[donna keav]

My husband and I have had a 3 year old in our care since May of 2002 - suddenly an aunt may have an interest and DYFS jumps thru hoops for some kind of family unification when this child has only known our family for the last 15 months - these sudden new visits to unify with this long last aunt has caused the child to have bad dreams, start wetting her bed and constantly clinging to me.. she is regressing - what exactly are these morons thinking about because the child will accept gifts and toys and appear happy for the time being (DUH !!! bribery doesn't begin or end at age 3) - we pay the price later. Where the hell has she been for 15 months and what makes her a suitable "care giver" in DYFS language at this point in time - or better yet what have we been for the last 15 months... Thought after this much time a law guardian would have been in touch but I'm now on my tenth call in two weeks without so much as a call back - when are these "guardians" supposed to start advocating for the child ?
FORGET EVEN TRYING INTELLIGENT CONVERSATION WITH DYFS - THAY HAVE THEIR OWN AGENDA (and it is not in the best interest of the children)... anyone share their experiences on attacking this two headed monster ?

[kirstanbrown]

I am so sorry you are going through this, it sounds like such a nightmare. What is dfys saying about this? If they are being so eager with this woman do you worry that if the birthmom wanted the baby back that she could get it? I am soooo sorry. That is one of the pains that I think about when i worry about starting the adoption process in the future. Again, I am so sorry, please keep posting, I wish the best for your family in this.

[nycgirl]

Sorry about what is happening to you and this child. I am in the same boat with DFYS/ARC. My baby has been with me for over two years and she is only three. This system needs a total over haul. I don't see them working for the good of the children. And when all is said and done who is left to pick up, walk the floors at night holding the baby, wiping the tears trying with every once of energy to help this baby/child feel secured as you yourself drink your own tears.

[Peaches95827]

From working in Childrens' Services, and been there and done that with a Biological Uncle.

It sounds like the Aunt just came legal age where she is able to do this?

[Mary RamireZ]

You never see the side from the otherside I was a mother that had her daughter taken away the pain I see is real my daughter was tken away from me April april 20 ,1983 she is now 25 and had to babies when she 25 because she did not have a mother We have a good relsonship. I am learning disabled and the CPS thinks I retarted. Foster parents lie all the time about the birthparents
by for now
Mary Ramirez

[dr. mom]

In our state they have 2 different progams with separate training programs. One is for FOSTER CARE, The other i sfor ADOPTION! They make it VERY CLEAR that foster care is temoprary care and reunification is the goal. If the immediate birth family can not reunite than extended birth family will have first opportunity to parent the cjild. It does not always make sense or do I agree with it (I have a friend who hasd a child for 7 years and was not allowed to adopt her because the grandmother in another state wanted her). So the system may not seem ETHICAL bur this is the way it is .This is why I am not a foster Parent any more. I do not wnat my heart ripped out again. My suggestion is de to decid eif the foster care program is for you or whether you want to switch to adoption! Mnay people think foster car eis a door to adoption but that is not always true!!!

[LotAkids]

I cringe at the thought of what you are going through. How terrible. We started the adoption process and ended up taking a baby that was not yet legally free. (We were so ignorant) We still have him and termination is Sept 10th, but until then, they say that they are doing everything for reunification even though the caseworkers are all saying that she is bipolar, has mood disorders, personality disorders, etc, and won't medicate herself. She has voluntarily stopped visits, saying it's too hard on her. He screams throughout the entire visit. She yells at him when he cries and they all see it. (He's almost a year old)
So we wait, and he waits. And we pray that they'll see what is best for this baby. We are the only family he knows.
We will pray for you. And the child that will ultimately pay the price for whatever decision DYFS makes. May God be with them.

[anmom]

I am going through the same thing. I have a 5yr. & 3 yr. old. The children have been with me for 2 1/2 years and now a family member has stepped forward. We hired an attorney. We pray our adoption will be finalized soon. We are the only family these kids know. Its not about blood its about who is there at 2am. I love these babies as if I had given them life. I do not want to see them torn apart to live with people they don't know. We had to go to court to stop the visits with this family. I think the judge is on our side........I hope.

[Randa2005]

My husband and I were put through the wringer trying to adopt a child from DYFS. We were the "squeeky wheel" after our caseworker and supervisor stumbled through the process. Being "squeeky" resulted in our case being delayed even further and with even more headaches. I would never recommend adopting though DYFS. They treat adoptive parents very very poorly. I imagine the same goes for potential foster care parents.

We feel terrible for the kids currently in the system. DYFS screw ups prevent their placement with forever families. Very sad. The county head hasnt even stepped in to mediate. Our hearts break...

[stevenstwin]

Many people here have successfully adopted through DYFS. I'd "recommend" it, even if it can be a difficult process, because if no one did it these children would never find their forever families!
ps - did you notice the post you were replying was 6 years old? Hang out and read some of the newer threads and you can see all our great variety of experiences, and you may still be able to make you dream come true.

Originally Posted by Randa2005

My husband and I were put through the wringer trying to adopt a child from DYFS. We were the "squeeky wheel" after our caseworker and supervisor stumbled through the process. Being "squeeky" resulted in our case being delayed even further and with even more headaches. I would never recommend adopting though DYFS. They treat adoptive parents very very poorly. I imagine the same goes for potential foster care parents.

We feel terrible for the kids currently in the system. DYFS screw ups prevent their placement with forever families. Very sad. The county head hasnt even stepped in to mediate. Our hearts break...

[Randa2005]

Have you adopted through DYFS? You mention "many people here have successfully adopted through DYFS" so it doesnt seem that you have.

Regarding the age of the post, yes it was quite obvious. Apparently the email alerts work or you/anyone else would not have know I posted a comment.

Regarding the children who need our help. The children are exactly why we chose this route. But since we have had so much difficulty with the personnel why would we want DYFS in our lives forever? As far as I am concerned they should rethink their approach to treatment of foster and/or adoptive parents. Why would you treat a recruited foster/adoptive parent badly especially if they passed testing, background checks, etc with flying colors?

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by Randa2005

Have you adopted through DYFS? You mention "many people here have successfully adopted through DYFS" so it doesnt seem that you have.

I haven't tried, and I don't want to. I'm here because of long-term fostering of a teen. I have bio kids of my own as well. I WAS going to adopt my teen, but HE chose not to be adopted and to age out in care instead.

ps - I'm not sure what you mean by email alerts. I'm just reading the foster support board and your message comes up as "unread". Most unread posts are in very new threads, so I was surpised, and thought perhaps you didn't realize that you were responding to someone who'd likely never know. I sure haven't been on this board that long ;-)