[miadoption]

DH and I just received a call from our agency stating that a sibling group of 3 is available for placement, and they would like us to take them. The agency feels that these children will probably be available for adoption very soon because the judge has order paperwork to be filed to terminate parental rights. DH and I made it very clear that we want to adopt, and therefore, will only consider placements that are available for adoption.

So here is the problem - I am terrified! We have never been parents before! I don't know how to handle 3 children. The oldest child will be 3 in Jan. The middle child will be 2 in Dec. And the youngest child is 1 week old (newborn). All appear to be age-appropriate and show no signs of mental or physical challenges. They are with a foster care family currently (removed from birthparents due to neglect).

To make matters even more interesting - my parents just moved in with us because they are remodeling their home. They will be living with us for the next 8 months! Am I crazy for considering this placement? Is this just going to be to much for me to handle? Honestly, I would really appreciate some advice from you other foster parents out there.

Also, I just began reading a book about Attachment in Adoption, and I am even more concerned now that these children will have severe attachment issues. Is it typical for children in these situations to have attachment issues? If so, how do we overcome them? This book makes it sound like it will take years of counseling to teach these children to attach to us and feel safe.

Again, any advice you can offer would be so helpful!
Thank you!!

[Pblair]

Can you look at this as having extra hands to help? I know your husband and you should be the main caretakers to promote bonding but with 3 new babies those extra hands might be a Godsend!
Good luck on whatever decision you come to!
Pat

[mamakimberly]

Personally, I would do it in a heartbeat.

Those kids NEED someone like you. The fact that you have no other kids means you can devote yourself wholly to them.

The fact that your parents are there is awesome! It's an extra helping hand

You are going to be taking a risk, of course, but ANY foster/adopt situation is a risk.

Let us know what you decide.

Kimberly

P.S. Having their siblings with them can help promote healthy bonding and attachments.

[misskittty]

How exciting!!!! I can understand your fear....it WILL be overwhelming to say the least. However, now might be the best time in the world, especially since your folks will be there. I bet they would love to pitch in and help..weill keep them very busy and make them feel valuable and not like they are incringing on your space. I would JUMP at the chance to get children in these age groups...it doesn't come along often. The fact that they don't seem to have any obvious major problems is a good sign. You may or may not have bonding/RAD issues..I would certainly ask the CW about that and see if you can talk with the foster family. If they do exhibit signs of RAD, there are so many excellent books, support groups, etc to help you. It won't be easy but if you know what to do, and realize that it takes a totally different style of parenting, you will be way ahead of the game.

Best of luck to all of you....can't wait to hear how it turns out!

Linda M in VA

[miadoption]

Thank you all for your support! We are going to do it!!
I am thrilled and terrified all at the same time. I am new to this bulletin board, but I will be visiting it regularly now.

Thank you again for the advice and the encouragement. Many things have miraculously fallen into place this past week, and it is becoming very evident that we were meant to do this! God had plans for us - boy does he ever.

We will be receiving the children this weekend. Does anyone have any advice about how to ease their transition into our home and make them feel safe and protected? Also, any advice on how to introduce their new baby brother? So many adjustments for these little ones. I don't want to overwhelm them too much.

Thank you all again.

[hope4kids]

My advice would be to guard your schedule as much as possible. You will be busy with initial doctor appointments and the like. But I would try to spend at least several days at home as much as possible. Maybe, if it is warm enough, venture out to a small park that is not too crowded. I would limit the visitors initially. They have enough new faces to get used to. I like to plan quick child friendly meals for at least the first week and use paper plates. That way I have more time with the kids and less time cooking and cleaning. I usually get McDonald's for thier first meal because almost all kids seem to know it and like it. Have fun with these little ones! I was thinking about you today, and I must say I was a bit envious! I would love a call for a group like this one .

[Love_um_all]

good for you. Trust comes in time, so try to be fun at first. Disappointment can come when we expect too much to soon. You don't know just how great this is gonna be!!!! I would not fear, kids are still kids, and these ages are gonna blend into your family very quickly. They need you to love them and play with them at first and slowly a routine will work itself out. You also do not realize the benifit of having your parents there. It will help them to bond with the children, and that meaning, if and when things may get sticky, they will care enough to want to give you a night off. I don't really have much help, so, count yourself blessed. This is an awsome opportunity! Just remember they are kids, they want to trust, they want to laugh, (and that is the best thing for them), they want to love and be loved. You love them first- then it will come back, 100 fold, I promise... let me know how it goes

[kcurran]

GO FOR IT! And what an extra blessing to have your parents to help with the adjustment period. Just make sure that you are doing the majority of the feeding and changing to ensure that you bond with them.

Good luck and Merry Christmas