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This message was originally posted by jnsearcy.

My husband and I are infertal. We took the MAPP classes at our countys DSS office only to adopt. But we decided to Foster in hopes that we could adopt easier. We now have two siblings 22 months and 3 1/2. They are from our county so we have heard all the horror stories. NEGLECT,ABUSE,UNDEREMPLOYMENT,NO EMPLOYMENT, DRUG ABUSE. They were left to roam, no disapline unless it was a wack to the head. Both had earaches and upper resp. infections. Both parents smoke in the home and car. The baby has ashma probable due to the smoke, got better after he was in our home.(they cannot smoke during the visits so they swap out trips to smoke outside)

So, it is hard for me to pick them up after there visits and have to be in the same room as the parents. DSS tries to make it so the parents are already gone, but usually they are still there. The few times that I was around them the mom was nice ,but the dad was cool.

The mom heard that we wanted to adopt there children last weekand hit the roof. Any one that know us knows that we are in it to adopt and to knows that we love these children like there were our birth children. But reality, we cannot unless TPR is established.

Anyway, every day I say to myself: God gave me arms to hold these children, but he also gave there mom the same. If they get there lives in order that there place is with the parents.
Please let me know what you guys do! My husband does not know where I am comming from, he does not have to attend any meetings or pickups!
HELP!
NINA

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This message was originally posted by bigmamabear.

Sorry you have to go through this. We sound like we are in the same boat. We have a 4 month old in our care that the mom gave up her rights on, but the dad has not. We take the baby to visits every two weeks. It is hard to take him and hand him over each time. I don't know if the dad knows we want the child or not. We have no idea how long this will last. It tears us up to do the visits, but it is all part of foster/adopting. Until the courts decide where the baby will go we will have to continue the visits. My case worker thinks the dad will give up and quit having visits, he sure hasn't missed one yet. He doesn't work. He is on ssi so he has all the time in the world. Our case worker says he is unfit though. Good Luck
Rose

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This message was originally posted by Live2shop.

In our local office there is a back door to a room where you drop off and pick up the children. You never have to see the parents at all. It is great. According to the situation, I do not want them to know who I am. I am curious sometimes though.

bigmamabear-
Take what a social worker says to thought, but do not take it to heart. I hate it when they quote percentages (which our office does). It is unfair to everyone. Just recently I had a litttle guy and they told me it was 98 percent that he would become legally free and put him in an adoptive receiving home (we are looking for one more little boy). She said the parents were loosers and would never get their children back. She talked about the parents like they were just pond scum. Lack of professionalism. Needless to say, the judge gave the parents a long list of services to complete (they had 6 months to complete them). They had all 3 children back within one month. These were some folks that just needed a wake up call.

Another case-A foster mother had a little boy in her home that just turned 3. She had him since he was 3 months old. The mother's rights were terminated about 18 months later. They were within 2 weeks of having the adoption final when the dad showed up out of nowhere. He had a paternity test done-he was the dad. Then did some visits, home visits, then he was given to his dad. It didn't matter that he had nothing to do with him in the first 2 years while this foster family had him. I could not believe the judge let him play with peoples lives like that. This family had him for 3 years then forced to take him to these visits knowing he would most likely go to dad. It devastated her, and we all sympathized a great deal because this was the worst case we had ever seen with losing a foster child. But it goes to show you, social workers do not have the say in what happens to a child. The court does. They can speculate, but they have been wrong in a few of the ones I have had.