[momplusfive]

Well after many tears and LOTS of prayers we decided to disrupt our adoptive placement. Our family dynamics were falling apart. No one was ever happy anymore. I was always grumpy and on edge and my other children in the home could feel it. I wish we had not dragged out the process for so long. Our adoptive placement had been with us for 9 months. A little 2 year old boy whom we have many memories with. I know I will never forget him. Although he had some behavioral problems due to history he was a very loving and sweet little boy. I will pray every night that he finds his forever home. I had to many kids close in age to give him what he really needed. This has been the most difficult time in my life. I have never hurt so bad inside. My husband broke down as they took our little boy away and I have had many days and nights in tears the past week. We kept trying to make it work and that's why it was 9 months before we realized it just wasn't meant to be for our family. We strongly believe this little boy has FAS and have read alot about it. With so many young kids in our home and looking into our future A or B we decided we couldn't take the risk. I've learned alot through all of this and learned my limits. Please pray for the little boy that left our home and that his forever home will be found soon. My heart aches.(he went back to his foster home he lived there 0-18months old)

[Holly5]

I am so sorry to hear of your sadness. We just recently disrupted an adoptive placement of a 13 year old boy, so I know what kind of pain you must be feeling. (((HUGS)))

[Jensboys]

I am so sorry for you and especially for that little boy. I am sure this was a decision that will go with both of you for life and didnt come without much thought.

Will his foster parents consider adopting him?

How come after 9 months the adoption wasnt finalized yet? How are your other children handling the loss of a sibling? Do they understand that they arent moving too?

[momplusfive]

I wish his foster mom would consider since she had him most of his life, besides the time he's been with us. I miss him so much. It was a very carefully thought out and prayerful decision. I worry about my kids and have been trying to give them alot of extra attention. We have explained to them that they will never leave us and we will always be together, but it's hard to know what is going on in their little minds. Please pray for our family and "G".

[dadfor2]

to momplusfive

i will pray for that little boy and your family to get beyond the hurt that you feel.

we two have discussed long hours of disrupting our pre adoptive child, but we do still have his brother living in our home. we decided to get him in a residential program so hopfully he can deal with some of his past issues where he could not do it in our home and then slowly transition back if it will actually help.

I do know the pain of seeing a child that is just so hurt and you cant do enough to make that child not hurt anymore, but then you get all those wonderful behaviors.

The whole family comes first,, and for us, we had to have him leave, he was abusing us and his younger brother.

I visit him everyday, and i cry as i wave bye to him from the treatment faciltys window. We did not have any other choice, as im sure you both did not have any choice either. 9 mo's is long enough to know it just isnt going to work.

I will pray that your son will find a forever home where he is the only child in the house. I do think some of these kids do better being the only child.

to jensboys, i know we can adopt our son, both of them, but we are choosing not too write now. One reason, if we do adopt, we lose alot of services the older child is eligible for. WE dont want to take the chance right now.

plus, in our case, with the little guy, i dont think adopting one brother without the other would help with the older childs self estemm. We are going to wait to see how this all pans out first. I would advise on any family that is not sure, to not legally adopt.

again, i am so sorry for your pain, I know the pain it causes me just knowing my son is in a residential home, but who knows, in about 6 months, they will tell us if living with his brother is just too much and we will have to disrupt also,which if we have to do, then we have to do.

give all your kids a big hug tonight and tell them how much you love them

take care of each other
dadfor2

I feel your pain...all of you. As I have posted before..I have an adoption "on hold" for a little boy I love, whose behaviors outwit and outweigh me at times. It helps to know others are in the same situation and dealing with such angst. I have recently found "www.thelittleprince.org" which I am finding helpful in dealing with RAD. Good luck to you all.

[Boyzntoyz]

I too, disrupted adoptive placement of two older boys (brothers) after about nine months. The other children in our family were being abused and we had to make that painful choice. I am truly sorry for what you are going through and I will send you positive thoughts daily. It has been almost five years since we disrupted. I still think of them often but the pain of it all has faded to a dull ache. Happily the rest of the family seemed to bounce back fairly quickly and carry no ill-effects from the nine months we lived in our own home as P.O.W.s. The hardest part for me was not being able to follow their progress after they left our home and the feeling that our agency had turned on us for making the decision. I hope for you that your agency continues to be supportive of your family. If not, I truly recommend you seek comfort elsewhere as it is very important. I provided respite care to other foster parents going through the same thing for several years to give back to the families that helped me with respite care during my trials. That was a blessing.