[Archive]

This message was originally posted by jnsearcy.

Hi,
New foster mom in North carolina would like to ask if anyone has to attend permancy placement board meetings.

My county DSS office has these meetings where I speak to the board about how the children are doing, then the parents speak to the board. I get to tell my side without the parents. My first meeting I left the room before the parents came in. I was very nervious.

Scared to let them know too much about me, scared that my emotions would show when they lied about not doing drug anymore, and scared that I would see that they realy wanted there babies back.

So now, the second meeting is comming up. I am full of self confidence. There babies now call me momma and the parents still have not got it together! Do I stay this time??? How does anyone else handle these meetings? The other foster parents in this county are spunky! They want to know all the details and realy are involved with the parents. I am starting to get stronger. Hey, if I can take these two into wall mart I can do anything!!

Please let me know!
Nina in North Carolina

[Archive]

This message was originally posted by Live2shop.

I relate on the trips to Wal Mart. I have to take little ones with me all the time. This is my experience-


My trip to Wal-Mart with my 3 year old son and 5 year old daughter-

*No you can't go outside to play right now, we need to go to Wal Mart to get diapers and toilet paper.

*Please don't run your fingers down the side of the truck.

*No you can't ride in the cargo area. And please get out of there and let me buckle you in. *because you have to be safe and I don't want a ticket from the policeman.

*Ok, you can take your feet off the back of my seat. *Yes, I know you're there, I haven't forgot.

*Quit pulling your sisters hair. Listen to her words, she doesn't like that. *And sister, please quit taking his toy away, you know that makes him scream.

*Please don't unbuckle yourself, wait for me to get you. Ok, out of the cargo area again. No, I don't need the interior lights on. *because it will drain my battery.

*Ok, no I'm sure the person who owns the Dodge doesn't need your fingerprints either. *Yes, I'm sure of it.

*No, we need to leave the gum on the ground. No I think we can manage without that penny too. *Because it's dirty and has germs.

*No, you can't ride on the bottom of the cart, you have to ride on top with the buckle. *Because you might hurt yourself. *Yes, it might happen and I want you to be safe.

*No candy now, I will let you have a special treat if you behave though.

*Please come out from under the clothes rack. *And please quit hiding my keys in the pockets of the women's pajamas.

*Please quit grabbing the things off the shelves. *Because I will pick out what we need.

*No, I will push the cart. *Ok, but for only a minute. *I'm sorry, my daughter didn't mean to ram you in the behind. *Be careful. *Ok, I will push now. *Because that stocker doesn't look to happy that he has to rebuild his toilet paper display you knocked down. *Because we need to hurry now.

*Yes, we are going home to eat in a minute. *No, we can't eat at McDonald's. *Because we have food at home. *I know you want a Happy Meal, but you better be happy with what I fix you!

*Ok, I guess we will buy the diapers you just pulled the wrapper off of. *No, it's not nice to leave the damaged one for someone else.

*No, you can't have a treat. *Because you did not behave. *Begging won't get you anywhere. *Neither will the tears.

*I need the things in the cart, don't throw them out. *Because we need them at home. *I know you are mad at me. Please quit.

*That's not nice to tell the cashier that she has a mustache. *Because it will hurt her feelings. *Ok, you said it anyway, now are you proud of yourself, you embarrassed her. *Because I said it wasn't nice. *Yes, I'm sure she did too know.

*Ok, where are my keys? *I guess it's back to women's pajamas.

*No, we are not buying Kettle Corn on our way out. *Ok, I said no to the gum and penny. *Keep your hand off the cars. *Get out off the cargo area and turn the lights off.

*No, No McDonald's. *I just said so, that's why.

*Feet out of my back. *Stop picking at your brother. *Because he doesn't like it. *No, you are not playing, you are picking at him.

*No, you can't go play outside yet. *Because you need to come eat lunch. No, you can't eat outside. *Because the dog will eat your food out of your hands.

*No, I'm not making the dogs a sandwhich too. *Because they don't like peanut butter. *Yes, they told me so. *I'm special, I know what dogs are thinking. *Yes, they will still take your sandwhich away.

*You're done. *No, you still cannot go outside and play. *Because you need to take a nap. *Yes, you do. Then you can go outside to play. *Because I said so.

*Go to the bathroom and wash up. *Because you have peanut butter and jelly all over you.

*No need to shout to me tattling through the door. *Yes, your brother will go to sleep if you would stop shouting that he isn't.

Ok, I get a short break. Then off to play outside.....

[Archive]

This message was originally posted by Nix Zoo.

That's the way! LOL You are the mom! LOL
I like the gum one, for sure! LOL

But THIS was my favorite! LOL.....

....*No, I'm not making the dogs a sandwhich too. *Because they don't like peanut butter. *Yes, they told me so. *I'm special, I know what dogs are thinking. *Yes, they will still take your sandwhich away. ...

Lonni, you had me rollin' with these, what a life we live, huh?
~N~

[Archive]

This message was originally posted by Live2shop.

Thanks...I'm glad it made you laugh. Life is soooo much more busy...life is also good... and life is always fun and I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Archive]

This message was originally posted by michelleepooh.

We also have permanency planning meetings here in Texas. We don't address a board though. Our meetings are more informal and it is more like a team meeting. Bio parents, attorneys, FP's, CW, supervisor, and CASA are all invited. We can also request that an invitation be sent to ped., therapist, etc.

I know they can be stressful. I try to state the facts and not let my emotion cloud my judgement. For instance, if children have behavior problems after visits then state that fact instead of "the children hate the visits and I don't think they should have to go."
I try to remain professional and not let it appear that I'm "taking sides" even if I dislike the bio parent and think that the child shouldn't go home.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes!

michelle

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This message was originally posted by Nix Zoo.

Sorry, I was laughing too hard about Lonni's reply to realize I did NOt answer any of your questions, sorry!!!!

I must be one of those spunky fosterparents. I go to every meeting, every court date, every school function & meeting.
Go, and stay, you will not be sorry. Nervous yor first time, yes. but you will feel so much better about going to your next one.
Our PRIDE teachers told us, "If you want to know what is going on, REALLY going on, with your kids' case...GO to EVERY meeting & EVERY court hearing". It was good advice.
Let us know what happens, & you go girl! LOL
Big cheesy grins from the monkeys in the Zoo.

(hehe, when I tried to write "spunky"...it came out 'skunky'! lol)

[Archive]

This message was originally posted by jnsearcy.

Thank you for the posts! I did stay in the meeting, I even had to wait in the lobby of DSS with the parents! Mom did not want to talk to me, turns out that after last weeks visit she heard the 3year old call me mommy twice!

Anyway, due to the fact that the parents are doing what is required they will start day visits in about two weeks. I know so much about the parents past that it is hard to belive that they are CHANGED PEOPLE? I can only hope and pray.

It was weird sitting in the meeting and hearing the father talk about being clean and how he did drugs in the past but never was addicted????

Tommorow I am taking a day off for me (morning rather-have to take the oldest to the dentist at 3pm) I feel guilty about leaving them at daycare, but I need to put a second coat of the wainscoating in the bathroom! Can not do that with these too!!!

Anyway, thanks again for the support.
Nina in North Carolina

[Archive]

This message was originally posted by debbie ann.

I too am a new foster parent, yet to have a child placed with me. My experience with the foster care system in my state comes from my grandson, his father my son, never married mom, mom endangered childs life with a fire in the home while she was passed out on the couch, thank God my grandson and she both survived with no complications. But my grandson was put into foster care because the state did not recognize my sons rights as a parent, fun fun. When asked my son admitted that both he and mom had been drug users, because of this they were both required to do drug rehab/counseling. My grandson was placed with his mother's parents as a kinship foster placement (mom hates me and made false abuse allegations against me) any way, every month they have a hearing that we attend and everyone has a say, except my experience is that the DFS worker really does not take the foster parents concerns into account, just want to reunify ASAP since state funds are limited!!! The meeting are hard to attend and listen to mom's & dad's state they are not doing drugs/alcohol when you know they are and their is nothing you can do. Good luck, try to stay focused on the goal of being a foster parent to provide and safe and loving home for children in need with the ultimate goal of reunification or termination of parental rights & adoption.