!!
Michelle

[stepforone]

Most of us let the children call us whatever they are comfortable with. We may start out as 'Ms Jean' and then Mommy Jean and eventually the kids will work it out and call us Mommy. Other fp feel that they should always be addressed as "Ms.". When you are taking infants it is very hard not to say 'come to Mommy' or 'look, daddy's coming home' when you are talking to them. And I think it is good that they see their 24-hour caretaker as mommy and not some stranger. When they go home they will work it out for themselves and see that they have a new mommy. My 3 yo fd took about a month before she called us mommy and daddy. It was her idea and we didn't prompt at all. She didn't seem confused at all, I was her 'this' mommy and the other was her 'old' mommy. Her words.

I think all states are the same that you can take kids out of state with the permission of the court. Without their permission (you get it through your cw and she gets it from the judge) you can not cross the state line even for lunch. We can take them anywhere in the state for up to 72 hours without permission. But they do like to have a number we can be reached at.

What age are you thinking of taking? I think all the foster parents I know around my area are called mom and dad by their kids, it makes it easier at school and in public without having to explain why you call this person 'Ms.' or 'Aunt' but you live with them.

[michelleb]

I always get such GREAT feedback here!
Thank you for all your advice and answers to my questions!!

[hope4kids]

I have always been told that I can cross the state line as long as we don't stay overnight there. The only thing that could be a problem with that is if they need emergency medical care - other states don't always accept medical cards from another state or know how to get consent to treat the child.

[toyjsu]

Here in VA as long as we give notice that we are leaving the state it is fine. They encourage you to take the foster children on vacation with you if that is possible. It gives the child a feeling of belonging. If there is an emergency that requires you to go to the hospital, it is considered implied consent. The hospitals will almost always treat a child under "implied" consent. You just have to turn in all of the paperwork to sw upon your return. Remember "document, document, document".

[HappyMomAnna]

I have friends who have fostered and each family has a differen't attitude about the names the children call them..... One of my friends has the foster children call them "Mama Linda, and Daddy Glenn." other families could care less about the terms..... I think it depends on your family and what you want--how long the children will be there and if there are other children who call you mama and daddy.........I think most of these children need to feel like they are a part of the family they are in while they are there. Our daughter refers to her former foster parents by thier first names, and It did actually make it difficult for us to have her stop calling us by our first names and even now once in awhile she will ask me, 'when is Andy getting home?'

As for travel this past summer we left the state for two weeks with our children (until adoption is final we are Foster Parents) and we had to submit an itinerary with the addresses, phone numbers and places we would be staying....the dates of travel, method of travel and proof of insurance etc..... We had to submit our request to travel at least 30-days in advance and then we recieved a "permission to travel" letter from DHS and were asked to keep it on us, and on each child while we were out of state.....
I made several copies and kept them in the car and at each place we stayed I just kept it handy...... In the even of an evacuation from the Hotel the paper was on the night table. At Disneyland we kept a copy of the permission to travel in our daughters 'fanny pack' and another in the stroller.....just in case we were seperated.

The only real limitation we had was two-weeks and we were also advised that in the event of a medical emergency we might end up having to pay a bill if our states insurance was not accepted. We were also asked to keep our cell phone on and charged the whole trip in the event the state needed to contact us.

It was a lot of red-tape but we were glad we could do it.

My husband crosses state lines everyday to work. Last year on 'take you child to work day' we needed to have permission to take her out of state. But, because we live on the Boarder of two states we were given a 'blanket' permission to cross lines letter for the duration of the time they live in our home as Foster Children...... It is too easy to accidentally drive over the state line without even thinking about it.....so most families in our area are given this letter when the children are placed.

[kodie]

Our first f-s (8) has called us mom and daddy since the first week .But he don't see his parents.Then we have twin (5) for 2-weks so far and they call us by our first name,but we know the mom so it better that way.As far as vacation we took our fs(8) out of the country this summer we had a letter signed by the judge.But this was in Michigan

[sharkey]

In CA it is the judge that gives permission for traveling out of state (in my county anyway). The fparents submit a request to the cw then permission is sought from the bioparents and each of their attorneys and the child's attorney. They do sometimes grant permission even if the bios say no. My fs bmom and her attorney said no but permission was granted anyway since it was determined fs was bonded to me and shouldn't be put in respite. However, bmom got mad and reported me for "lack of supervision" and the the ensuing investigation was sure a pain in the rear-end. One of my current fsons is a long-term placement and the cw only needs to notify the attorney.

My fkids all call me by my first name which works best because I see their bios every week and have supervised many visits. Since we're working on reunification, this seems to work best to have the bio remain "mommy". It's made a little easier by the fact that I don't have biokids. My fs who is long-term calls me by my first name sometimes and "mom" other times (his choice) even though he sees bmom weekly. I always introduce myself as their mom to those who do not know us so they won't feel different otherwise I just say "this is (their name)".