[cj416]

Do ever feel like no matter what you say on here someone attacks you? It is very easy to read to much into something and misunderstand it. When reading it is hard to tell what someone is really feeling. When you talk to someone you can see their face and hear their tone, but on here it is all how YOU read it. I feel people are so quick to judge, then they attack the original poster.Then you also have the people who attack everyone, because they think they know everything about adoption. Even if they have adopted or have been adopted it is NOT possible for them to know about EVERY adoption situation.
I have had some really nice people respond and have made friends on here, but some people just ruin every post.
How does anyone know what someonoes tone was? SOmething can sound angry, when in reality it is saddness or even just someone speaking in normal tone.
All I ask is when you are reading a post before you go flying off the handle and taking someones head off, try to think of other ways someone could be menaing something.
And if you have not personally had a situation happen in your life, don't go telling someone they are wrong, because unless you lived it you don't know! No 2 lives or situations are the same...

[Wendi5000]

Yup, unfortunately that is one of the problems that comes with "enlarging" a community without adding visible moderators. But from experience on other sites, when you get a community this big, even the presence of active moderators probably wouldn't help much. I liked the old boards so much better. I posted nearly every day. I hardly come here because I don't like the format, I don't like the size of it, and I don't like the emphasis here on adoption. I liked the old boards because of their main focus being on fostering and because they were smaller, more of an actual community. The merger just doesn't make sense.

[JaelynElise]

ITA with the original post of this thread! I have been very active in online message boards of another subject for a year, and it is so true that it is easy to misconstrue someone's "tone" or intent in a post. Without seeing their faces or hearing their voice, one can never truly know what what "tone" was meant by a particular poster. I am so used to being misinterpreted (not on these boards b/c I don't know enough to provide advice to anyone... I just do the asking of the questions...lol), but on the other boards I have been on. I don't use very "chatty" verbage when I post... I am blunt and get to the point. People usually think I'm being "condescending" or using rude tone, but I don't mean it that way. It's all a matter of perception.

[BrandyHagz]

I agree, the lack of moderation on the forum is mostly to blame.

I've never been involved in a forum where there wasnt visable moderation, and active administration...and I admit, sometimes things on this forum amaze me.

I'm not sure how many moderators are utilized on the forum, I know that I have volunteered my time, and was advised that it wasnt needed.

I also agree that every adoption, and story, is different...attacking someone for having a differing opinion or story is sad...but it happens a lot.

[my3cmd]

ok....here goes.... i haven't been here long....and i haven't posted much.... but when i have it's been great.... the people seem very supportive and willing to help with whatever question or concern i have..... possibly you just need to find a thread that suits you better..... one that the same people post in and people that have the same general beliefs as you.....that way you wont hear anything that you don't want to.....or get your feelings hurt!.....

sorry, just had to add my 2 cents in favor of these boards and the majority of the people posting on them!!

[my3cmd]

me again! Ü i forgot something...... i have a friend who's hubby isn't great at communication..... their marriage is fine though because he told her once ...... " if i say something...and there are two ways you can take it.... take it the better way because that's the one i meant!".... meaning ......don't be so defensive....... tone is not really relative if you type something... most people just type what they mean! most don't tip toe around things.... so what if someone says something you don't like.... it's not like you're their neighbor or something.....just read it and go on.....surely someone will tell you what you want to hear!

ok usually i'm not this confrontational...... but this one just hit me for some reason..... sorry if i offend.... Ü

[BrandyHagz]

Six weeks ago or so, when this thread was initiated, there were issues on the forum with personal attacks, and even threats via private message and email.

All of those issues have now, for the most part, been resolved, and I believe the moderators and administration has done all they can do to make the community a safe and welcome place for everyone touched by adoption.

I’m glad you find the forums such a wonderful place for support and education, which is their intent…even if we don’t always agree! Adoption is an ever-changing wonderful thing, we all have differing experiences, that’s what makes the community work!

[my3cmd]

i totally agree with you!! i can best learn something from someone who has had different experiences than me! Ü

[SusanD60]

I think it is just human nature sometimes for SOME people to be on the defensive. Automatically find fault and judge. There is so many emotions floating about with the subject of adoption. One minute I am up and happy and then I hit a brick wall and I am depressed. But one quote just hit me that BrandyHagz posted.
It made me stop and think. I have been so caught up with finding my birthmother or someone from my birth family, I lost sight.
Like her quote said, "It takes more than blood... it takes people you care about." Thank you Brandy! You open my eyes. Yes, it would be nice to find her or any of them, but the most important is the people I have already! My daughters, husband, dad, (mom passed away), brothers, and so on. They have loved me and supported me my entire life. I guess I am just getting more sentimental since my birthday is coming up soon. This time of the year always seems a bit harder.
Susan 1-22-57 Chicago, Illinois