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This message was originally posted by samueljr4577.

I have posted on being a new single dad foster parent and have recieved so much support from everyone. I am posting my update and my new situation here because I have so much that has happend since I last posted.

Update:
I decided that I was not ready to adopt my first placement foster son. Currently he will be visiting with three different families who want to adopt him. I am helping him through this and being very patient and supportive through his emotional roller coaster of finding a place to call home. His social worker is allowing me to be part of his life always with weekend visits after he is adopted. The short time that I have had with him has formed a bond of father and son and I can trully say that I will always want to be part of his life. Although my extended family wanted me to adopt him I knew that I was not ready to make a lifelong commitment to this wonderful child. He deserves a permanant home and loving family. I know that I could of given him this but I also know that he would be better off with parents who are sure that they want him as their son. As a foster parent I knew that the decision to become a foster parent was no hesitation on my heart to do this. As an adoptive father for a child I have still an aprehensiveness to adopt because I personally feel I am not ready. So for now I am helping my son find his family and will be part of this every step of the way. In the meantime he is my son as long as he is im my home. In my heart he is my son and he knows this.

4/15/02
I was called by my agency to place a 7 year old caucassion male in my home. He has been in foster care since November 2001. He has multiple placements because of his behavior in school. He will not stay in the classroom and runs out of the room into a busy street or the park behind the school. For the past few weeks my agency worker has helped me by providing support to sit with my 7 year old in the classroom. This has been unsucessful leading to a 5150 case of my foster son putting himself and others indanger by throwing desks and chairs and banging his head on the wall. He has also threatend to kill himself several times. Just last night on 4/27/02 he was released from a mental health treatment center which he was admitted on friday 4/26/02. The therapist realeased him to me because of my dedication to this child. I have taken the next several weeks from work because my son can not attend school due to the principals request. Hopefully medication will help him and he will be able to return to school.

I am about to loose my job because of this situation I have not been able to be at work. I want to help him and will stay by his side but what do I do about my job?

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This message was originally posted by bacrone.

Sam,

Your emotions are taking over in a situation where it probably shouldn't. Obviously you have to keep your job, and from reading this post and the others about your entire situation, it seems you need to learn when you should emotionally separate yourself from your child. I know it seems hard to do, but if you were to look at it from my point of view, you would say to yourself "Don't quit your job, are you crazy?"

So, my advice, "Don't quit your job!" You want to help this child, but it sounds like you want to become the Therapist, Psychiatrist, Counselor, Father, all the while holding down your job as a teacher--and all this needs to be done in the next few days. Your dedication is to be noted, I'm impressed, but resolving these types of problems with your child takes a lot of people doing a lot of things correctly. No medication will be an immediate resolution, no one person will be able to help. You can play an important role in his recovery, but you can't (and shouldn't) be expected to do it yourself.

Check out this website: http://www.psychologynet.org/dsmaxis.html
This site will explain the mental illness most of these children have, what the signs and symptoms are, recommended treatments, etc. Research what is wrong with your child, make strong recommendations to the social worker, but most importantly, realize the magnatitude of the issue at hand.

Go back to the social worker, recommend that he get more services, tell her your job is in jeopardy and you can no longer allow that to happen. You have to look out for yourself first. Remember, if you don't have a job, I assume you are not independently wealthy, so therefore you may lose your house/apartment, and once that happens you lose your foster parenting certification.

Good luck, keep us posted...
- B

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This message was originally posted by Gwen.

There is a time to think more with your head than your heart. Much like me, you sound like you would sacrfice your world for these little ones. Sometimes that is a valuable asset. Yet, your love for these little ones should never sacrfice your world of security.
As much as we may not like to think about it, as a foster parent, these children are meant to stay with us a season. You need to be sure that when they are gone, you still have YOU. The person you are and the things that you enjoy!!!!!!!
Sacrfice is great but not at your own expense.
My best wishes always
Gwen

[Archive]

This message was originally posted by samueljr4577.

Bacrone and Gwen,
First I would like to thank Bacrone for the link to the site. It gave me a lot of knowledge of what my foster son may be going through.
Gwen your kind words are always encourageing and helps me understand myself a little better.
I have to say that being a foster parent is exhausting and hard work. I find myself tired and stressed out, that sometimes I don't have time for myself anymore.
My heart goes out to my sons although I wonder if I am doing a good job for them.
I wonder how I have gotton through these past two months as a foster dad. I have to admit I did not realize how important my job as a foster parent is for my boys.
When I first did this I was worried what people would think becuase of the different color of my skin is compared to my children. I have learned that my children are more important that what people may think. I love my kids and I will always no matter how long they will be with me.
I have to fight for them because right now the system is not doing their job to help them. My 7 year old is suffering because no one took the chance to allow him to heal. He needs the time to adjust and I want to be the dad to help him.
My 11 year old needed time to accept that he may be adopted. He was moved from home to home since he was 5 because no one took the time to really listen to him. He was afraid to be adopted because he felt he was betraying his birth mother. With my help he will transistion into an adopted family because I will be with him every step of the way.
I became a teacher because I wanted to dedicate my life to helping children. Teaching is part of my job but being a foster parent is my true calling.
I don't know how much longer both of my boys will be with me. It could be one week or maybe three months. I will not know until their social worker decides.
I only know one thing for certain I am not the same man I use to be two months ago when my first son came into my home. I am lucky because they have been my teachers and taught me to love unconditionally no matter what the cost.
I will keep everyone posted on my journey. If I do not respond for awhile it is because I am being a dad and can not get to my computer. Thanks again in advanced.