[alicia hunter]

I am in the process of adopting a 2 year old foster child that I've had in my home for 18 months. I must admit that, although I was lucky enough to get to adopt my first placement, it has been the biggest emotional roller coaster I've ever experienced. My child is perfectly healthy in every way, but looking for another child I've found that this will not be the case next time most likely. In my state it is nearly impossible to find a child that is healthy and free to adopt unless he/she is already school age. However, even though there is a huge risk in taking a foster child, I feel like one is more likely to adopt a healthy baby already in the home as a foster placement than searching for a child. You will have to weigh the risk of your feelings to decide what is right for you.
ALICIA

[miarra]

Hi, I originally wanted to adopt. Went through all the training and read all the books I could get my hands on go through all kinds of waiting children listings. Then I got my first placement. It was a nightmare. The child was definitely more of a challenge than I ever imagined. After refusing this child and feeling absoulutely horrible about it. My caseworker suggested that I do fostering first. This would get me experience with the "types" of children in the system. And then if they became freed I would be the first offered to adopt. The plus side of this was that I got the ages that I wanted(and being single that was a plus in itself) otherwise you get children that are hard to place and older. Also, you decide if the child will fit into your family dynamics. I have adopted five children who I fostered and now are working on adopting two more. Fostering, though difficult at times, is very rewarding for me. Don't get me wrong it is in no way the easiest way to go. The emotional ups and downs, the heartaches are enormous. But when you finally become a forever family it is the greatest feeling in the world. Good luck to you all!!!

[alicia hunter]

I got my daughter at 10 month as a foster placement, because they told me it was unlikely to get a child under 6-7 years old and the older ones have more problems. The fact is most healthy children are adopted by their foster families.

I adopted mine in Oct. and she turned 3 the next month. It took a long time, but I figured from the begining that I'd keep her because the mom was only 13.

You will have to check the stats in your area, but here, in MO, over 60% of kids go to adoption. It is an individual decision, but to me the risk is worth it to get them young. I'm waiting for the next one!

[FosterMother]

I am 24 years old, married, and no biolgical children--yet-- I have only been a foster mother for a little over a year and a half. My first child was a nightmare.. I thought what in the world am I doing, I questioned myself about fostering, thinking I can't do this. But then came placement # 2 her name is Tiana, and a beautiful 18 month old little girl. Totally changed my life, I never guessed i could love a child so much. Apptrox. 10 months later they found her biological father, and he did everything he could and then she was returned to him. I was so heart broken, but yet it is so rewarding, i still see her all the time. I now have her cousin in my care, and we are now working on termination of the parential rights, mom, has a bag of her own issues, and dad is in prison. I am so attached, but I know a lot can still happen and he to can be returned home. But the children are who need us, people who can love them, and show them what a " normal" life can be, and yes our heart will get broken doing foster care, but if it can save the life of a little child while the parents get their life figured out, then a little heart break is well worth it. I must say, if you don't know 110% that fostering is what you want to do, then maybe you should explore different options via adoption, because you will have bad days, really bad days!! but you will have so many more good days, but you have to want it, or it may not work that way for you. and yes you do have to work with the birth families, but you do not have to be the one who teaches them how to parent, you can show by example. but they have parenting teachers, that do the "teaching" So what I am trying to say is, if your questioning Fostering, then research it, and if you still have questions in your heart, not your head. then maybe you should not foster. but. it is true the foster parents of the child get the option of adopting that child before a non foster parent. so if your just looking into adopting and your looking for an ideal child, from a close to ordinary family, the chances are it wont happen. sorry, but that is a fact of the system. I love what I do, and I have to, or I could not do it. So I would think very long and hard about make a decition on fostering and adoption. not everychild will fit your way of life, you cant help it, that is the way it is. you can get a child that is 18 months old, and think your hitting the jackpot, but then a few months later you see, its not the situation you have dreamed of, and that is where doing foster care helps, because if its not working, it wont be perminate. adoption on the other hand, should only be concidered if it is going to be perminate. i hope you can find something in my experience, and somewhat advise. I hope I have helped. best of luck.

[heartfilledmom]

I am in the process of Pre-Service classes in Washington State. I also am being taught that my duty as the foster part of foster/adopt is to mentor/nurture and teach the bio parent how to parent their own child (my foster child)

It is strange because they claim we have clashing interests as foster/adopt parents. One to encourage the skills, visits and relationship between the bio parent and the child (foster part) and the other to be commited to adopt the child if reunification fails. (adopt)

Our class also states that working, teaching and getting to know bio parents on a personal level will enhance the future ability to adopt their child, for parents are more likely to reliquish their rights to someone they trust, respect and "like". Then, five minutes later the instructor stated that the greatest percentage of parents that get their kids back are those that learn skills from f.parent, attend visits and have a good relationship with the foster parents. Aren't these to ideas contradictory to eachother? Who are we mentoring these mothers for? The children? The state's statistics on reunifaction? Or for Social Workers "success" rate quota? Surely, it is not for our own good? Our job, in my Humble Opinion should be exclusively the children. Isn't that what we sign up for?

Anyway, just wanted to give you some feedback as to what is going on in our state.

[leca]

Well I must I adopted a set of 10, 11 and 7 year old through the state (sibs) and they are GREAT. Older kids do not necessarily have no probs and there are some GREAT older kids out there that new homes.

[kolee72]

Originally Posted by miarra

Hi, I originally wanted to adopt. Went through all the training and read all the books I could get my hands on go through all kinds of waiting children listings. Then I got my first placement. It was a nightmare. The child was definitely more of a challenge than I ever imagined. After refusing this child and feeling absoulutely horrible about it. My caseworker suggested that I do fostering first. This would get me experience with the "types" of children in the system. And then if they became freed I would be the first offered to adopt. The plus side of this was that I got the ages that I wanted(and being single that was a plus in itself) otherwise you get children that are hard to place and older. Also, you decide if the child will fit into your family dynamics. I have adopted five children who I fostered and now are working on adopting two more. Fostering, though difficult at times, is very rewarding for me. Don't get me wrong it is in no way the easiest way to go. The emotional ups and downs, the heartaches are enormous. But when you finally become a forever family it is the greatest feeling in the world. Good luck to you all!!!

just a quick question-
did I read your post right.... you are a single parent and they let you adopt five children??
I am only asking as I am a single foster parent and wanting to be considered a "resource" for 3 of my fosters two of which are siblings. I was worried that they wouldn't let me cause I am single parent.